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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIB weird?

23 replies

UnderTheDesk · 24/06/2018 22:05

I live abroad in a non-English speaking country, very rurally. I very briefly met a woman a few months ago who’s also English-speaking. She lives quite near me, but we would never be «just passing» the other’s house. We don’t have a local coffee shop or pub to go to either.

She friended me on FB a few weeks ago (we’re both in the same expat FB group) and from things she’s posted, she sounds very interesting and i think we would get on great.

Would it be really weird to invite her and her partner over to my house for a coffee/glass of wine?

If we were kids, I could just go up to her and say «would you like to be my friend?» and that would be fine. But it’s a bit different when you’re an adult, isn’t it? But I would like her to be my friend.

Is there a way of saying this that doesn’t make me sound like a desperate Norma No-mates?

OP posts:

Notlivestock · 24/06/2018 22:06

Not at all, that would be friendly and welcoming and she would probably be thrilled to get the invite!

Emmafh3 · 24/06/2018 22:09

I'd love it if more people would just be honest and come out with things like 'will you be my friend'
Actually had somebody asked me that and we both laughed and made it into a joke. Made me like her more. Go for it!

Cliveybaby · 24/06/2018 22:09

I don't think it's wierd, but I'm not particularly good at that sort of thing either...
Could you invite her to a group thing? A bbq or party with other people there too?

Gammeldragz · 24/06/2018 22:12

I'm no good at this kind of thing either (why I have few friends), but equally no body ever tries to befriend me either. Go for it, I'd love to be asked if it were me.

TokyoSushi · 24/06/2018 22:16

Go for it OP! Could you meet somewhere rather than at your house?

Original poster

UnderTheDesk · 24/06/2018 22:17

I was thinking that, clivebaby, but a.) that would mean organizing something and she might not be available then, and b.) the friends I do have here have different interests* than the ones I’ve seen her post about on FB and if it was a group thing we might not get to talk about our common interests and that would be a shame.

*Nothing mysterious, but I’ve seen her post a lot about international politics and none of my current friends are very interested in talking about international politics, but I am, and would love someone to discuss that with.

OP posts:

Sparklesocks · 24/06/2018 22:17

Go for it

Maelstrop · 24/06/2018 22:18

Is there a local mutually convenient town you could meet up in? I think she might be delighted t9 make a new friend!

Original poster

UnderTheDesk · 24/06/2018 22:28

Ok, I’ve just learned that there is «a jazz thing» happening in my village next Friday. I’ve no idea what kind of a jazz thing it might be, and tbh, my interest in jazz is minimal, BUT a social occasion is presenting itself in my very own village!
I could message her asking if she and her partner are going to that and if so, would they like to meet up for a glass of wine, couldn’t I?

OP posts:

Benandhollysmum · 24/06/2018 22:30

Why not as they say a stranger is a friend you’ve not met yet, so guess that applies to your situation

Leeds2 · 24/06/2018 22:32

I would! She can only say no and, if she is busy but would have otherwise liked to meet up, she will make that clear.

Botanicbaby · 24/06/2018 22:37

Does the expat FB group not arrange any meet ups? Usually they do & are a perfect opportunity to broaden your circle of friends. Failing that just say you’re going to the jazz thing and ask if she’s going too?

Original poster

UnderTheDesk · 24/06/2018 22:43

The Expat FB group covers an enormous area that we are on the periphery of, so any meet-ups would have me driving for hours. Whereas Potential Friend only lives 15 minutes away.

Right, I am going to message her about the jazz thing. Tomorrow, when I should hopefully know more about it.

Thank you all for your replies.

OP posts:

KeepServingTheDrinks · 24/06/2018 22:49

Aw. Was going to post and say "go for it" but the thread's moved on, so instead I'll say "good luck".

And if she can't make the jazz thing (or isn't interested in jazz), say something like "what a shame... why don't we meet up for a glass of wine sometime over the weekend"?

It sounds like there's quite a small pool of people, and so you should be onto a winner.

Motoko · 25/06/2018 00:54

Why are you asking her partner as well? I'd rather do 1 to 1, you'd get to know her better that way, and she might act differently when she's with her partner.

You could also message her about something she's mentioned in the group, and say that you're interested in her viewpoint and would love to discuss it with her.

I've often thought that the way children ask to be friends is a lovely way to do it, and it's a shame that if an adult said "Will you be my friend", people would think you must have learning difficulties or something.

Anyway, good luck, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship!

penguingirl · 25/06/2018 01:03

Just wanted to say good luck op! I too struggle with all this social stuff and just wish it was still acceptable to ask people if they will be our friend!

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 25/06/2018 01:15

I would do her and say thanks for friending me on Facebook, it's lovely to meet another English speaking person here ...do you fancy meeting in town at x for a coffee and a chat sometime...

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 25/06/2018 01:20

*DM her...not do her stupid autocorrect

Candyflip · 25/06/2018 01:31

Not weird at all. When I have been in your situation I jump on anything in common (usually just the language tbh) sometimes it doesn’t work out but sometimes I have made really good, lifelong friends. She probably feels the same way!

DiegoMadonna · 25/06/2018 01:33

I'm in immigrant and I really don't think you need an excuse such as a village event. Being from the same country (or from one that speaks the same language) is totally enough justification to message someone asking if they want to get a coffee, in my opinion. (And in my experience – I've seen it done loads of times when it never would happened have if we didn't have the shared connection of being foreigners in the same place)

SummerofDoom · 25/06/2018 03:06

One of my best friends is my friend because we were both standing outside the school when she came over and said 'I think my husband and your husband work in similar jobs, bring him and the kids round later and I'll bbq'. That evening we were looking at the dc playing and the husbands chatting and she said 'well that's sorted then, shall we be friends?' It made me laugh and so much easier than the usual social dances. 2 years later the kids still get on great, the husbands have plenty to talk about and so do we.

In summary, go for it!

Original poster

UnderTheDesk · 25/06/2018 21:27

Right, I have just DM’d her about the jazz thing in the village. Will let you know how I get on,

@Motoko, I’m including her partner because I’d also like to get to know her and my FB snooping leads me to believe we’re in a similar line of work (her partner is female).

OP posts:

Motoko · 25/06/2018 21:30

Ah ok then, I just thought it might be easier to get to know her first, and then her partner in due course.

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