To be disappointed with my life?

[KateM91x]

Minimum wage job, no progression, no pay rise
Basic boring car
Single for 6 years, proving to be difficult trying to find a decent and honest man

The only thing that’s good in life is family and friends, and oh my flat (which costs me a pretty penny).

Would love a new car (yes I’m being a little materialistic), well not even a new car but a better one but will never be able to afford it on my wages. I’ve been in the same job since I was 18 and really don’t know how to do anything else. I guess I’d have to retrain.

I won’t lie, I envy some of my friends who have great jobs and drive nice cars. I realise these are very trivial things and there are people much worse of than myself but AIBU to just be disappointed in my life and how it turned out?

I wish I’d done better in school, thought more about my future and how my decisions would effect that. At 16 I just didn’t care.

Anyone else in the same boat? Please tell me to stop being a miserable cow!

Change is always possible, it doesn't happen overnight but it does start with you.

I'm Not doing anything fantastic at the moment and was/am in the same boat as you op. I've achieved alot in the last few yrs but they are relatively normal things for most people, learn to drive, set up a small business just for an income, get a car etc.
But my starting point was single mum no job, no friends and no qualifications.

I spent the last two or even 3yrs wanting change and not knowing what until this year I did a part time evening course on something I'm interested in and I had studied independently for a couple yrs which lead to me applying and now going to college full-time this August.

I'm petrified of the change and all the what ifs but I'm going to do it anyway, there's safety in continueing what you do even if you don't like it.

If you are thinking of career change maybe look at a part time course to ease you in but also check if your colleges do access courses which are pretty intense but are meant for adult returners.

If you are in Scotland check out Swap access courses.

I found this stuff out by chance just by popping into a careers Scotland office and talking with someone there.

I retrained career totally in my late twenties. I ended up studying for nine years in total part time. I do love studying though so it's a mindset that was no issue for me. It was a lot of work I'm not going to fib even a bit. I also met my now DH at work when I was 30. That's a bit of an issue with your job meeting eligible men.

I think running your own business takes a dedication and enthusiasm not many can meet.

A friend told me to draw an apple tree. On the apple tree write down anything that comes to mind, e.g. poetry, riding horses, travelling the world .... Basically everything that makes you happy.

You then take three of them to see what jobs you might be able to find with these.

At the moment on Indeed.com there are jobs listed for MI6, trainee air traffic controller, stable hand, receptionists. I am looking for myself and I just typed in my area and up they popped. Also plenty of carer and waitressing jobs.

Your current job there is always demand for so if you take a chance you can always go back to a similar role. Have you looked at teaching assistant roles. Nanny abroad sounds exciting.

It maybe that your new job is minimum wage but the chance to progress is there. Or even a change is as good as a break.

What are you doing with your evenings and weekends?

Study
Volunteer
Get involved in your community
Learn car mechanics so you can get an old banger and do it up

If you imagine your ideal self, who are you? What job do you do? What kind of lifestyle do you have? Any hobbies? You can definitely make changes.
Keep looking op and see what inspires you. It’s a good time to be thinking of courses for September enrolment. Look further afield if your local college doesn’t have anything.
Lots of courses are eligible for loans.

And dont forget you have good family and friends which is priceless !

Have you thought about becoming a personal carer? There are often families looking for carers to employ through direct payments. There are many children with disabilities who need one to one care as well as adults (like myself) who require personal care. The money is better than minimum wage and if you are the type of person who enjoys caring for people it could be a very rewarding role.

Alternatively you could look into funding for an open university degree- which could possibly lead to going to University/ college for a teaching position/ retrain as a teacher.

I'm a firm believer in us having to take responsibility for our lives. When you're older you won't regret not doing better in school, you'll regret not changing it when you had a chance. My mum is 54 and she's just up sticks to another part of the country giving up her successful job to pursue a completely different career path from scratch. It is never too late. Go back to school if you have to, volunteer, volunteer abroad, whatever it is it is YOUR life and you have complete control over it.

Family and friends are the most important thing in life in my opinion. Some people earn 80k and have no family or friends to share their life with and are unhappy. A job you can work towards changing but you can't change your family!

So you have a good grounding to build from is my point

And it IS possible to neighsayers. I got pregnant relatively young with no financial security (although I'd just got my degree) my now husband and I were on every benefit under the sun. But we didn't want that. I went back to university for my postgraduate qualification (career development loan) while finding a 4 day a week related job, he joined a successful career path (no higher qualifications) all while moving 100s of miles away from our family with no support as that's what we had to do. Within 6 years we went from benefits to above average wages, 2 cars, professionals, mortgage and another child to boot. But it was bloody hard work, taking every opportunity we had, but most importantly we just never accepted our previous life, we knew we deserved more and with a non defeatist attitude and positivity got on with it.

