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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this 'Austerity Day' is one of the most patronising things I've ever seen?

337 replies

NoHunsHereHun · 23/06/2018 13:59

St Paul's Girls school having to eat baked potatoes and fresh fruit for lunch. For a day. I mean FFS, there are SO many better ways to help. Volunteering at a food bank for one.
www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-44578499

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 25/06/2018 17:24

I think they were supposed to be eating like poor people, not like state school pupils.

Although I suspect some on this thread think they are one and the same.

Etymology23 · 25/06/2018 18:10

Badly planned charity events are always painful. I definitely find the sleeping out over night ones incredibly awkward, they seem to far removed from the actual experience so as to be absurd.

CarefullyDrawnMap · 25/06/2018 18:59

Also, they were tweeting about it, presumably wanting to show the 'good works' they do. They could just do things and keep quiet about them, not use them to get good publicity (backfired in this case).

topcat1980 · 26/06/2018 08:42

Ooooh so should we give all schools charitable status? I know lots of big state comprehensives that do all sorts of work in the community. From singing to the old folk at Christmas, donating tens of thousands to a wide range of charities, doing community work.

Strangely, they can't do that and have to pay all sorts of costs because they don't have the tax free status, like 80% on business rates, that normal schools still have to pay.

This was an awkward and stupid idea showing that money can't buy you intelligence ( although it can buy you the bits of paper that say you are).

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 26/06/2018 12:26

One final note from me, when i was truly skint i wouldnt have wasted money baking potatoes. Costs a bloody fortune.
They would have been tinned potatoes that cost approx 20p a tin. I actually do enjoy tinned potatoes. But still.
And would have been tinned fruit, not fresh.

FluctuatNecMergitur · 26/06/2018 12:49

My son's French state school menu (run by a socialist local authority) is as good as the SPGS one. Hey if you want it you have to fight for it people!

Thesearepearls · 26/06/2018 22:07

topcat1980

You are missing the point. SPGS is absolutely the ne plus ultra. Every bright girl in North London (who knows about the school) wants to go there. Those are not stupid girls. They are some of the brightest girls of our generation. For sure they are wealthy. But don't mistake them for stupid. i don't know what proportion of the girls from SPGS end up at Oxbridge. It's a massive proportion.

DS's private school is due to send around 6 kids to Oxbridge. 6 out of 120 in his year. I suspect that SPGS will be sending over 100. They can do this because they pick the brightest of bright kids out of the hundreds, possibly thousands of (admittedly wealthy) kids who apply.

These are the absolute elite of bright girls. Don't mistake them for thick. A significant number of them are troubled and have eating disorders but that probably goes with the territory (ie the trust fund).

You are making a mistake if you think they are thick. They have been labelled from an early age as our leaders for the next generation and they do not bear that burden lightly or easily. It's a huge burden of expectation to place upon a child.

BertrandRussell · 26/06/2018 22:15

You don't get into St Paul's without being very bright. But that doesn't mean that you also have social sensitivity and cultural awareness. Sadly.

Thesearepearls · 26/06/2018 22:29

Bertrand

It's not the kids' fault. This is some batshit stuff dreamt up by the head to try and get some form of inclusiveness going on

I mean how do you do inclusiveness with a SPGS kid, eh? How can you do properly inclusive when the kids are massively richer - think top 1% and probably more plus these kids are devilishly bright.

I do think that the poster down thread had it right. Make it compulsory for the kids to volunteer at a food bank, The kids are not heartless, the level of eating disorders and what have you will tell you that the kids are not heartless.

It's so important to find a way that these immensely privileged and astonishingly bright kids can remove themselves from the bubble that they are in and connect with the rest of us. We are too busy being disconnected.

Thesearepearls · 26/06/2018 22:32

Two of my friends send their kids there. You could not imagine a nicer and kindlier set of kids. It's just that it's a whole different world and so very difficult to describe.

BertrandRussell · 26/06/2018 22:34

Of course it's not the kids' fault.

goodbyestranger · 26/06/2018 23:04

To suggest that there's a causal link between trust funds and eating disorders is woefully ignorant.

I've known SPGS students throughout my life - uni, peers at work, DC of people I know and friends of my own DC from Oxford (as you say, lots of SPGS alumni there). Obviously the girls are pretty bright (some extremely bright) but the rapture in recent posts is a bit OTT!

About half the cohort gets to Oxbridge.

letstalk2000 · 26/06/2018 23:06

There we go 'mistaking' being academically bright with being bright !
Two completely different things , sadly some of the most academic brains in the UK tend to exist in some of the 'dumbest' people.

Thesearepearls · 26/06/2018 23:08

bit rude tbh old love

I was sticking up for the SPGS cohort if you hadn't noticed

They are not thick and they are wealthy. And SPGS has more than its fair share of eating disorder problems

letstalk2000 · 26/06/2018 23:09

Oxbridge has got to be the 'worst' place for a girl/boy from any privileged West London Private school to attend ! This being if the child concerned actually wanted to actually learn anything about life.

goodbyestranger · 26/06/2018 23:19

I've no idea if you're responding to me as 'old love' Thesearepearls but assuming you were:

a) yes you were indeed 'sticking up for SPGS students, but you were exceptionally OTT about their intelligence, different world etc. Vastly excessive.

b) you're making the wrong inference. The cause of an increased incidence of eating disorders at SPGS isn't parental wealth. The causes are far more complex and wealth doesn't enter into it, in causal terms. That's actually incredibly shallow and really quite insulting to those suffering from a genuine eating disorder.

