Overnight contact

[GreasyHairDoNotCare]

So DP and I have just spilt up and we have a 10 month old. Before the split we only got to spend the weekends together due to circumstances I cannot share. Therefore, DS and DP only saw each other on weekends.

DP wants to have DS overnight Friday and then bring him back to me on Saturday evening. My issues with this are:

1. DP cannot cope with DS' night wakings and has previously stormed downstairs to sleep on the sofa. I did all night wakings every night.

1. I have a feeling that he will put DS In with MIL at night to make things easier for him (he's wanted to do this before) and this will really confuse DS as he is used to me and his dad at night

1. DS has been away from me 1 night since birth and that was when he was about 3 months old and I had a night out.

1. MIL lives 1hr30mins away (this is where he will be staying)

1. Separation anxiety has really kicked in and DS is with me literally 24 hours a day 7 days a week and I don't know how he'd cope.

1. He will be picking him up late after work (7:30 ish) this is the time DS is in bed so will not get to bed until about 9:30 and will be overtired.

I think I am being unreasonable because at the end of the day he is DS' dad. But at the same time I am trying to think of DS and his routine, happiness etc. The split is only somewhat amicable and I don't want it to seem like I am stopping him from seeing DS, it is just the overnight that worries me.

Can he not have him all day on the Saturday to begin with?

If not the Saturday night would make more sense?

It’s going to be really hard for you at first.

It's going to have to happen sometime it might be better now rather than later when he's even more used to being with you all the time.

It’s up to his mil if she wants to do all the donkey work

I wouldn’t

Others are dead points

It’s likey he will get board having a baby limites you and is a bit boaring tbh

I'd offer a plan that works towards overnight stays. Maybe start by taking ds to see his dad and grandma for the afternoon and leaving him then picking him up? If ds is happy going to his dad and grandma's during the day on Saturday, extend it to Saturday night so he can do the bedtime routine and have an overnight stay. Once that's ok, you could switch to the friday, if that's easier. Sending a tired 10 month old on the friday and expecting him to sleep at once is asking for trouble. If you have an amicable relationship with your exMiL so much the better- she won't want a night with a screaming distressed toddler either

I think it's also because the split is so fresh. It still hurts.

MIL will do the donkey work yes but will also completely parent my son in a way which I don't agree with which is annoying.

I think he will get bored tbh. He never used to interact much with Ds, just sit on his phone and lay down whilst 'watching' him.

I'm pretty sure no judge in the land would say you had to allow overnight contact at such a young age. I would start with a half a day and build up.

Would I be unreasonable to suggest he collects DS at say 10am and drops him back either before dinner at 4:30 or gives him dinner and then drops him back at around 6:30.

Although if I suggest this and this is what is agreed I know that he won't collect until probably 11 because that is what he is like.

It would be considered unreasonable to expect a 10 month old to have overnight contact. A relative was advised by a solicitor that this didn't need to start until her daughter was 2. Just explain that he's too little and not yet ready for overnight or to be out in the car at 9pm, as it will disrupt his routine too much. Say that he can spend all day Saturday pick up as early as he likes and drop back for bath/bed and you can revisit overnight in a year. Offer him to come in and do bedtime if you could bare it? Keep calm and keep the focus on your son as opposed to what you and he want.

I really am trying to keep the focus on our son and put my feelings to the back of my mind. Maybe I should see a solicitor for advice on what is and what isn't reasonable?