Taking me to court for contact??

[sunnyrainywhatever]

Sorry I know this isn't really aibu but need some quick advice.

Long story short, very acrimonious ex, hideous hideous hideous person who has made my life hell and still is even though we have been over since Feb.

Contact has been offered to him on weekends and now during the week, as he seems to have 'lost his job'. In two months, four of those contact opportunities (sometimes for two days running) have been cancelled extremely short notice by him (think literally as I am about to set off to drop of DS in a public place - don't ask).

I have heard that he is planning on taking me to court for a contact order, claiming that I am withholding contact (I am not, I have made DS available for the times he has demanded, offered him alternative contact that he hasn't taken me up on and has actually not replied to emails until the morning of the offered contact claiming it is too short notice) driven halfway to collect him, etc). Seeing as he has cancelled six out of a potential eighteen contact opportunities with increasingly flimsy excuses, I was wondering if anyone knew how that would affect the outcome if he did take me to court?

Oh and needless to say, he is contributing absolutely zilch financially.

The changes mean that separating couples will have to attend an initial information and assessment session to see whether it would be better for them to use mediation than to get embroiled in a legal battle over dividing property and agreeing child custody arrangements.

I would bet my life he won't take you to court so dont even stress about it.
Keep a record or communications and stop doing so much for him, he wants the kid he comes and gets him, I did it all and it just leads to resentment when you're already doing all the hard work. I still do more than my share of picking and dripping but only when it benefits me in some way, otherwise, he wants him he makes the journey, not my fault or problem he never bothered to pass his driving test.
Don't worry, I'm sorry he's a loser.

#metoo I love your optimism about needing to have approached mediation in a meaningful way. Sadly not. My ex would insist that we use top London barristers for mediation at great £. He would do 2 x 2 hr sessions without giving an inch. Yet I had to pay half of this nonsense. His next attempt at mediation was to bypass it totally on the grounds there was not sufficient time - I think we ended up waiting 9 months for that court date. Not even referred by the (fucking shit) judge.

Mediation is a farce. Everyone knows it but it is convenient to pretend the benefits. There are none.

I loathe the family court game. It actually distresses me that the lovely lawyers on here who give up a lot of time and advice seem committed to the total farce that is family court. Everyone would be better off if we all agreed that family court is England and wales is failing families. And badly.

Metoodear thanks for all that info. Very useful. Sorry your ex was as much of a twat as mine.
*
Greenlanes* I feel for you and agree that mediation probably won't get me anyway, considering as lots of you lovely lot have confirmed that I am being fair and reasonable whereas twatface is not.

Just out of interest, what sort of figure does court cost?

*anywhere not anyway

I split from my ex early 2000's so my info is clearly out of date re mediation.

That said, if my ex had been forced to go mediation first I strongly suspect we would still have ended up in court cos he just didn't 'get' that his flaking on contact meant he had a right to see dd whenever he liked in the intervening time between the next contact! Just wouldn't be told! He got dropped by 2 lawyers and by the time we got to the last hearing my rep (I had a barrister by this point as it was getting stupid!)

His own lawyer - in the bit outside the court - was having a real job getting him to shut up and listen to her telling him he wasn't going to get what he wanted - which was basically to phone me an hour before and demand contact as and when on that basis, essentially wanted to be able to click his fingers and me come running!!

Instead, and several on mn have said this can't be done - it can I've the court order to prove it somewhere

He was given one day at weekends inc an overnight. Which is what I had wanted from beginning. I'd have also liked him to see her one day in week - which he rejected (I photocopied that bit just in case he claimed to his supporters he wanted to see dd more and was denied).

But - here's the bit people tell you can't be done - he was warned ANY more flakiness and he'd lose all contact rights. Judge was clearly aware of the history of him slamming it back to court for the slightest bloody reason and that he needed reining in!

For 6 months after that he did behave, contact, maintenance the lot!

Then he moved in his job (same location but sideways move to increase chance of promotion) and it all went to pot again! I reckon cos his previous boss had ALSO had enough of him taking time off to go to court and had also had a word, but when he got a different boss he saw that as a reason he could start messing about again. But the difference was this time I didn't rise to him like I had before, I simply said - crack on, you know what the court order says. So reminding him it wasn't in his interests to take me to court again which he didn't.

Within a few years we'd both moved away from the location, several hundred miles from each other and he just didn't bother making arrangements, booking leave from work etc.

