People assume people are ok

[maskingtape]

I'm feeling incredibly low today. I've realised how completely alone I really am. No kids, no partner, no really close friends locally...Nobody really.

I have a friend about an hour away who I've supported massively through her having anxiety and stress. She's much better now but the support hasn't been reciprocated when I've said how low I am. I can go through weeks not having a proper conversation with anyone. It's evident that nobody cares at all that I'm at a horrendous low point. I have no one. I have nobody. Work has been really hard so I'm suffering stress too.

My sister is also pregnant which I'm struggling to come to terms with (I can't have kids). I'm struggling a lot with that.

I'd quite happily not exist at the moment (Not in a suicidal way but just a not wanting to feel like this anymore).

I think it can be quite ‘normal’ to feel as you do sometimes.

How long have you felt like this?

Are there any barriers to you making new friends, finding a partner? Would you be willing to start a hobby or do a course which gets you out there? Could you get a dog? Many of my friends say how sociable dog walking can be because you meet the same people on your walks and strike up conversation.

Could you suggest a get together with colleagues after work?

Also the situation with your sister is a tough one and won’t be helping how you feel at all. So don’t be too tough on yourself at the moment.

Remind yourself that these things you feel you’re missing won’t knock on your door. You need to, when you feel ready, go out and look for them. It’s not easy to do but can be done.

It’s often when times are rough you realise who actually cares.

I agree with pp though the best thing you can probably do is actively work to build yourself a friendship/support group.

Until a few years ago I had one close friend, pushed myself out of my comfort zone to join a running club and it has made a massive difference

How often do you feel this way? I empathise, it's okay to have a bit of a misery-monger day from time to time - we can't always be 'fine'. But what if anything do you see yourself realistically doing to change things?

People do assume others are fine unless they hear otherwise. Please try not to take that personally.

Could you ring your friend or sister for a chat? Even if it’s just a light hearted catch up, it might help you to feel less alone.

The Samaritans will always listen and it might help to speak to someone. Your gp would be a good next step.

Oh OP, I understand exactly where you're coming from. There are few of us who are truly alone these days. Since I lost my dad earlier this year (I lived with him) my sister has been fab but my brothers lives have just gone on (not local to me) and my sister has her own family.
Like you I have no one, and am finding it quite hard. Luckily my colleagues are fab, so I'm just spending longer at work when I can. The downside is, I'm skipping meals and lost nearly half a stone the last couple of weeks. Dad would always be here to say"you're looking a bit thin" but when family don't even bother to call you, it seems so pointless.
. For you. I do understand, even if I can't make it better. I see so many people around me say "I carry on for the kids" but I don't even have that!

I suppose it's come on over the last couple of years. Two good friends moved abroad. I moved for work to a really quiet place. Very few groups or anything so I can't seem to build up any kind of social life. I doubt the doctor can help. I don't think I'm depressed. I'm lonely.

Can you change your job and move somewhere that there's more going on and more chance of meeting people?

I do tend to assume people are ok, and I know that's not great. It's not that I don't care, more that life tends to be so busy I don't have a chance to think if I'm ok or not, never mind anyone else. I always make time for people when I do know they need it though.

Do you have any pets? I know it may sound daft, and maybe it's not your thing, but they can be great company.

Hugs for you OP. I know the feeling

What sort of job are you in? Is moving feasible? As you are solo you might have quite a few opportunities available to you as you don't have anyone to consider.

A relative of mine moved to a quiet town where she knew nobody. Sh e happened to get talking to another woman in the library, which led to her being invited to join the local knitting and sewing group. It wasn't then a particular interest of hers, but she went along, and acquired a new hobby and a circle of friends. So as pp said, do put yourself out there. Library, coffee shops, local museums, church, if that's your thing. Even a bus ride is an opportunity to talk to someone new.

Also, if you have a particular hobby, can you look for residential weekends or longer courses? You'd have something in your diary to look forward to, and they're a good way to meet new people. I've made lasting friendships on courses and special interest holidays, and we meet up separately from the course or holiday.

I can't move. I've committed to living here and my morgage is fixed. I can't afford a holiday. I'm hundreds of pounds overdrawn. Living solo can be impossible.

maskingtape

Masking tape - you could be me. It’s so difficult sometimes. I can’t have children either and at my age (37) it seems like my biological clock and my brain haven’t got that message and every time I see a baby I get an awful feeling of envy which I hate but can’t control.
So whilst I cant purport to know exactly how you feel, I have experience in infertility. It’s bloody hard x

I moved away ten years ago and found it so lonely. It’s easy to fall into a depressive cycle of wake - work - home and I could go without seeing or talking to anyone for ages. It can be hard and tiring to get yourself up from that pattern and unfortunately it’s only you who can do it.

I know it’s a cliché and people always say this but you need to find something you have a passion for (for me it was cake making and I enrolled in a fondant decorating course) because that is the quickest way you’ll meet like minded people who may become friends.

If you can’t think of anything like that then now is the ideal time to find something new to do. . I know, it’s not easy but you have to sometimes work things like this out to be able to make friends.

You mention you are struggling a bit financially? What about a part time job two nights a week? Supermarkets are always looking (as an example) and it’ll get you out of the house.

I do hope you soon feel better. I went to the dr who prescribed me with severe social anxiety and I’m now on medication for such.

It’s not as simple as a magic wand though, it’s something we have to work at daily.

I hope things are soon much brighter for you x

Mollie85 - Thanks for your kind words. Part time work would be hard as I'm a teacher and the hours are really really long. I'm a similar age to you. I know what you mean about the clock ticking.

Have you heard of Gateway Women? they're a support group for women without children (for whatever reason). They helped me out when I was at my lowest point regarding infertility and they're a really good way of connecting with other women going through the same thing.

I've never heard of them. That sounds ideal. Thank you.