I’ve lost all perspective. I need help!

[4teensandababy]

Please bear with me, this is likely to be long...

Back Story
4 weeks ago I discovered DH had been cheating (again), so our relationship ended. Since then I’ve also discovered he had been sleeping with an 18 year old and 20 year old girl from his work (he’s 38).
Last year he was also reprimanded by an official body over a safe guarding issue (he was messaging a 14 year old girl - not sexual as far as I’m aware)
Needless to say my world has been shattered, but thanks to MN, my ducks are in a row and the practicalities of pretty much everything are sorted.

The only thing left to sort is access over our 3 year old DS. We both work full time. I take DS to a childminder every day and collect him every day.
Yesterday DH husband demanded that he had his son every Friday evening to Sunday evening without fail.
I proposed a counter offer of alternate weekends he has him Sat lunch to Sunday evening, plus one night a week (where he collects from childminder and drops off in the morning)
He has declined. He wants every weekend no questions asked as I get to see DS during the week. He is also refusing week day contact as he doesn’t want to do CM drop offs and pick ups.
This evening he told me he will be here Friday and I will be handing DS over. I replied (civilly) stating that I will make DS available for contact on Saturday as per my first message.

He is now apparently taking me to court.

I don’t want to fight with him. All I care about now is DS and doing what’s right for him. My selfish side would prefer it if he didn’t exist, but clearly that’s not going to happen. I do have concerns over Stbxh and his parenting. He gets angry with DS quickly. He shouts at him. He thinks children need discipline. He has major issues when DS wears nail varnish (4 older teenage sisters) and says that it will turn him gay and his son will not be gay. He has said his son will play football and no other sport (he has planned his football drills for this summer). He’s stated that he is going to encourage DS to sleep with as many women as possible when he’s older so he ‘knows what to do’. The list goes on.

Honestly. AIBU? Is my offer of contact for DS to see his dad too little? I’ve been gaslighted for so long I really don’t know what to think anymore.

There's another thread about a 38/ 39 year old dating an 18 yr old - is it the same person!? What r these 18 year olds on these days?

I would honestly let him take you to court, and let the caffcass officer know why you have concerns about his parenting

Oh really? Not seen that thread! I don’t get it. I have an 18 year old daughter. The thought disgusts me (and her!)

Let him take you to court. He won't- fuckwit stbxhs all say the exact same thing. Every weekend is not fair if you work full time - even if you had 50/50 You would still get weekends. Just try to ignore him.

What you offered seems reasonable. With fairly young children it is generally advised that they see the non-resident parent "little and often". As far as I know, every weekend access does not work for long - not for the child or for the parents. You won't get as much quality time with your child, he won't get to do anything at the weekend in terms of socialising and as your child gets older they will need flexibility in where they stay at weekends due to activities, parties, play dates etc. Alternate weekends are the norm.

In terms of whether he is a good parent or not - unless you have reported any abusive or damaging behaviour, not much of what you say will be used against him.

You could get a solicitor (if you can afford it) - you will probably be advised to go to a mediation meeting first and assuming there has been no abuse or coercion, mediation may be a good route to go down.

Go out on Friday evening if you feel uneasy about him coming over and make sure that there is someone with you on Saturday for the handover. Someone who is not likely to escalate any conflict.

And if it makes it easier, try to always remember that contact is not for your ExH but it is for your DC. And the more you two can keep things as amicable as possible where it is safe for you to do so the more likely your child will thrive.

Let him take you to court, they will be much more reasonable.

It won't be a popular opinion but I wish I had said no contact take me to court, as if he's flakey he won't bother and you've got rid