Was this insensitive...

[LadyRussell]

Feeling shit as I had my cat PTS last week.

Took her to the vets twice on the day as first vet was really caring and understanding and gave me some pills to give her to see if she improved.

She didn’t and by the evening it was clear we needed to take her to the emergency vets.

Vet was trying to be sympathetic but cake across as fake. I was crying my eyes out and she didn’t so much as offer me a tissue. She was quite keen to just take her off and do it without us there by we stayed and held her till she had gone.

What keeps going around in my head is when the cat had died (we asked for a communal cremation - we don’t have a garden) the vet said “they will come and get her on Tuesday” so now in my head I know my cats body is on the freezer at the vets I have to drive by until bloody Tuesday.

So uneccessary IMO.

I know I’m the scheme of things I shouldn’t dwell on it but I really think she could have been a bit more sensitive.

*came

Sorry for your loss. I had to let my dog go in February. It's awful.

That vet doesn't sound very compassionate, but maybe they are very busy?

Tho saying that, my emergency vet is the rvc hospital in potters bar and they've never been like that.

*Though

Sorry for your loss. She is at peace now and no longer suffering. Try to hold on to that. You did the kindest thing you could for her and were with her when it mattered

I'm so sorry about your cat.

I guess people go on to veterinary medicine because they're good with animals but not necessarily people.

I would not have wanted to be offered a tissue or wanted to be with my cat when they were put to sleep, and would have wanted to know about Tuesday. But I'm sorry you didn't find your vet sympathetic enough. Maybe you could politely offer them some feedback?

I would have appreciated being told that she was being collected on Tuesday so wouldn’t personally have found it insensitive. YANBU to have the feeling you do though, they’re your feelings. As the poster above said, could you offer some feedback?

Oh OP I'm so very sorry for your loss. I understand exactly how you feel, my fur babies are so precious to me and if I had them PTS I would stay and hold them and comfort them so they weren't scared at the end. I'm so sorry you've gone through this incredibly hard time, and it's made worse feeling that the vet rushed you or didn't care. I imagine they have to remain detached so they can go on and focus on the next emergency that comes in and that may sometimes come across the wrong way. Or that maybe her people skills weren't where they should be. And it would break my heart to think about the Tuesday thing.
Nothing but time will make you feel better - I am so very sad for you though and I hope as time passes the pain eases. All my sympathy OP xx

the vet said “they will come and get her on Tuesday”

People vary wildly in whether more information comforts or upsets them. There will be pet owners on the other side who'd be very keen to know this factoid and may indeed find comfort in driving past the vets for those few days.

Sorry for your sad loss. I do think maybe you are lashing out at the vet when you are just sad and angry about your poor cat. It really is best for the vet to be matter of fact when you're feeling emotional- they have a job to do and have to be professional and keep it together. She was maybe telling you about Tuesday in case you change your mind and decide to bury her. My little dog is buried in my garden and it gives me so much comfort to know she is close by me as she was in life.

I don't think that they were intentionally insensitive, it's hard to know what different people will find insensitive and what they won't. Sorry to hear about your cat.

I'm so sorry OP, YANBU these things colour our experiences so much.

My mum was distraught when we lost our previous gorgeous mog. The vet was amazing. The receptionist was bored throughout all of her dealings with my very upset mum in the last few days and my dad had to go in & settle the final bill as mum refused to go in & see the dragon bitch. She still mentions this horrible woman who doesn't even work there now!

I didn’t think I would want to be there but actually it was instinctively the right thing to do for me.

I didn’t even think about it.