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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU that I don't want my MIL to take my DD out?

23 replies

ZebraMammy17 · 26/06/2018 16:41

My DD is 12month. Both my and my partner we're 20 when we had her. Fr9m day 1 the MIL hasn't liked that I was pregnant and kept her. She makes snarky comments about me and my family. When ever she takes my DD out I get anxiety the other day I had to stop her from feeding her a brownie that had been on the floor (gravel outside on a farm) that's just the tip of the ice berg. She rang me up saying she couldn't fold the pram I told her repeatedly how to do it it even has instructions on it she couldn't do it shoved it in. It's a mammas and pappas pram it wasn't cheap and now the hood doesn't folled right. She is so two faced and I just feel she's incompetent I worry she won't feed my child or that it'll be junk food I watched as she let my DD chew her CAR KEYS! and she changed her nappy without wiping her first! I know there not big things but it's been building since DD was born. I tried so hard in the beginning I would update her with pics and ask if she wanted to see her. What really bothers me is she isn't bothered about her kids or mine goes two weeks without seeing my DD even though she lives up the road works 3 days a week but I'm the bad guy if I have plans the one day she wants to see her. DH doesn't ever see things from my point she's up on a pedistol. My Mam works 12hour sift work she always text and rings to see how the baby's doing she comes to see her in all her days off and my family have helped us out so much (food milk nappies wipes the PRAM! Clothes toys bottle maker). MIL has got her a dress or two.
Just feel why should I give up time with my DD for a woman who can't be bothered

OP posts:
Original poster
ZebraMammy17 · 26/06/2018 16:42

Sorry for so many typos I was getting angry just thinking about her. I just don't know what to do or how to get my DH to understand why I get anxious his mother having her

OP posts:
InDubiousBattle · 26/06/2018 16:58

How does he feel about it?

cornishmumtobe · 26/06/2018 17:13

Can I ask whether there is a reason why she has the opportunity to / is in a position to take her out? I.e. if it's not that you need her for childcare can't you start going out with them both so you can do the actual childcare part and your MIL can just spend time with her (but under your watchful eye).

Original poster
ZebraMammy17 · 26/06/2018 18:33

He just doesn't seem to notice or have opinions about it turns a blind eye

OP posts:
Original poster
ZebraMammy17 · 26/06/2018 18:39

Cornishmomtobe it started where she would ask to take her for a walk to the greatgrandparents when she was first born. I don't feel she needs to take her out I just don't know how to tell her or my DH I honestly feel she just does it to compete with my mam. My mam has her for over night stays if me and DH want a date night but my mam was a highly trained nanny who knows cpr. Sometimes

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Original poster
ZebraMammy17 · 26/06/2018 18:42

Sometimes I feel I'm being unreasonable but then my mam text me updates and pics is always asking after her and MIL brings her back hungry and lets her chew on keys. DH has his mother on a pedostol after her divorce and I don't know how to talk to him and bring him into reality and I don't know how to supovise her with my baby when he and her make plans without me

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Barbaro · 26/06/2018 18:54

I wouldn't let her. Not feeding her or change her properly is just cruel and is neglect. And I would tell her that. If she doesn't like it, tough. Shouldn't neglect a baby.

PotteringAlong · 26/06/2018 18:56

At the point when your child has attempted to eat their own poo, the keys won’t look so bad.

mommybear1 · 26/06/2018 18:57

Possibly venting my own frustration here Op but your baby your choice if you are uncomfortable with MIL taking the baby re feeds/keys etc just refuse to let her. I have similar issues with my MIL and it's caused no end of problems with my DH but I take the view I'd rather incur a few arguments with him than know my baby was in harms way ie nappy changes etc. As wise MNetters have said I have a DH problem Wink. You sound like you are doing a great job, be confident you are doing the right thing for your baby ThanksCake

NewYearNewMe18 · 26/06/2018 19:00

She is so two faced and I just feel she's incompetent I worry she won't feed my child or that it'll be junk food I watched as she let my DD chew her CAR KEYS!

Run this one by me . How have you got using car keys as a rattle/teething ring don't we all to starving the child?

Racecardriver · 26/06/2018 19:05

@Newyearme no we don't all Confused

CanaBanana · 26/06/2018 19:15

So she's broken your pram, let your baby chew metal keys and eat food that's been on the ground, failed to change her properly, and you're still questioning whether to stop her taking your child out? You've answered your own question - she can't be trusted. You have no obligation to give her unsupervised access to your child.

You need to put your baby's welfare first. Not your MIL's feelings. Not your DH's feelings. Your baby's safety is the most important thing. Clearly your DH isn't going to protect your child from this woman so you have to do it. Put your baby first no matter how unpopular it makes you.

Piffle11 · 26/06/2018 19:22

I was in a similar position with 1st DC, and I tried to be easy on her. Wish I'd just put a stop to it as I would have massive anxiety whenever she had him. She did some unbelievably daft things, and would take him out 'for half an hour' and she'd be gone for 4 and a half hours, not answering her phone or landline, her OH had no idea where she was … and if I said anything, I was the baddie. She just didn't get it. I think you need to be strong and protect your child. Be pleasant enough to MIL, but no, she can't have her. And your OH needs to realise what his DM is doing is putting his child in harm's way.

Original poster
ZebraMammy17 · 26/06/2018 19:33

Thank you everyone! I really appreciate knowing I'm not overreacting. I didn't realise how much I needed to hear it, it's got me all pumped ready to take them emotionally on I feel like a warrior about to go into battle for my baby! I'm not the bad guy and I'm the mother I can do this thank you ladies GrinFlowers

OP posts:
hamburgers · 26/06/2018 19:45

Why are you feeding your 12m old a brownie?

Original poster
ZebraMammy17 · 26/06/2018 20:16

That's another point she should have that at 12 month - we were at a funeral left to go to the toilet she was with MIL I came back to my DD eating a brownie she dripped it and then MIL went to feed her it after it had been on floor. She was a mother of two I know times change but there's been so many times I've told her she can't feed me DD things like LEMON MARANG I just don't know if 20 years ago that was ok or if that's how stupid she is

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Original poster
ZebraMammy17 · 26/06/2018 20:17

*shouldn't have that

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Lmj25 · 26/06/2018 20:21

Bloody hell sounds exactly like my MIL!

PotteringAlong · 26/06/2018 21:15

and then MIL went to feed her it after it had been on floor.

I pick up food my kids have dropped on the floor and give it back to them all the time. Confused

Original poster
ZebraMammy17 · 26/06/2018 21:20

If I'm in the house and I know the floors clean I pick a cracker up for her if she drops it. However we were outside there was gravel on it that she picked off and dogs were walking around it good have had all sorts on it in not a clean freak germ aphob but gravel is my limit

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 26/06/2018 22:04

You see, I’d just pick the gravel off, give it a quick blow and let them crack on.

Maelstrop · 26/06/2018 22:14

You need your dh on board or there are going to be issues.

Original poster
ZebraMammy17 · 26/06/2018 22:36

I know I need DH on board I just makes me sad that I'm not 100% P he would see I'm doing this for our child like I said after the divorce his mam is this victim and can't possibly do wrong I once told him that I feel she makes snarky bitchy comments and he replied she's not like that... hmm ok hun.
I know I'm just going to have to keep talking to him I started talking about it tonight and I'm over reacting making a big deal of it. I'm just going to have to be firm and stop pussyfooting around my DD is number 1

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