To not want to go back to work after mat leave

[CheesecakeAddict]

Nc as I use this site quite a bit.

I love my job but I'm 2 weeks away from going back to work and now I really don't want to. Will I get over it? Going part time isn't an option (it was rejected with a hint it might be accepted if I give them more notice next year). DH says it is my decision and will support whatever I decide.

Reasons I want to go back:
I love it. I truly believe I have the best job in the world
I am at a decent level and have worked so hard to get there. It would be career suicide to take a massive leave
I got DC into a great nursery and she will be able to socialise with other children
I have pnd and maybe some normality would be good for me.

Reasons for not going back:
Mum guilt
My job description has changed; the workload has doubled and I am going to have to leave all my management admin till the weekend. Their solution is leaving at 5pm (starting at 8am), then working for a couple more hours when DC is in bed (on top of the weekends).
After childcare, tax, NI, pension, student loan repayment, I will be on £100 per month. £50 of this will be used on transport just to get me to and from work so we would be wholly reliable on DH's income to cover the mortgage, council tax, bills and the food shop anyway.
I have to travel a few times a year for up to a week at a time.

So a bit WWYD too. Delve into career suicide and stay home with my baby for a few more years but be no worse off, or save the career I have worked so hard for but work every working hour. (I'm thinking more and more of option 3: survive this year and reapply for part time next year?)

It’s natural to be apprehensive. Given that you CAN bin it if you want to, I would go back and give it a go and see how you get on. You’ve nothing to lose. If you hate it after a month, ask for part time and if they say no, resign. Is there an opportunity to look for other part time roles elsewhere in the business?

I’ve spend the last week of all 3 of my maternity leaves saying how little I wanted to go back. 3 days in and it was like I’d never been away!

I’d go option 3

I'd definitely save the career and then try and get flexible working in the future.

As long as you have good professional childcare then there is no need for mum guilt, children retain very few pre school memories so she won't remember if it was you or the nursery who looked after her.

Relationships are not guaranteed and you will value your own income in the event of a split. Making one partner the sole earner can very quickly lead to resentment.

You'll be showing your daughter it's perfectly possible to work and parent just like her dad can. She will have a great work ethic from the both of you and a model of an equal partnership.

She will also settle into school life easier. You can easily spot the difference in both children and adults where the children have been to childcare before starting school. Both are more independent and there's less helicopter parenting at the school door.

I’d go with option 3 too. It means you can give it a go and jack it in if it really doesn’t work for you. You know how it feels to work FT without DC, you also know how it feels to be a FT SAHM. What you don’t know yet is how it feels to be a working mum. How long is your notice period? If you really can’t stand it after say 3 months, that notice period is the longest you will have to strong it out

I'd go back and try it out. If it's unbearable you can jack it in and/or look for something else.

Even women who are climbing the walls to go back to work are a bit nervous about it at first. Give it some time to get back in the swing, it takes a couple of months or so.

I dreaded going back to work - but it's surprising how quickly you can get into the rhythm. That said, if I won the lottery I'd be a SAHM no question, did it for a few years and love it.
However until I win the lottery, it's really important to keep a career going (we found this the hard way when DH had to cut back on work for health reasons, and because I was not working at the time, had to go back full time as part time roles only seemed to be available for existing staff). Also remember that even if you are not making loads extra after childcare, you are building up years of NI and pension contributions, plus usually getting annual pay rises and increasing your chances of future promotion, and all that is worth money. Also if you plan future DCs, you will have an uninterrupted career history and decent maternity pay for #2.

Do what is right for you and your family - but it does sound for you like this is last minute nerves. Reapplying for part time is also a great idea - I found that even 4 days a week makes a big difference and they do have to at least consider your application as a parent. If not then working from home a day a week is also excellent.
Hope you can find the right balance for you all at home and / or at work!

I concur with Boxsets re the Mum guilt. My DC are now 8 & 6, the 8 year old has no recollection of his pre school nursery and the 6 year old cannot remember either the pre school nursery, nor the childminder she moved to once her brother started school.

Neither do they remember Monkey Music or baby swim classes we did on the Fridays I didn’t work. So that was time and money well spent

You can easily spot the difference in both children and adults where the children have been to childcare before starting school. Both are more independent and there's less helicopter parenting at the school door.

