To think this is NOT a normal mother son relationship?

[YorkshireTea90]

Just that really. Been with DH for 8 years, mil is constantly here, nearly everyday. If they're not together, they're constantly texting.

Messages like " what did you eat today?", "what you've been up to?" At first I just thought they were just really close, but now I'm questioning it.

She tells him everything, when she was with her partner she would tell him every time they had an argument. I would know because he'd say "mum is coming round today, she had an argument with X.."

One time she wasn't speaking to her partner, and she told DH it was because he wanted sex the other night, and she wasn't in the mood.

AIBU to think this is not a normal mother son relationship?

I’m a woman and my mum would talk about sex with her partners to me. For a long time I didn’t see it as weird becaue it was what I was used to, that is until someone pointed it out. Then I seen it as odd myself. Long story short she was also very odd in other ways and we are no contact. Some people are like this with parents though and both seem unaffected by it and are ok with it. If they both are then I’m not sure what if you can do anything about it. Maybe mention it but not in attacking way or anything and see how he responds. But then I’m not sure if that’s ok to do. It’s your home too though so if she’s coming around a bit often maybe suggest they meet up outside the home.

My mil would be very close to DH-not to the extent of the sex thing,but then she's a widow and i think she's resigned to not going out with men again. When I look at her and bil, who lives with her, they are very close, he'd stan with his arm around her when they're chatting, they'd slag each other off, ring and text each other during the day, and I do think if he gets a girlfriend it'll be maybe a bit difficult for them all? Did I miss the age difference? Because mil had the kids as a teenager so she's a young mum, it could be a modern thing?

@QTQueer don't get me wrong. I'm all for people being close to their parents, but there's being close and then there's OTT. So many things have happened that just made me think 😲..

You know, on the British passport on the back you can write contact details of people close to you, in case you lose it. Guess who's name and contact details he wrote first?

When we first got married, we lived with his mum for a bit, he lost his job and he called his mum to tell her first. Didn't call me even though we were both in the house, his mum was in the garden and I overheard her say " aww I'm so sorry X.." . That really hurt me

Sometimes I feel like they're the married couple, and I'm just a spare part.

You know, on the British passport on the back you can write contact details of people close to you, in case you lose it. Guess who's name and contact details he wrote first?

That’s sensible, as a married couple you would most likely travel abroad/go on holiday together so it should be another relative.

My adult ds's discusses all sorts with me, including sex issues. But I would never discuss mine!! Dc don't need to know their dps have sex!!
It's too weird!!

So what it boils down to is you’re jealous that he has a close relationship to another woman (even though it’s his mother) she’s obviously incredibly important to him and maybe he rang her because he needed time or advice on how to break the news to you. Maybe her contact details are on his passport because he assumes he’ll be with you if anything happened.

I don’t think it’s as weird as some people do, to be honest. My DS is a bit of an over sharer though.

She didn’t go into details about her sex life so it’s hardly talking about it really.

weird mil really.

@Greenyogagirl oh god I knew this would come, it's not about jealousy. Trust me if you was a fly on the wall, witnessing everything that has happened you'd feel the same.

I have always felt like his mum came before me, always.

We don't get on, and in every argument we had he would always take her side, always make excuses for her. Never stood up for me, there was times when we're had a big row and I told him I didn't want his mum to come round, he would refuse and the next/day after she would come and I had to leave my own house, because I didn't want to be around her. So you know nothing.

His mom used to be like this to my DH, even telling him about the lack of sex life between her and his father!

I think the coming over to your house every day is far more of an issue than these thing. She didn’t have an explicit conversation about sex, she just said they’d fallen out because she didn’t want to have sex. I know plenty of women who, if their mum asked them why their dh was huffy, would happily say it’s because she wasn’t up for sex the previous night. Then the mum would likely eye roll and the conversation would move on. Nobody would suggest that was weird. No different because he’s a son and not a daughter. But the constant texting and visiting is too much. Have you told him how it makes you feel?

Tbh, the way you phrased being ‘young and stupid’ when you married him suggests this is just part of a bigger picture and you’re frustrated in your marriage. That’s. It a judgement just an observation.

not a judgement

Lord help you, grade A mammas boy on your hands. I'm a mother of sons and I pray I'm never this OTT.
Maybe he can help her make some new friends/support systems ? Or is this a co-dependent weirdness that he also enjoys

For goodness sake, mum’s can have discussions and friendships with their sons just like mums with daughters do. I agree perhaps the sex bit is odd but that is because I have teenage boys at this stage. Perhaps once they are settled adults then it might change and if I was single then we might laugh about my dating etc .........just like mum’s do with daughters.

Did you expect him to tell her to sod off once he had you? Or was she supposed to have you living in her home until you were ready to move out and then distance herself?
It might be a bit much for you but it sounds like it’s the straw that’s breaking the camels back to be honest

I'd find it odd any grown up feels the need to see their married child every day and all the texting....,, when does this give either the time or energy for any other relationship?

OP I think as he doesn't see there a problem, you should move out for a short time and see if he actually notices you've gone.

@Greenyogagirl no I don't expect him to tell her to sod off once he's had me. I guess this is a touchy subject for you because you're so close to your mum, and like DH see no problem with it.

I have a DS and a DD, and there's no way I'm gonna pop round to their house everyday, or text them constantly once they're married. I have a life. And yes this is one of the straws, and he has his own problems and I've just bottled up my feelings for a long time

Not a touchy subject but yes I saw my parents every day and text them a lot.
I suppose I don’t really comprehend how bad it is but obviously
Nobody should make you feel
So unhappy and maybe it’s time to let those feelings out

Is this acceptable if it were a mother and daughter being this close?

Is this acceptable if it were a mother and daughter being this close?

No, the husband would be just as annoyed at having no time or privacy with his wife if the mother is always there demanding attention.

3 people in a marridge is never a good idea

You've got a unusual selection of posters today, OP. Do people here really tell their male or female children about their sex lives?

A lot do, apparently, in goady-fucker--land.