To wonder how to broach the subject of puberty with DS?

[Jac1970stone]

Hi would very much appreciate some advice!

12 year old DS has started signs of puberty, and asked me the other day “what is masturbation” and “what is porn” as another child at school had said about it and he didn’t understand what it was.

Have had a basic conversation about it and stressed that puberty is normal changes to his body causing reactions etc etc and the dangers of porn and unrealistic view points for women and not part of a healthy good relationship and internet safety but really need to find out more about how to answer his questions! I am a single mum so don’t have a lot of knowledge from a boys perspective...

I had the Dr Miriam Stoppard book the “Questions Children Ask” but that’s very basic and only goes up to age 11 and is very much “a baby happens when a mummy and daddy love each other” type which is not really appropriate in this case.

Are there any pointers on what to say, or any books that I can buy him to read that anyone can recommend?

Couldn’t find a suitable category for this so apologies for putting under AIBU.

Thanks in advance.

He will surely have learned a fair bit about puberty at school already. It’s good he’s asking you though. I did buy a book for my son but found it very detailed indeed - not what I wanted.

Dr Christian has done a book on ‘growing up’ which I found to be very informative but not overly graphic

Oh dear, you really have left this far too long. However, I can reccomend a book that I bought for DD1 when she was 9, which will cover everything from sex to masturbation and periods to wet dreams. Everything he needs to know 2 secs and I'll link it

This is the one

keep leaving informative material in the downstairs loo. This was how my mum was able to talk to us about periods........... true story, she's so awkward. Get ready for your son to enter into the long shower years.

rain, why wouldn't you want it to be detailed?

mountains 😂My parents were really prudish and taught us nothing, so I've vowed to be open and make sex as non-taboo as possible. 11 year old DD knows all about it and thinks its cringy but feels comfortable asking about it which is all I wanted really.

I have not read it, but there's a book called "The 'What's Happening to My Body?' Book for Boys". This might be helpful.

My kid is 13 and I told her she had three options: we could talk, I could get a book and we could go through it together, or I could get a book and she could read it herself and ask if she had any questions. She opted for the third option. This was for sex ed specifically. I did talk to her before about periods and used some books with her that we went through together. I figured that giving her choices and ensuring the communication lines were open would be the best way to make it less awkward.

I bought usborne books for my eldest 2. I've always been fairly open and dropped little conversations in over the years. Then in about year 5 I gave them each the book and said "oh have a read of this book about puberty and growing up then ask me anything you like".

The books are perfect for your sons age and explain everything in easy language. It's also an excellent chance to keep talking to ds about it

I'm starting a 1st period gift box for DD, she assured me that she doesn't need a "What's Happening to Me" book, as she's read a lot, and asked me questions to fill in the gaps when she was 9.

I found that films and tv programmes contain good discussion starters.

fatcow2018 there was too much writing - it was beyond his reading age and I really wanted something he could read himself, and then talk to me or his dad about, rather than one we read to him.

We just talked to our kids, I never really thought about buying books, just chatted and answered questions. I'm surprised nothing has come up before now OP, our chats went back to when they were very small and asked about my c-section scar or my pads in the loo. By 12 dd had started her periods so it would have been very unfair not to have prepared her for that. I guess there is less urgency with boys, but most will have had a few sexual thoughts, seen older kids with facial hair/ breaking voices etc surely?

How did he get to 12 with no sex ed class at school?

My DS had classes in school from the age of 7; the school showed the video to parents who were interested beforehand so they could answer questions.

I would hazard a guess he was trying to embarrass you. :)

Thank you all - have ordered the books recommended. He has had some sex Ed classes at School but they haven’t really covered that aspect - more about keeping privates private and how babies are made - technical but not what he is trying to find out! He also had to change schools so may have missed some of it due to lack of continuity. We have talked about things before quite openly but I don’t really know much about this side of things to be able to answer fully and only have the female perspective. Thank you to everyone for the suggested reads.

Haven't they done this at school? Puberty is part of Year 4 (may be year 3 actually) includes erections , wet dreams etc etc

Sorry cross posted.

My 12 year old DS woke up this morning with a mustache!

Is there no father or male role model on the scene?

When my boys were approaching puberty I found it frustrating that all the sex education at school focussed on girls. I was that parent who watched the school video. I recall DS saying they had learned all about periods but nothing about how boys bodies change.

Ds12- we are open about everything. 'Mum what's these?' Pointing to tampons and towels at about 8,'what's masterbation?' It's when you play with your willy in private' that was about 9. 'Mum we learnt about periods and stuff today at school, I think I understand it more now than before, so is that why you are cranky for 5 days each month?' Ds18 pipes up 'just 5 days??'

OP just be open and honest! Don't get 'clinical', use words they will have heard, so they don't get confused. Most of all don't be embarrassed! This is normal. I had 'so do you masterbate mum?'