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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with DP

57 replies

Peonylover123 · 23/06/2018 15:26

To start with, DP is not an alcoholic, not alcohol dependent etc

My issue is my DP doesn’t seem to realise what amount of alcohol will put him over the legal limit. Every Friday after work he has 2 beers and drives home. He’s quite thin and doesn’t eat that much during the day except crisps and chocolate. He always says he’s fine and can even have a third if he eats something but these beers are consumed in under 2 hours usually.

Right now he’s been in a pub waiting for his car to be fixed. He’s on his third pint and all he’s had to eat is some bacon and sausages 4 hours ago. I am fuming.

I end up being a nag or told I’m coming controlling but I think he’s putting someone’s life at risk as well as his own. Plus any form of DUI will instantly mean he can’t do his job and will lose his right to do his job (discredit to the profession, integrity etc)

Any advice? Am I being OTT?

OP posts:
Wheelerdeeler · 23/06/2018 21:03

Now dh did this ONCE when we were dating. He was told if it ever happened again it would be the end of us.

He never did it again.

It's non negotiable

twattymctwatterson · 23/06/2018 22:51

@Kursk ANY issues?! Domestic Violence? CSA? Surely those should be reported to the police?

Kursk · 24/06/2018 00:30

ANY issues?! Domestic Violence? CSA? Surely those should be reported to the police?

I would handle them internally. If DH hit me, I would tell my family who would promptly educate him. We keep each other in line.

Rocinante1 · 24/06/2018 00:33

Ah, you sound like one of those families who belong on Jeremy Kyle. Yuck.

FrozenMargarita17 · 24/06/2018 00:34

^^ HmmHmmHmm

Raven88 · 24/06/2018 00:35

@Kursk so you wouldn't report someone for domestic violence? Just let move onto the next victim plus putting your family at risk of a criminal conviction.

Bobbiepin · 24/06/2018 00:35

If he believes he is able to have a couple of beers then drive home, he has a problem with alcohol. Even more so, if those beers are more important than abiding by the law and his own safety (not mentioning that of everyone else on the road) he has a problem.

Raven88 · 24/06/2018 00:41

yanbu. Your DH must know he is over the limit and it sounds like he doesn't care. I would be very angry if my DH drove after drinking and if he continued to do it I would hide his keys. I would probably end up leaving because I couldn't handle the fear of something happening.

AnotherOriginalUsername · 24/06/2018 00:49

What's his job?

With any luck the garage will have smelt alcohol on him when he picked the car up and will have intervened.

Kursk · 24/06/2018 01:23

Raven88

No they wouldn’t move on to another victim. Secondly with 3 police officers in the family no one would get a conviction.

It’s the back woods way, we look after each other

Rocinante1 · 24/06/2018 01:30

You've got to admire the police in that family. The type that think abusers and drunk drivers should not face an appearance in a public court. Makes you proud of our force... Or not

SusanneLinder · 24/06/2018 01:46

*No they wouldn’t move on to another victim. Secondly with 3 police officers in the family no one would get a conviction.

It’s the back woods way, we look after each
other*
And I used to have trust in the Police...

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 24/06/2018 01:50

Personally for me police and government have no place in the family environment. Any issues should be handled internally.

Ahh, the Dingle family code.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 24/06/2018 01:52

ANY issues?! Domestic Violence? CSA? Surely those should be reported to the police?

I would handle them internally. If DH hit me, I would tell my family who would promptly educate him. We keep each other in line.

I notice you didn’t respond to the child sex abuse part. Are you saying you wouldn’t report child abuse to the police?

Kursk · 24/06/2018 02:03

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo

Thanks, I didn’t understand that acronym at the time.

Kursk · 24/06/2018 02:04

Ahh, the Dingle family code.

Not Dingle, more back woods justice.

halfwitpicker · 24/06/2018 02:09

YANBU.

He sounds like a complete idiot.

alwaysiero · 24/06/2018 02:09

As someone who lost their mum because of a drink driver when I was two years old I can't even begin to describe my hatred for people who do it.

LockedOutOfMN · 24/06/2018 02:16

Agree with Handsfull13 's suggestion, Buy a home breathalyser kit.

Skittlesandbeer · 24/06/2018 03:09

I’d probably get an alcohol car interlock fitted, without his knowledge.

Don’t know if that is an option where you are. You have to ‘blow, in order to go’. Blow zero blood alcohol, that is. And then it prompts you to give breath tests as you drive (to stop you getting a sober person to start the car for you). So he’ll have to sit at the pub for hours with his lemonade, waiting out the beer as it gets processed by his body.

Six months of that should teach him what’s what.

slashlover · 24/06/2018 04:11

The rule I was taught that it wakes roughly 1 hour for each unit of alcohol to leave then body but that doesn't start until 20 minutes after the last drink is consumed.

www.confused.com/on-the-road/driving-law/drink-driving-what-you-need-to-know#

As a rule of thumb, two pints of regular-strength lager or two small glasses of wine would put you over the limit. But this isn’t a catch-all rule. Factors like your weight, sex, metabolism and how much you’ve eaten all contribute to how your body processes alcohol, so everyone has different limits.

So he's going to be over, although even one drink can impair his judgement.

slashlover · 24/06/2018 04:14

www.boots.com/alcosense-single-use-breathalyser-10216430#BVRRContainer

Boots do a single use one for £2. It's not going to be 100% accurate compared to the police one.

givemesteel · 24/06/2018 04:29

LTB - seriously. I wouldn't stay with someone who was that much of a dick.

Ring the garage and tell them he is at least 3 times the legal limit and to withhold the keys.

When he is eventually home hide the carkeys until he agrees to not do it again.

If he does I would call the police and tell them, then leave.

Agree with pp, he is an alcoholic if the need to drink puts him in dangerous, risky situations, which driving obviously is. That is one of the diagnostic criteria for an addiction.

Also agree that if you don't act you are complicit as you know what he's doing. Stop enabling him and start taking responsibility.

givemesteel · 24/06/2018 04:36

Also if you threaten to leave and that doesn't stop him that fulfils another diagnostic criteria for addiction, that he's putting alcohol above his relationships.

Graphista · 24/06/2018 04:56

Agree - you're enabling him.

And you're in denial yourself that he doesn't have an issue with alcohol - if it wasn't an issue why can't he not drink & drive? When not only is it dangerous, illegal etc - it's putting his own job at risk!

I'd be calling the garage to instruct them he's over the limit too.

I've a relative still suffering the effects of being hit by a drunk driver over 50 years later.

I've a friend who lost her baby at 8 months pregnant, is now disabled as is her mum after being hit by a drunk driver.

It's not the 70's, drivers KNOW the risks now.

Whole of uk should be same as here in Scotland - zero tolerance on this. We have effectively zero limit. That's the best way, NO alcohol at all.