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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed at my brother?

10 replies

IamAporcupine · 25/06/2018 22:51

A bit of a rant really

DM (86) leaves in a different country. DB leaves 15 min away from her.
She is overall ok, no major problems, but of course is getting frail and needs more help. She had a pulmonary embolism last year but recovered quite well.

Since then she has been thinking about moving into a retirement home. She went to see them, thought they were ok and left her details. A couple of months later was told she could have a 'test run' in one of the flats. She spent a week there and quite liked it so put her name down for the waiting list.

In the meantime she did some research and went to see other similar flats. Decided against them as they were more expensive and had less facilities.

Last week she received a call saying that a flat has become available and that she could move in July. She was very excited at first, but is becoming a bit anxious about it all.

She will be downsizing (from a 3-bed to a 1-bed) so will have to get rid of loads of things. I am trying to help as much as I can from here, giving advice and support and looking into options to see when I could go and help her with the actual move.

I sent a message to my brother over the weekend saying that it is all happening much quicker than expected, and for his opinion re. this and that. He didn't say much, but today he basically told me he thinks she should take it slowly and that he is not sure whether she can actually afford it.

Both are reasonable concerns, but AIBU to think WTF and why didn't he mention all of this earlier?!

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 26/06/2018 11:16

Did he not know it was happening til you phoned him?

Neverender · 26/06/2018 11:45

Well, you asked for his opinion and you got it.

IamAporcupine · 26/06/2018 13:09

@SneakyGremlins - of course he knew

@Neverender - Hmm it is not just his opinion, it is a real concern of his, and very valid. Something I hadn't thought of, but obviously he had. Why waiting until now?

OP posts:
Smidge001 · 26/06/2018 13:12

I'm confused. Why would your brother know your mother's finances better than her?

5foot5 · 26/06/2018 13:17

So will the proceeds from the sale of her 3 bedroom house be funding the fees for the home?

Slight unworthy thought but could your brother be unhappy at the though of the "inheritance" being diminished by your mother paying for care?

IamAporcupine · 26/06/2018 13:24

Smidge001 - I am not sure. I think he thinks she has not actually think it through properly. Which is not entirely impossible.

5foot5 - No, the 3-bed is not hers. She has income from a rented property, a little bit of work and savings. But the rent of the 1-bed is actually more expensive than the 3-bed.

OP posts:
SoftBallSophie · 26/06/2018 14:20

You said it was all happening quicker than expected.....which is probably why he hadn't mentioned it until now. Perhaps he didn't know all the final costs until now.

IamAporcupine · 26/06/2018 15:03

@SoftBallSophie - yes that might be the case. Although he hasn't found any new information now. He knows the same he knew before

OP posts:
IamAporcupine · 26/06/2018 15:03

DM (86) lives in a different country.
Blush

OP posts:
FrogFairy · 26/06/2018 15:20

What would happen if her funds were depleted?

Is there anything like housing benefit that she could claim in that country?

Has your mum herself not thought out the costs involved?

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