His loss. I have a cracking relationship with dd now 17. He'll never have that. I already know through the grapevine (he's a plank and forgets we know the same people sometimes) that he really regrets his actions, but also knows it's too late to make it up to dd, he can build a relationship with her as his adult dd, it's not the same.

Graphista - what a tit!!! But glad it had a good outcome, despite the bloody circus going on. Similar here, he thinks he can just text the day before demanding her for however many hours, but as a single mum obviously my week is planned to a tee, and he does not respond to the offers I make.

How (and more importantly why???!!) the hell does he expect me to jump through hoops for him, when I am the one who is single handedly raising our son, and goes running to whoever claiming I'm the evil Bitch.

I am feeling more confident after the replies on here that he a) is too fucking lazy and wouldn't want to waste money on taking me to court b) they would most likely tell him to cop onto himself as I have all the evidence needed to prove he is a bloody liability. He has seen ds twice in the last four weeks out of a possible six pre-arranged contacts... what a bloody joke.

It's bonkers - why? Because they get to opt out of being fathers BUT (they think - I think fewer people are fooled than admit it to them though) they get to make it look like they're the victim, you're the one 'stopping contact' which is of course bollocks!

My mess was quite funny at times! When he was on his 3rd lawyer - my lawyer commented as soon as she saw who it was! Basically said 'he's ended up with her cos nobody else will take him! Lawyers talk! If you're an awkward client they'll just not take you on, except the less savvy or reputable ones who just take the money, do as client asks despite knowing it's a waste of clients money'

Ex still complains about the 'almost £100,000 I spent taking you to court' - more fool him, if he's stuck to the contact agreed he'd have saved a lot of that money AND have a good relationship with dd.

When this all started he lived a 10 min WALK from us and couldn't lift his arse out his pit! Too busy reliving his 'youth' out clubbing every night with ow! Twat!!

But in your case, I wouldn't stress about him taking you to court, it's likely to be him blowing hot air anyway (as is very common) and by sounds of things regs are that you'd have to go mediation first anyway AND you've plenty of proof of his twattish flakiness!

You can self rep in court. He wants contact "yes that's fine with me I'll make DS available every x and y for him to collect just like I have up until now..."

Ugh, I just don't get it? He was pushing for 50:50 contact at the beginning, then tried to worm his way back in by wanting to spend time 'as a family' but when it became clear that that was never going to happen, and also he realised he would have to actually look after him, ya know, cos he's a baby? Needs feeding, entertaining, changing, generally being kept alive and all that... can't even manage that for five hours it seems, but oh he'll take me to court? For what exactly??? Maybe he wants to take me to court for less contact?

GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Sorry, I am hot and sleep deprived and grumpy and so fed up of that odious wormy manchild, and his flakiness, his 'poor me' act, and his constant threats.

I feel so awful for DS because it's becoming increasingly clear that he doesn't care at all about him, just cares about trying to exert control over me, and using him to make my life even more bloody difficult than it already is as a single first time mum with very little support (let alone the financial side!). If you had told me this time last year I would be in this position I would have laughed smugly and think inwardly 'that will never happen'. But it has, but I do not have time for his pathetic little games. I hope if he does find a lawyer, he does find a money grabbing immoral one who rinses him dry.

But nearly £100,000??? *faints in shock'

I agree that talk of 50/50 and court is to puss you off. Perhaps he fantasized about you begging him to change his mind blah blah blah.

You've been more than accommodating. Worst case scenario : he takes you to court, self-rep and let him get his order. You know that he can't cope with a Day never mind 50/50 so he'll fail sticking to it then you can go back and get the CAO discharged.

It is sad for ds that his Dad is crap. I'd be grateful that ds doesn't realise how crap.

Yep I agree. Thing is I wish he would just drop the facade of pretending to be this doting dad, when nothing could be further from the truth. Part of the reason that we broke up was because he was hardly ever here and even when he was, he showed little to zero interest in ds, plenty of examples of him not changing nappies, ignoring him crying or not feeding him 😢 and I've already mentioned the complete lack of financial support.

I only hope that it is just another of his threats. I sent him the link to the family mediation thingy that another poster kindly shared. No reply, as blinking usual. No doubt he will send me an email later today, demanding to see ds at the nth hour and when I say I have already made plans, rave on about how obstructive I am and how I am preventing him from seeing him, blah blah yadda yadda.

He will probably drift out of your lives until you get NC, which is the best thing from your pov. In the meantime he wants to impress his family into thinking how good he is and how mean you are, AND at the same time get a bit of fun harrassing you!

Don't bother trying to take DC to meet him It's his job to come to you! And don't let it get to you.