Opopanax · 27/06/2018 00:08

These threads about SPGS are tiring. I suspect many private schools do something similar but it doesn't get picked up on and dissected in the way that SPGS gets analysed. There are so many utterly insane posts on these threads about how SPGS is so competitive (they are at pains to foster an attitude where girls do not compete with each other but strive to do the best they can on their own account), how everyone has an eating disorder (no, they really don't, speaking as a former Paulina and now a parent of a Paulina), how Paulinas know nothing of the real world (rubbish, have managed very nicely in the real world all my life - and I wasn't rich when I went there and am not rich now I am sending my child there), how Paulinas are so snooty that they are actually completely out of touch and totally unfriendly to anyone outside the magic circle (crap, crap and crap again - they are mostly quite thoughtful girls who have a good handle on life). It's all just bollocks. It's a very nice school, with quite outstanding pastoral care, and with genuinely intelligent and deep-thinking children - the academic side is second to none. The posts about bursaries are so off the mark they are laughable.

There's a reason why so many Paulinas are reluctant to reveal where they went to school and this thread epitomises it. If you ever do meet a woman who says she went to school in Hammersmith and offers no other details, she may well be a Paulina.

CarefullyDrawnMap · 27/06/2018 07:51

Yeah, everyone should just shut up about the stupid old inequality issues, really.

BertrandRussell · 27/06/2018 07:56

There appear to be a lot of old paulinas about......

user1499173618 · 27/06/2018 08:04

I have crossed the paths of lots of Paulinas, at work and socially. They are very culturally distinct - their social skills do not transfer well. That’s true of Etonians, too, of course, to take another example of how elite schools put their stamp on their pupils. Trying to work in a cross-cultural international team with a Paulina is a real headache!

Xenia · 27/06/2018 08:06

Opo, yes I was surprised by the thread. My daughter was at NLCS and I have never seen anything similar on MN. (And I am not an old paulina; just want to point out these nice academically bright girls do fine, know in most cases about the poverty of (some) others at home and abroad aren't all unhappy and slitting their wrists whilst weighing 6 stone and if you earn enough to send your daughter there it tends to be worth it. If you don't then fine too - there are plenty of good state schools around if you pick carefully.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 27/06/2018 08:08

Opopanax
Unless you and your DD had/have substantial bursaries then you are rich by most people’s standards. I pay more in school fees for my DC than the average wage in the UK. People with DC in private schools are on average significantly wealthier than the general population.

FluctuatNecMergitur · 27/06/2018 08:39

I was at Oxford with a girl from SPGS who was very clever, first, PHD, the lot. She didn't know the tube didn't go all over the country. Just saying.

Needmoresleep · 27/06/2018 08:54

I'm with user1499173618 here. The reason why we all seem to come across so many, is the odd tendency of Paulinas to announce themselves as such at the first opportunity. As if to assert their superiority. It can be a bit odd when a fifty year old, with a pretty ordinary part-time job, still needs to tell you where they went to school.

The arrogance of current Paulina's is noticeable. And parents do not help by assuming the same superiorty. I once had a SPS mum literally turn her back on me once she realised which school DD went to. Not only was it clear she felt I was not worth knowing, but her DS was then given pretty much a carte blanche to treat my 11 yo DD badly. I also had a couple of others tell me about other children, that they were not bright and should never have gained a place, and so on. Indeed we turned down an SPS place after meeting a SPJ mum whose son would be in the same year, and who could list each child's place in class. Seriously weird. Indeed one father, pleased as punch that his daughter had a place told me that "SPGS was simply a collection of the cleverest girls in London". He had forgotten to factor in the amount of tutoring his DD had had, so a year later was complaining they were worked far too hard and a year after that she was gone.

More telling was a coach at a holiday activitity, clearly having a problem with one girl, probing me about whether DD had problems. My reply was along the lines of "but she's a Paulina, what do you expect", before the coaches puzzlement reminded me that this was really not an explanation for some pretty entitled behaviour. Or the girl who quizzed me on my daughter's Intermediate Maths Challenge results. How could she have got a gold, where her school was not nearly as academic as Putney....and by implication some way behind SPGS. The arrogance was continuous and it was odd.

We knew a lot of girls who were happy there and emerged ready to take on the world. (And I think Stranger has it wrong on 50% Oxbridge. Most we knew headed off to Ivy.) But DD knows of five in her year group who did not make it through, three of whom were profoundly unhappy. It can be a tough environment.

DD switched location of her extra-curricular to SW London and suddenly found herself in a group dominated by girls from WHS and SHS. The contrast was significant. Much kinder and more supportive. At prep school there were girls who came across as natural Paulinas, and thrived once there, so to some extent the pupils determine the culture, but it really is distinctive, and not always pleasant.