To ask people not to smoke around me?

[Gracie2906]

Ok solve this argument please;

This is hypothetical so please don't read too much into it, just trying to get a well balanced rounded view.

Background; DS has recently come out of hospital with pneumonia and I am 6 months pregnant; DP did once smoke weed but has stopped now for 6 days and is doing incredibly well (however, our lives have been hard the last six days with arguments, tempers etc, but working through this together)

This evening two family members arrived at our house and we were all sat in the garden, DP made comment that he had stopped smoking for one of the guests to grin & roll a joint and smoke it in front of the three of us - I was gobsmacked!!
My opinion is that's of poor taste, DP thinks we can't tell others what to do.

What do you think? Honest answers please!

I think you should ask joint smoking family members to move to where you can't smell it, either the other end of garden if big enough, or go for a mini walk until they are finished.

Your house your rules

Your house, your rules.

I would say no smoking around you while they’re at your house. They could go into the front garden to smoke if they’re that desperate. Smoking in front of you (whatever they’re smoking) is just plain rude.

I would tell them they weren't welcome back and go inside.

Interesting to see your responses, I stand on the same side of the fence as you x

All of the above

It's rude

YANBU

Your house of course you can tell them not to smoke. If at theirs you can explain you are leaving because you are pregnant and don’t want to be around smoke, nice friends would stop or move to make you comfortable

DP thinks we can't tell others what to do.

It was your garden? If so grow a pair (of ovaries). Smoking weed and smoking around your unborn kid would be a long way outside what many people would tolerate in their house.

Incredibly rude of the guest to do this, also very unfair on DP who’s given up. Person was a twat and would’ve been told to get the fuck off my property, smoking round a pregnant woman, what an arsehole!

Tell them to take their illegal drugs and sod off.
DP smoked weed until 6 days ago! Really. Jeez. Stop spending time with dope heads.

I'd let people smoke tobacco down the bottom of the garden or away from me if I didn't like it.

Drugs? Fuck right off!

YANBU, I don't even like people smoking cigarettes around me and DD. Since DH quit, I hate the smell.

It seems very rude to roll a joint infront of your DP when he just said that he'd recently quit.

I think that you need to get rid of 'friends' disrespectful enough to come to your house where you're pregnant and your son is recovering from illness, and take drugs in your garden.

As above, your house so your rules. I'd have told them to fuck right off and gone inside to be honest. How braindead and rude for someone to say 'I've just quit X' for someone else to take it as a cue to then do said activity too!

DH has some pot head friends and knows I don't approve so I don't have them over and very rarely attend events where they're likely to light up. I remember going to a 30th a while back when DD was only a few months old and DH offered her over to one of his friends to hold, I was pleasantly surprised that his response was 'No mate, I've smoked weed today I wouldn't feel comfortable'.. it was quite an unexpected response and I appreciated his honesty.

I'd turn the hosepipe on them. Purely to extinguish the fire hazard, you understand.

I don't smoke joints but if I'm out with a friend or at a friends house who doesn't smoke il pop out side or if in the garden with them il stand away from them. Even years ago when I smoked in my house I'd go into the kitchen with the window open if I had guests in who didn't smoke.

I do check if they are ok with smoking in their garden first though and if they had an issue I'd pop out for a minute and come back once I'd finished.

Like with anything else it's about mutual respect. I'd be unhappy if they put their rules on me just as they'd be unhappy if I forced my rules on them.

Of course you're not being unreasonable. I'd ask them to smoke elsewhere or leave the party.

I couldn’t stand anyone smoking near me. Full stop.

As above your house your rules. I don’t smoke and wouldn’t allow anyone to smoke in my home.

Smoking around someone who’s pregnant is extremely tw@tty behaviour.

As for drugs WTF - just kick them out your house.

Doesn’t sound like these family members have any respect/ your best interests at heart for you or your DP so probably not someone you want hanging round when the baby arrives. I’d be making it quite clear if there wasn’t an attitude adjustment that they are no longer welcome.

All of the following would, in my opinion be unreasonable:

Smoking next to a child recovering from pneumonia
Smoking next to a pregnant woman
Smoking next to someone that is trying to quit
Smoking weed in front of a child (I have no issue with it per se but not in front of kids as long as it remains illegal)
Smoking in someone’s garden knowing they don’t want you to for all of the reasons above

Combine them all together and I agree with the PP that suggested the hosepipe.

I'm an asthmatic and have had a lot of lung issues over the years, dd has had trouble with asthma in the past. My home always has and always will be a no smoking zone - and that has included the garden when I've had one.

Both parents heavy smokers as are several other relatives - they have visited even staying with me and have had no problem sticking to that.

Your property your rules - the difficulty comes in where it's ALSO your DP's property - so you need to discuss and agree with him what the both of you will/won't agree to. That said I think you're in the right as your way doesn't harm anyone, his way allows you, your DC and unborn child to be exposed to a known health risk in the bounds of your own home and dp should be looking out for his loved ones.

6 days is a very short amount of time. I honestly don't understand how anyone can bear to be with someone who smokes weed.

Is dp fearful of confrontation or is he hoping if you let family members smoke around you you'll cede on his smoking around you too? Frankly either answer would piss me off.

A good father protects his DC and the mother of his DC from known toxins within their home. Prioritises their health over other people's ego!

Personally - I would - (and have) kicked them out. Ex would have got there ahead of me if poss, he was in loo at the time. They tried to appeal to him and were told in no uncertain terms that I'd done so gentler than he would have.

Hose pipe looks a very attractive option!

In public in areas where smoking is allowed, no, you will just have to walk away.

At your home, yes of course you can!