What complete bollocks

children retain very few pre school memories so she won't remember if it was you or the nursery who looked after her

You'll be showing your daughter it's perfectly possible to work and parent just like her dad can

Which is it? They won't remember mum being there but will remember her being a good work model

You can easily spot the difference in both children and adults where the children have been to childcare before starting school. Both are more independent and there's less helicopter parenting at the school door.

Oh look, Boxsets talking shite. In an uncertain world, it's so nice to know there are some things that just never change.

I'd go back given that you enjoy your job and say it would be difficult to get back into after a long break.

See how full time works and then you can always try again for part time next year.

Paying for childcare won't be forever - my son is about to start school so my childcare bill has now vanished. My salary, however, is now double what it was when I returned to work after maternity leave due to more years service and a promotion.

Personally, I think financial indpendence is vital.

Good luck with your return. It can be hard at first but you soon get into it.

Tulips I think Boxsets means when her DD is older she will see her Mum work and parent. As do my now 8 & 6 yr olds and I think that’s valid.

£50 a month to work full time, evenings and weekends?

I'm going to go against the grain and say jack it in, is it truly career suicide? If you picked it up again in 3-4 years when your DC is at school would you be earning £50 a month? How far realistically would you fall? Is it a career that is pinned around ongoing CPD to remain affiliated for instance. Is there a way to keep a toe in the door, even if it earns you nothing it would only be costing you £50.

Look for another job. The hours sound absolutely horrendous, 8-5 then 2 hours at night plus weekends is unsustainable if your baby still wakes in the night.

No way would I go back with that workload - evenings and weekends? - for £12.50 a week net. That’s crazy, it’s not worthwhile, however good the career. Take time with your little one and maybe get her into nursery one day a week to mix with other children and have a day just for you.

I would go with option 3 as the thought of going back to work is often worse than the reality. You can always change your mind Also check what your contract says about working hours - I make it my policy that weekends are for family/ friends time so don't take work home with me, regardless of how busy we are at work. If I was in your shoes then I'd be pushing back to them around what hours you'd like to work and not getting into the habit of doing overtime which is not healthy for anyone, regardless of whether you have children or not. Burnout can be a huge issue for people where I work so the more you can create (some) balance now, the better.

Oh bullet point fail.

I think people are right in it being last minute nerves. A week ago I had dreams of skipping carefree through the car park without a child attached to me, drinking hot tea and eating my lunch without having to share any of it. I just find it so hard to see how I can manage those hours. I have to work 3 months anyway so not to have to pay back my mat leave pay so I think I would be right to go back and trial run it.

I found I am actually so much more efficient with my time at work after mat leave. I get more done in a day than I ever did pre kids to ensure I’m not working evenings and weekends.

Option 4: go back, but say no to these ridiculous workload expectations, unless they also doubled your salary.

I’d be jacking that job in - hours are ridiculous for no real reward.

However, I find being at home full time quite hard work and enjoy working out of the home so in your position I’d be seeking an alternative position.

I have a 3 day a week job and it’s perfect.

I went back to work 6 weeks ago. In the run up to it I was so anxious, couldn't sleep and just didn't want to go at all.
Six weeks in and I'm almost embarrassed to say I look forward to it. I get to wear nice clothes without food smeared all over them, choose what I want to eat for lunch, where I want to eat it and I don't have to share it either! I can drink tea and talk to actual grown ups about topics totally unrelated to babies. DS2 is fine without me, and I'm just about fine without him.
It's natural to feel apprehensive, but I'd give option 3 a go. If you don't try you'll always wonder.....

I'd go for option 3.

I was a SAHM for a few years because going back to my career really didn't work. But I gave it a go first.

I would try it, give yourself 2/3 months and see how you’re getting on. It may be that once you are actually back there in person you’re in a stronger position to negotiate PT hours?

On another note though I don’t neccessarily think taking a few years out while your children are young is the career suicide it’s often quoted as being. Quite a few parents I know have now successfully found roles once their youngest DC has started school. Admittedly not exactly the same as what they were doing pre DC but taking a few years out doesn’t necessarily scupper your chances of ever being able to achieve anything career wise again. There is quite a lot you can do nowadays to keep your skills up to date. Best of luck.