Aibu childcare arrangements

[AllCleverAndThat]

Here’s my AIBU plus all the background so as not to drip feed.

We are moving to a new area and new job and school etc. DD is 14. We know only one or two people there but I’m not very outgoing or close to them .

My job will be 4 days per week 8am to 6pm.
Dd has a hobby she does and will need to find a new club. She will also be starting at a new school.

Right now she is a latchkey kid, but I feel it might be a bit much for her in a new town. My mum lives about an hour away and works as a carer. Her shifts are unpredictable. My husband, dd’s stepdad, commutes 2 hours daily and gets home around 8pm.

Here is what I was thinking. Find a club and if anyone from her new school goes to it, (obviously meet the parents etc) do this;

• DD’s session will cost about £15.
• Get the parents to pick dd up with their own dc after school around 3pm, have an after school snack at their house, do the club 6-8pm then drop dc at our house 8.15 is when I should be home.
• I would pay their DCs subscription to the club (so £15 per session based on where we are here)
• Plus £10 to cover school pick up, snack and drop off.

So in total I would pay them £25 once a week (it would cost me £40 in total). Is that being a CF? Otherwise I don’t know how dd will get to do the activity.

On another day of the week dd will get the bus home and make herself a snack. I will pay for a tutor to be with her from 5-7, looking at £30 for a uni student.

I was also thinking I could pay mums fuel (£20 )for her to spend one day a week with dd. She is always saying she does not see her enough. It is about 1 hr drive so she could pick dd up from school at 3, they can have dinner together (I would freeze something) mum can spend the night, then leave in the morning (drop off dd at school or dd can take the bus, whatever she wants.

I’m sure there will be some after school activity she can do one day a week at school so she is not alone so long. Then on the last school day of the week I can pick her up from school and also spend the weekend with her.

Aibu?

Some tutors have a policy of not being alone in a house with an under 16 year old.
I think you would have to be very lucky to find someone whose chold does the same activity as yours and who is willing to drive your dd home every week (even for payment). You can't rely on that imo.

Why does a 14yo need childcare? Surely she can take herself to the wherever we needs to go at that age?

I think you're massively overthinking, and worrying over nothing, to be honest.

If she's a latchkey kid now then I think she'll cope fine being one at the new school. I'd let her go home after school and get on with homework and relaxing. Maybe put her in charge of making dinner once a week (or more if she enjoys cooking, my DS14 would cook every night if he had nothing else on).

For the club, if you know someone who does it with her, I wouldn't be asking for her to go home after school with the kid, but ask them if they can swing past and grab your daughter on the way and then bring her home at the end. Offer to pay for their child's cost of the club. I think parents would be more likely to do this rather than have an extra kid under feet at their house for the whole afternoon.

Depends how your dd feels, but you absolutely can’t push this arrangement when she is new at the school. In fact the only thing that would be ok is a lift share once she is established at the club. People might get where you are coming from but they will probably feel patronised by the money and won’t want to be tied to being childcare. And your dd needs to find her way in the social minefield.

Your Mum I am sure you can make an arrangement as long as she doesn’t have a compteting committment. No idea about tutors.

I agree with library and/then latchkey combo.

I think it's way too engineered for a 14 year old. Even if you find another parent to do this, and basically overpay them as you're suggesting, the other 14 year old may well resent what they may see as you trying to buy their friendship. It might backfire on your DD socially.

Start with school. There might be loads of clubs and activities she can do, or just stay late in the library to do homework, which might be quite sociable. Also, if you fill up her evenings too much, she will have no opportunities to go to friends' houses to cement any new friendships. Perhaps find a student and pay them to be around in the evening 3 days a week, let her manage a day or two alone, and play it by ear. She's 14, I think she needs more opportunity to lead this.

I'm a tutor and I would not meet a child at home alone. No way.

She's 14, OP. Unless she has additional needs, this is all unnecessary.

Ask a taxi company to supply a taxi driver who has been vetted.

All the taxi drivers who do school runs where I live have had Disclosure Scotland checks.

When I was your DD's age my FT working parents used a women-only taxi firm to ferry me to clubs. Maybe there is one in your area.

A brilliant combination of CF, cheap and cray cray is this. £10 for 4 hours of childcare she doesn't need, snack and hanging out in a place where she might not be welcome. A good tutor is more than £15/hour and can't think of any who'd agree to meet a child at home alone. They are also not childcare providers.

Werk your sums are wrong.
The club costs £15 and I said I would pay the other child’s fee plus an extra ten pounds so £25 in total for a snack, pick up and drop off.

I do know of students who charge similar rates for tuition.

However I have heard the jury, that the consensus is that IABU.

Yeah, £25 for 3 hours of un-needed childcare plus snack plus pick up and drop off. And even if you know of such cheap tutors, as someone who works as one stated, they don't want to tutor children alone in an effort to perform, again, un-needed childcare.

Your daughter doesn't need childcare, yet you've started 3 threads asking about how to source her childcare on the cheap so you can go out 2x/week.

If you feel that guilty about going out then stay home! Or hire a proper sitter and pay for it. Or don't stay out so late.

These threads are just bonkers.

When will she get dinner?