To never go near DS’s nursery again

[Winosaurus]

I was in a rush this morning and asked DD8 to get the white envelope from my room that has DS’s nursery forms in... she ran up, grabbed it and then I handed it into the school office without looking.
Turns out there were 2 white envelopes in my bedroom.
Two identical envelopes on the side in my room...

1. Contained DS’s nursery forms
2. A picture of me very drunk in swimwear whilst on a girls weekend away

Guess which one ended up getting handed in to the school office this morning 😩😭😂

I. Want. To. Die.

My husband spent a fortune on beautiful underwear for me to wear on our honeymoon. He asked if he could take photos of me so that he could take them away with him when he was working away. The photos were fantastic, of me in gorgeous corset, matching knickers (thong). Suspenders and high heels (posing provocatively)

For years dh kept them in his wallet, until one day (just after ds was born) he accidentally left his wallet at the local shop. He went grey when the shop called him, telling him they recognised me from the photos in his wallet. I was mortified and refused to go into the shop for years!

Then about eighteen months ago, my ds was in our kitchen and found my husbands old wallet, he found the photos, burst out laughing and ran to show his little sister (who at that point was sat with my carer, who was getting her ready for school). My carer brought the photos through and explained what had happened! Then ds and dd came running through shouting ‘Mummy why are there photos of your bum!’ ‘Why are you just in your underwear?’ I almost brained my dh for being careless twice! He has put them in a private box in the loft now.

I sent a stroppy email to a work colleague who had lost a document with the words "I trust you'll find everything you need in this attachment" - and (accidentally) attached a photo of my cat eating a piece of ham to the email.

sizeofalentil I just spat my drink out 😂 that’s really tickled me!

Oh Caledonian that’s so embarrassing... but at least you looked hot in the pictures!

Thank you all so much for a much needed belly laugh!

Decades ago now, but a friend of mine at about 8 or 9 decided to go and meet her mum from work. But first she put on a nice little 'hat' she'd found in one of her mum's drawers - a nice little white one, with loops to go round your ears.

Her poor mum was with a crowd of colleagues when her daughter came running up with an old fashioned sanitary towel on her head.

When DD was in reception, she had to do a ‘what I did in the holidays’ piece of homework. She stuck some photos in her book of the animals we’d seen in a big nature park thing abroad.

Let’s just say the Male elephant had everything on display.... and I hadn’t noticed, nor had DD.

Teacher thought it was hilarious. I was mortified.

Jammie that made me laugh so much I had a coughing fit and woke up husband from snoring on sofa! Tickle stick

Twin 1 where is your reading book?
Twin 1- I don't know miss
Twin 2- I know where it is- it's under mummy's bed next to her plastic willy!

My daughter plays tennis and went to a regional camp. The coach there was very nice and gave me his number in case she wanted some individual lessons with him. When I got home I realised that I had picked up a couple of his tennis balls and put hem in my bag. I messaged.
"Thanks for a great afternoon. Would like to book a private session soon. By the way - really sorry I grabbed your balls by mistake when I left"
Sent it without realising what I had written! Embarrassed doesn't come close!

Omfg I just managed to compose myself after spending a full minute absolutely losing it at sizeofalentil's post - thanks!!

My teacher friend went on a pub crawl with mainly male colleagues. Got so rat arsed she went to the loo in the pub, thought she was home, took most of her clothes off and walked back into the pub in her bra.

Bad enough, right? Almost...the next morning she asked 'my god, was I really embarrassing walking out into the pub in just my bra?' to which her HOD said, 'not as much as when you pulled your pants down and wee'd on the street while we were waiting for the taxi'

@confusednorthner I hope my friend isn’t on here... but I may have sent her this photo when I found out...

@littlemousewithcloggson that really made me laugh

Reminded me too... autocorrect once made me tell dds gym coach she had tender tits instead of tendinitis 🙈

Oh you’ve all cheered me up. Thank you

I’m sure I can add to this, my minds gone blank for the moment. Or it’s so hideously embarrassing I’ve blocked it!

These are amazing!
Please keep them coming!

funnily enough almost the same story was on Confessions on drive Time this week, except this time it was a man who had a naked photo of himself in an envelope that his girlfriends mum accidentally put his job application in with. Luckily she also worked at the place he was applying for a job at so he got the photo back too.
what a strange coincidence.

I can top them all. One morning we went to our toddler play group which involved baking bread. As you knead the bread and the toddlers eat the dough the very tall German teacher leads the parents in a rousing round of "this is the way we make the bread etc". Anyway I whipped out my hand gel for me and DS and offered it to the heavily pregnant lady next to me while we all sang along. As I rubbed my hands together I realised it wasnt absorbing quite like it should. Both toddlers were now smearing it around in the table too. Rather perplexed I looked closer at the bottle as did the lady next to me.....and in that moment I wished to die. It wasn't hand sanitiser - it was sex lube. The new cleaning lady had found our sex lube under the bed and not being able to read English chucked it in with the other bottles that looked just like it. I hadn't noticed when I grabbed it. I turned about 12 shades of red and prayed for the ground to open. Twas the day I managed to slather sex lube on a pregnant lady and two toddlers.

@sizeofalentil I've just had to wipe tears from my eyes and pass the phone to DH whilst trying to read your story to him 😂

I'm imagining your admonished yet bemused colleague opening that attachment. 😂😂

thelonggame did you? That’s funny maybe he saw my post about it that went viral on Facebook with 15K shares because a famous London based mum-blogger shared it

One of DS’s friends arrived at a sleepover with a very fancy lace thong amongst his belongings that found its way out of his bag onto the floor of DSs bedroom. The boys hadn’t noticed it in the usual mess (pre puberty). Since it could have come out of one of three bags I made an educated guess from the size where it had come from and stuffed it in the bottom of the friends bag. I heard nothing more so presumed I got the right bag.