Sorry if that sounds boastful, but sometimes modesty and settling doesn't get you any where, think about what you REALLY want, how you can get it, then go do it knowing you can. Then come back here and be boastful.

A close friend of mine used to work in a nursery and had much the same complaints as you - it is stressful and the pay isn’t very good at all, considering how much responsibility you have.

About 5/6 years ago, she quit and went and worked for a debt collection agency (not everyone’s cup of tea, but any type of call centre is the same really). She worked on the phones for a year or so before becoming a Team Leader and then working her way up through the ranks. She recently got her PRINCE2 qualification (paid for by work) and is working as a project manager for a very large, well known company. She’s on a very good wage and is happy. She didn’t do very well at school, didn’t go to college or uni and I probably wouldn’t describe her as the sharpest tool in the box (but neither am I!)

Realising you want a change is the first step, building yourself up to make it is the next step. I’d start with updating your cv and browsing other roles, you might just see something you want enough to make the leap!

Have you thought about teaching? My friend is retraining from nursery worker to infant school teacher? she’s had to do a lot of studying in the evenings but its a logical progression.

If you haven’t been to Uni yet then you haven’t used your one attempt at it! You’re in a better position than someone who did a degree they regret but can’t do another as you’ll only get the loans for one.

Best route to a decent career and salary ime is a profession. Go to Uni and study nursing, social work, counselling, law, anything with a job at the end. Some courses come with a bursary and most students have to work part or full time around their courses anyway. I did a two year MA and had to work eighty hours per week for half of that time but no kids so it was fine.

This is a long haul plan for you OP but you can’t start planning until you know what you want to get to at the end. I did a useless (but much loved) degree 19-22, realised at 24 I was in a dead end NMW job I couldn’t get out of so went back to retrain with the MA, worked in the profession for a couple years then got funded to do some additional training via work which took another year. It helped I always had an idea what I wanted to do and had therefore been volunteering constantly from 19 in my actual area of interest, all that experience helped a lot. I’m now thirty and have hopefully finished studying for now, but in that six years I’ve managed to triple my salary, have two professional registrations to use/fall back on, a lovely job I adore which is stimulating and has so much flexibility and freedom, drive brand new cars (leased through work) and enjoy Mondays as I get to wake up and do something I enjoy.

I only finished my MA at 26 and had been working nmw service and retail jobs since 16 and through Uni so it’s been amazing to finally get off that bottom rung of income and away from jobs I never enjoyed. But that decade of NMW retail L taught me so much I still use.

You can change if you want to but it’s not gonna happen unless you know where you’re heading. Do any of the professions appeal to you? Check out the HCPC register and the professions they govern to see if anything appeals (dietician, SW, all sorts). You might have to go to college first for your A Levels but that’s fine. The next two years will pass whether you stay the same or make a change.

If you loved nannying but gave it up because there's not much call for nannying in your area, it's obvious what you need to do - move to where the work is. It can be well paid, opportunity to travel if it's a wealthy family - what's not to like? You sound young, no kids, do it NOW before you're tied down with responsibilities.

It doesn't matter what you do just do something. My 25 year old ds was faffing around working in a low paid job with no prospects. I convinced him last year to do a 2 year Accounting Technician night course. He now has a year done and really enjoyed it. He worked hard, showed up to all his lectures and sat the exams. That in itself is an achievement and it will stand to him and has increased his self esteem. He may never use it but so what he has it and it gives him more options. Already he has an interview for a clerical position in the Civil Service and he will now be able to demonstrate a lot more of the competencies that he would have been able to do so a year ago.

I am 43 and I work full time and earlier this year I just completed my professional accountancy qualification. I did it at night and I have small children too. Just last week a job came up in my organisation for a related field and I asked for it and am going to be starting in the position in the next few weeks.

My dh also went and did his degree aged 40 and has gotten work from it.

It is possible, it is doable, but you have to put in the hard work and sacrifice. It pays off in more ways that one. It won't be just the skills you obtain but it will be the feeling of accomplishment and knowing that you have control and options in your life.

It doesn't matter what you do just do something.

I don’t agree with this.

OP has already said there’s an element of ‘can’t be arsed’ with the hard work needed to change. I think it really has to be something meaningful to her for her to want to put the effort in. Choosing the wrong way forward could hurt her confidence and waste time and money.

OP, step one is figuring out where you want to be. Then how to get there. Don’t just do something without knowing where it might end up.

Op your problem isn't ability- it's self esteem. You need to work on that (lifelong struggle for me so not easy I know). Your perception of your intelligence is incorrect- it's clear from the way you write that you're intelligent. Start challenging your inner voice

I did the same job for nearly 15 years and I felt exactly the same. I had to change my life. Knew what I wanted to do.Did some research . Went to college did the GCSEs needed, access course, I will be finishing my degrees next year and in this profession there’s a not of jobs available. I am enjoying my course, met new people and am happier. Well career wise.