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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've had enough of DH smelling all the time...

19 replies

JammyGem · 23/06/2018 19:22

I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant, still suffering from morning sickness and still super sensitive to smells.

We both smoked, both agreed we'd give up if we had children. The pregnancy wasn't planned but I gave up the day I found out. He promised he would too. But still smokes the same amount. Whenever he's near me all I can smell is the smoke.

He also smokes weed every now and then. I didn't have a problem with this and would occasionally even join him. But again, he hasn't stopped since I became pregnant, although previously promising to.

And he farts all the fucking time. Really stinky ones. He pushes them out and when I moan at him he just says it hurts his stomach to keep them in. No answer to why he can't go into another room though.

I'm just so fed up of constantly feeling like I'm going to throw up. The kitchen stinks of weed as that's where he rolls up. He spends most of his time in the living room so that's a no go as all I can smell is tobacco. Our bedroom reeks of his farts, even with the window open. The bathroom stinks because he's always got a dodgy tummy.

I'm just so fed up. I know he can't help it and I know I'm super sensitive to smells at the moment but it's just the lack of respect and the fact he'd promise he'd give up smoking but hasn't even tried.

Are my hormones making me UR or do I have a right to be feeling down about this?

OP posts:

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 23/06/2018 19:25

YANBU. Tell him to go and live somewhere else for 9 months.

Adambarlow · 23/06/2018 19:29

I wouldn’t have got pregnant with a drug user. You’ve been very irresponsible.

Cornettoninja · 23/06/2018 19:31

I don’t think your being unreasonable. I never really lost the sensitivity to smells and have a partner who didn’t give up smoking either.

When dd was a baby it was wash, teeth brush and a change of clothes before I’d let him near her and I insist on it now when they’re horse playing or he’s putting her to bed and he smells faggy.

Thing is, and I only know this as an ex smoker, he will never believe how bad the smell is. You have an amazing tolerance to it and it really sounds like people are blowing it out of proportion.

I don’t really know how to get through to someone completely resistant to taking your requests seriously other than pulling out the ultimatums and telling him he has to change or go. And meaning it.

FizzyWizzyFlash · 23/06/2018 19:43

Can't relate to the smoking bit however can relate to the wind.

You know my OH has been In a room because it starts to smell awful within minutes. He has a burping and gas problem due to his diet.

It came to a point where I felt emotionally drained just being in the same house as him because I was living with a horrible smell all the fucking time. I get you. It's so difficult to live with a smelly person and it really brought me down.

Your OH needs to sort himself out. With the smoking . That is super unfair on you and baby. Is he going to do this when baby arrives?

I stopped sleeping in the same room as OH and refused to sit in the same room as him but also insisted the windows were wide open when he was in a room regardless of how cold it was outside. Didn't help that he had no sense of smell - he thought I was making it all up.

I have no advice because although it's a lot better now when he does let go again it gets me down. Angry even.

I'm sorry, I guess this is more of a handhold.

It sucks.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 23/06/2018 19:50

So he prioritises fags over the health of his unborn child...nice! I'd give him an ultimatum, either the fags go or he does. There's no excuse for smoking as a parent (unless it's when you're away from your DC overnight or similar and won't smoke on the same day you're due to see them again).

pointythings · 23/06/2018 20:01

What's he going to do when the baby is here? Because you can't have him smoking in any space where the baby is going to be. Your furniture will be impregnated with second hand smoke. He needs to quit and you need to deep clean your house.

As for the weed, words fail - I'd leave him for that.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 23/06/2018 20:05

Yabu, he’s hasnt changed his vile habits because it’s what you both had become accustomed to, and done so together.

You can’t expect him to changed overnight just because you both are having an unplanned pregnancy.

YANBU to say to him however he has to choose between you both or his vile lifestyle!

Timeisslippingaway · 23/06/2018 20:07

So he smokes fags and weed in the house, around you while your pregnant? What will he do when the baby comes?

Metoodear · 23/06/2018 20:11

Sorry but weed is habit forming and when you meet him he smoked weed if we no anything about drug users it is they do t stop because their asked

Just because you had a unplanned pregnancy it’s unlikely he would just be able to stop even if he wanted

Bambamber · 23/06/2018 20:13

YABU you chose him. What's the point in having a family with someone on the basis they will change

CluedoAddict · 23/06/2018 20:16

Too late now to moan about his habits. You knew he was a drug user.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 23/06/2018 20:18

Ugh. You actually had sex with this grotesque creature!

FlockOfDogs · 23/06/2018 20:24

He sounds revolting.

LankinMcElf · 23/06/2018 20:28

He sounds lovely 🤢

adaline · 23/06/2018 20:30

Well, you picked him. Presumably he didn't start behaving this way overnight. I understand the pregnancy wasn't planned, but you presumably found him attractive enough to have sex with in the first place.

Lethaldrizzle · 23/06/2018 20:32

He farts because it hurts to keep them in?! That's not far off taking a dump because it hurts to keep it in. That's what bathrooms are for. Gross - but then at the risk of sounding sexist, blokes do love farting

Sammyham88 · 23/06/2018 20:34

I wouldn’t have got pregnant with a drug user. You’ve been very irresponsible.

Wow, that's some solid input there Adam, guess OP should go back in time and change things eh? Smoking a bit of weed is hardly enough to class someone as a drug user in the sense you're implying..

OP, is he smoking inside? I'd express your concerns to your parter and say how much it's effecting you and how it's even putting you off him, if he can't see your very reasonable side and cut down/ roll outside/ smoke outside/ give himself a spritz with air freshener after he's smoked and take his farts to the toilet then he's being BU and I'd kick up a fuss/ find a way to make him uncomfortable

Original poster

JammyGem · 23/06/2018 21:05

Thanks for the more helpful comments. I honestly see no issue with smoking a joint every now and then, just not when children are around (or are soon to be). And as I smoked up until 3 months ago that wasn't really an issue.

He doesn't smoke inside, but the fag smell sticks to him. Maybe it's the combination of my giving up and so noticing the smell more, plus being more sensitive to smells... and the weed just smells strong and as he keeps it in a cupboard in the kitchen I can always smell it when I go in there.

I've tried talking to him but he gets defensive and angry, saying he'll give up by the time the baby's born. Thing is, he promised to give up as soon as I was pregnant so I just don't trust he will. And the farting- well he just thinks it's funny and I'm overreacting...

OP posts:

Granolabear · 23/06/2018 21:08

I was looking up some probiotics on amazon the other day and people were raving about them cutting down gas and wind? Could you try to feed him those? What is it he is eating that’s making him so farty?

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