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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be uncomfortable with this friendship

11 replies

straw56565 · 24/06/2018 10:19

At primary school/secondary school I had a friend. Well, I say friend, but in reality she was a mean and hurtful girl. I know she was a child, but things people do to us as children really stick.

She would go from being my best friend to completely ignoring me in favour of the 'popular' girls, and did things that really hurt me. She told the class I (and my sisters) had headlice, which meant I had no friends for about 6 months as no one wanted to go near me. She made friends with people who were bullies and didn't like me, so she would run away from me in the playground, or say we should play 'hide and seek' where I hide and she would never come. Things like that. But months later she would come back and like a foolish child I would accept her back, mainly because I was so lonely and had no other friends.

At about 14 we completely went our separate ways and I never looked back. In my mind, she was a little cow and I didn't need her toxic nature in my life.

I tried to separate myself from the person I was back then and don't associate with anyone from those days, I moved away when I went to uni and even now avoid going back to my hometown more than three times a year or so. It wasn't just this girl, I suffered bullying and had many awful experiences during my school years.

Fast forward a few years and I am in my mid-to late 20s. My sister who is six years younger than me now works at the same place as this girl and they've become good friends. As in, more than colleagues, they're on each other's social media and speak outside work etc. She (my sister) says this girl is really nice now. I know I'm probably being irrational as it was over a decade ago and she was a child, but I can't help but feel a little uncomfortable with it. I understand the need to be civil with colleagues, but they've become very pally. My sister says I should forget the past and have a 'reunion' but there's no way I could do that. I know she was a child, but she knew she was hurting me.

OP posts:
RestingBitchFaced · 24/06/2018 10:24

No-one is asking you to be friends with her. You are allowed to dislike her still even as an adult. Your sister can make her own decisions. I would have nothing to do with her if I were you

Shoxfordian · 24/06/2018 10:25

You've no obligation to make friends with her, great for your sister but you don't have to have a reunion or make friends. Just say you're not interested in being friends with her and keep repeating that whenever anyone asks.

cafenoirbiscuit · 24/06/2018 10:32

Block her on social media for now so you can still comment on your sister’s posts and pictures. She may well have changed since school days - but don’t feel forced into having her in your life because your sister wants you to.

Belindabauer · 24/06/2018 10:34

I'd do what cafe suggests.

TuTru · 24/06/2018 10:35

I agree with restingbitchface xx

Hidillyho · 24/06/2018 10:54

I am a very different person to who I was when I was 14. I’m pretty ashamed of who I was then and I would hate for someone to still believe I was the same type of person (although I would understand if they wanted to still view me in this way)
I’m not saying you should forgive this person but allowing this dislike for someone will be affecting you more than it will be them (if they are even aware of it).
You could just block her on social media and then you won’t see the posts but it might be worth seeing her when you are next in your home town just to see if she has changed

Alwaysadramaaa · 24/06/2018 11:00

I went to school with a girl similar to this, a bully & spoilt only child. We remained friendly till about college then grew apart for various reasons. 15 years later she is a teacher at my dd school & had a relationship with my brother although they have now split. She was a nice decent woman compared to the spoilt bully she was. People change, especially from childhood to adulthood. However nobody is forcing you to be friends with her

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 24/06/2018 17:14

YANBU, you don't have to see her, and if you don't want to, I think it's because you are still affected by her behaviour and haven't forgiven. Just tell your sister you've moved your life on.

It's either that or you meet up and have it out- if it won't damage her relationship with your sister or your relationship with her sister. I refuse to see someone who used to subtly bully me. She's still slightly friendly with friends of mine and apparently asked after me a few times. I made my feelings quite clear to her when she came up to my till at work. She still occasionally sees our mutual friend but she doesn't ask now!

letsallhaveanap · 24/06/2018 17:18

You dont have to be friends with her if you dont want to....
BUT people can and do change from how they were as a child
Im friends with someone now who used to bully me at primary school
When we met up as adults it turned out she is a lovely person... I made friends with her and she confided in me how unhappy she was at primary school because her parents had been the midst of a very angry divorce and that she had always been jealous of my nice house and loving parents

Velvete · 24/06/2018 17:24

I wouldn't have a reunion, just say to your sister you have no interest. If your sister is mates with her that's up to her but don't feel in any way like you need to meet up with her.

tccat · 24/06/2018 18:11

It's entirely your choice, I had similar in school, this girl bullied someone, was one of the popular ones, we had run ins a few times etc
Some years later we bonded over having our first children and became firm friends, I am closer to her than anyone and love her to bits, she would and has done anything for me and is the kindest nicest person I know, people change, we can all be arseholes at school

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