to find other people's reactions to my pregnancy really awkward?

[Aldrinja]

• Belly touching
• Staring at my bump
• Unsolicited advice
• Asking personal questions - 'how did your 20 week scan go?' - 'erm, not great actually!'
• automatically telling birth horror stories without me asking for them

Etc etc - the list goes on. AIBU to think that this doesn't improve from now on and it'll only get worse once baby is born? I feel very uncomfortable. A colleague who didn't know I was pregnant today spent the whole meeting staring at my bump - literally fixated. He then asked one of my colleagues all about my pregnancy (boy or girl, how I was etc etc - just bloody ask me!)

Hmmph...

My MIL asked me if I had sensitive nipples. But she is batshit.

I have been surprisingly sensitive about questions about the baby moving, as these have felt deeply private and personal. I also didn't start feeling definite movements until a couple of days ago (20 weeks) and it is something some people are being a bit competitive about.

In fact I wrote a similar comment on another thread yesterday and got a snappy response from someone who hadn't even posted on the thread at that point about how they felt kicks from 14 weeks. People are weird and I have just had to tell myself that they are really talking about their own experiences and it doesn't have much to do with you really.

If you're over 40 total strangers will also ask if you had IVF...

Yes been there. Why don't you have kids? Don't you want kids?

People are such idiots! Can break a person's heart with these comments.

I hear your pain. There is a unwritten rule somewhere in the ether that pregnant women should discuss openly the intimate details of their pregnancy. eg. no one needs to know when I am due except my husband and the hospital!

An aunt asked me if the pregnancy was planned (I was late 30s and married for 4 years at that point), I just looked at her frowning in disbelief. How does one even respond to that?!? "So Aunt, do you want to know our sex schedule? How about I cc you on Outlook invites?"

Lol yes the IVF question too for 40! Or twins. Or any fertility treatment. Or the "Is that your child?" and "I'd love to adopt" when a child is not same ethnicity as parent because goodness me bi-racial relations. I think many people just forget their heads.

I don't mind that if someone needs encouragement and is going through whatever I have experience of, but on my terms and when I offer! So on a day when I can talk about it and when I offer the information, not assumptions and questions.

When I was pregnant (with twins) people who knew it was twins kept saying "oh, you're huge!"....no shit!! There are 2 babies in there!

Or the inference that as I'm older and married for 15 years before having kids, we must have had ivf, but don't want to tell people...

YANBU, and it annoys me even more when people say “they mean well”. Maybe they mean well, but it’s nosy, intrusive and they should learn to keep their curiosity to themselves. Touching in particular is a huge no-no!

I enjoy answering the IVF question by simply saying my mother had me at the same age. The response is then

I've had some shit in my life so have learnt to answer questions as rudely or as bluntly as they are asked.

On the intrusiveness aspect, my son married an American girl 3 years ago. They live in America. My son tells me that friends with whom they socialise ask quite unashamedly when they are going to start a family and volunteer quite happily that they’re trying to conceive where that is the case. It’s all quite normal for them. Different culture...my son hates it!

So sorry you had bad news at your 20 week scan. I ted to ask about people's 20 week scans as I had bad news at mine (life changing but not life threatening) so I now worry about other people's 20 week scans and breathe a huge sigh of relief when all is well. I didn't realise it would be upsetting, I'll try and reign myself in from now on.

I'm only 11 weeks and still, 2 weeks ago, my BIL made to touch my belly. I shut him down straight away and said even when I actually had a bump, his wrist would be snapped if he touched it.

Other than that, I've not had much hassle yet.

I thought I'd really enjoy telling people I was pregnant. I do not.

It's kind of awkward basically going to people and saying "we had sex!"

I have no bump to touch yet, but can only imagine how weird this is going to become! I am fed up with all the questions though.

Yes, we're finding out what we're having. No, we don't mind what it is. Yes, we're excited.

My brother keeps telling me I won't breastfeed because it's easier to FF. Last I checked, he didn't have tits so I'm not sure what weight his opinion holds...

Yes, Stephisaur I have found telling people really a bit awkward. And the awkwardness is a bit stressful. I never imagined it would be.

Oh, and I'm very sorry to hear that your 20 week scan didn't go as you'd hoped hope you are ok x

i went 2 weeks overdue with my DD. one day, in sainsburys, i had a really slow, young cashier at customer services who wouldnt stop grinning at my bump. She then asked when i was due. i didnt want to discuss it so said "whens what due? im not pregnant." she went bright red and excused herself, being replaced by a slightly older woman she had clearly ran to (eyeing up my MASSIVE bump suspiciously).

i felt awful afterwards (especially when reappearing bumpless with my pram 2 weeks later and avoiding her gaze!!) but i had just had enough of people asking baby questions!

and, as i was 2 weeks over, i had constant hourly "had the baby yet?" or "why the hell are you still pregnant? Smoke it out" texts from friends, family, colleagues.

Also finding the daily messages very annoying as I am due in 2 weeks and about 10+ friends a day ask if baby has arrived. I know they are just interested but I’m finding it invasive and frustrating as i am impatient enough already, and I will tell them when he has arrived and when I want to!!!!!

I agree about the intrusion, and touching is unacceptable. I don’t think some of the comments mentioned eg asking when the baby is due are especially intrusive though. I never minded that one at all, and while I respect that some people don’t want to discuss it, I don’t think the asker is being unreasonable as compared with asking if baby was planned for example.

OP I hope you get the outcome you want from the further investigations and best of luck with the rest of the pregnancy.

I'm pregnant with my second and lost count of how many people asked me if it was planned. Like my sex life is any of their business!! Many of them were the same people that asked me when I was going to have another which was equally as infuriating!

I haven't had anyone touch my bump yet but have had a few pointing and exclaiming that they didn't know I was pregnant again. Well no, seeing as I bump into you once every 6 months in the supermarket, I didn't feel the need to make a public announcement!

The bump touching is just plain rude and intrusive but as for the talk, don't we pretty much all talk about shared experience given the opportunity. IME it's mostly people who have children themselves who tend to bang on a length to anyone with an obvious baby bump (not saying all parents are like that, am not trying to offend or stereotype).

Go to the dentist and listen to the others in the waiting room telling their horror stories (is especially bloody marvellous if you're dental phobic).

Wait at a bus stop when the bus is late and hear everybody start telling their stories of how this bloody bus keeps making them late for work/never comes on time/4 come along at once.

Is human nature, you have to change the subject or listen and ignore.

Try not to let it get you down. Hope things turn out OK for you and your baby

I'd never comment on anyone's bump, unless they're a close friend and I know they'd be ok with it. I've heard too many people telling me horror stories of them commenting on ladies bumps only to be told they're not pregnant!! (Maybe it was sockunicorn )

KitanaKay I think that the problem is people pressing for a specific due date, not just 'when is the baby due'. They may be pressing for a specific due date so they can make a fuss around that date… (not that I am projecting at all).

I loved being pregnant - happy to answer questions and Its only for a few months

I do not understand the lack of boundaries people have when it comes to pregnant women. This is coming from someone who has never even been pregnant! I touched one bump in my life, I was 5 and it was my mums.

You wait until you're due and very uncomfortable and people say "have you had it yet?" DOES IT FUCKING LOOK LIKE IT!

I might well just be cranky but I am at the end of my tether with receiving the same cliched messages from so many people as I near birth... I know they mean well and are being thoughtful checking in on me but I would much rather a simple "How are you?" message to the standard, "Not long now!! Are you excited?? Get all the sleep you can now!"