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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Moving so soon

56 replies

Stardustmemories · 23/06/2018 08:11

Hi everyone,

I have a bit of a dilemma and I’m sure you guys will be able to give some good insight.

We (my partner and 2 boys) have just moved house about a month ago. Which was to a new area and meant a new school for my oldest.

A couple of days ago my partner was offered a job within in his company for quite a big pay rise, but it’s on one of the Scottish Islands. I would be a great opportunity for him career wise.

There isn’t really a question of him going. The job would be for a minimum of two years. It’s more a question of do we stay here or do we go with him?

If we hadn’t just moved it would be a no brainer and we’d go. But I just feel bad that we’ve recently uprooted my oldest and I’m not sure it’s fair to do it again.
On the other hand it’s not fair for them to not get to see their dad very much and might be quite fun to go live there for a while.

The boys are 6 and 2 (3 end of August)

So it’s not really an AIBU, more a WWYD. Hope that’s okay!

OP posts:

kikashi · 23/06/2018 09:08

Go - provided you love your DP and want to be with him. It'll be a good life experience for you all.

TurquoiseDress · 23/06/2018 09:08

I would go as a whole family rather than be living apart for 2 yrs plus.

The children are still very young and this could be an incredible opportunity for them to experience a new life/environment.

I would go for it!

SlowDown76mph · 23/06/2018 09:13

At ages 6 & 2 I'd say go for it. Children that young will take their cue from you. It will be a great experience.

BoomBoomsCousin · 23/06/2018 09:13

If the two year term is very likely to be renewed or if there is a good likelihood of getting further work in the area and the area appeals to you too then I’d probably go. But otherwise I’d stay put (and if I were your partner and didn’t need the job to keep the family afloat I’d probably turn it down). If you hadn’t just moved I think you could make it a two year “adventure”. Keep him in touch with friends from school and hopefully, in 2020 he can go back and be reunited with them with lots of tales about it. But he’s just been uprooted from his friends, he’d be going to a school where he’d know he wouldn’t be staying and then he’d return to his current school where he’d no no one. That’s unlikely to be a great childhood.

Moving schools is really hard on kids and lots of moves tends to lead to worse outcomes. Some families have to uproot their children frequently and they do the best they can, but if you don’t have to then it tends to be best not to.

BoomBoomsCousin · 23/06/2018 09:14

*know no one, not no no one.

Original poster

Stardustmemories · 23/06/2018 09:14

Actually quite surprised by the response. I was expecting some harsh comments about even thinking about moving 6 year old so soon again!
I have anxiety due to stuff from my childhood so I sometimes struggle to trust my judgement on things in fear of messing the boys up 🙈😂
So glad I posted now. Thank you!

OP posts:

user1497991628 · 23/06/2018 09:16

I wouldn’t go as I would hate to live on a Scottish island. My mother was from one, and I dislike the remoteness and sheer difficulty of doing anything off the island.

I would give it careful thought. I agree it would be better to go,all together if your partner goes, but it will be a whole different kettle of fish (probably literally 😀) even than life in the Borders. Definitely not an idyll.

TwitterQueen1 · 23/06/2018 09:16

I thought you were going to say your boys were teenagers... No question - go! At 6 your eldest will just take it all in his stride as a big adventure if you handle it appropriately.

Oldraver · 23/06/2018 09:17

As your eldest is quite young then yes I would go. I've known Forces kid move a lot in Primary and they do seem to settle in quickly

Chewbecca · 23/06/2018 09:19

At that age, yes, I would go. I think the benefits of being with their Dad outweigh the disadvantages of moving schools at this point.

sexnotgender · 23/06/2018 09:22

Definitely go, I'd love to live on an island!

Also 2 years would be a long time to be away from your children, especially the young, they grow so fast at that age.

WingsOnMyBoots · 23/06/2018 09:24

I would go.

Lunarsey · 23/06/2018 09:28

My children are teens now but when they were younger we moved to a seaside location for 2 years. We knew the job was fixed term but the opportunity was so good we decided to go for it. We were open about needing to move back in the future with the children from the start.

They loved it and speak about that time often. Children are more resilient than we think.

HyggeHeart · 23/06/2018 09:28

At this age family and seeing their Dad trumps the disruption from making new friends etc. And when you move back to your current place at least it won't be to totally unfamiliar territory. I would go and enjoy the adventure!

juneau · 23/06/2018 09:29

Go as a family - definitely. Your DC are so young that schooling and friends and exams aren't a big issue. Your 2-year-old won't have an opinion and your 6-year-old will soon adapt and I'm sure s/he would much rather live with dad than not. Rent out your house and go. I'd love to visit Orkney!

Churrolicious · 23/06/2018 09:29

Orkney with a 6 and a 2 year old sounds incredible. And if you're not selling your house in the Borders you can always move back if it does end after two years...

disappearingninepatch · 23/06/2018 09:30

I agree with pps. Two years is a long time for such young children. I'd move.

MilkGoatee · 23/06/2018 09:37

I'd go to Orkney like a shot. Schools are fantastic there, really good inspections. Close community, of course, a bit too close for a lot of people's liking. Difficulties may arise if you go live in a new build estate where you have no settled neighbours, but otherwise it shouldn't be a problem.

Personally, I wouldn't choose Kirkwall, but look at smaller places like Orphir, or even go to Stromness (only 30 mins from Kirkwall anyway). Stromness has really improved with ERDF funding, it's picturesque.

Original poster

Stardustmemories · 23/06/2018 10:03

Milkgoatee I can't drive. It was something I was looking at doing once youngest started nursery and I have time to do it. So it would need to be somewhere close to the amenities.
Just wondering why you'd avoid Kirkwall?

OP posts:

ShowOfHands · 23/06/2018 10:07

Oh God you're describing my dream.

Go. Go now. Run. What a lovely thing to experience.

MilkGoatee · 23/06/2018 10:18

Oh, that's a pity! Well, Kirkwall centre is a bit of a said affair, I would say, though some nice bits on Broad Street (like the Cathedral, and the Strynd Tearoom on the Strynd, my all time favourite). The new built areas around it are fine, though, the bit up at Watersfield is very nice, mixture of social and private developed housing, higher up (still only 10 minutes or less from the centre). The area around Pickaquoy isn't bad either, but a bit more samey, but close to all three: Tesco, Lidle and Co-op, take your pick. Still 10 minutes walk from the town centre, and a primary school on your doorstep.

Main thing is, Orcadians are probably the most welcoming folks you might find. I'm sure it can be a bit different if you're a resident v me being a visitor (13 weeks per year, for 3 years), but I've found people very easy to get on with.

ChatNicknameAlreadyInUse · 23/06/2018 10:21

Fellow Borders person here and I would go in a heartbeat!

MilkGoatee · 23/06/2018 10:21

And of course Pickaquoy has the Pickie Centre, which is a fabulous leisure facility, with a pool which has a moving floor so it can be brought to olympic depth. Squash, fitness, the works.

ichifanny · 23/06/2018 10:23

I’d do it they are still tiny the island life would be amazing for small kids .

Original poster

Stardustmemories · 23/06/2018 10:56

Milkgoatee that's all very helpful to know. Although I was looking for places to rent and it seems like slim pickings tbh. Just out of curiosity to how much it would cost us.

OP posts:

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