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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To write an email to the school about dd and choir?

45 replies

Jorah · 22/06/2018 22:20

Dd (year 10) is in the choir at her school. It's an independent school and they take the choir very seriously. She has recently been ill and missed ten days of school so four rehearsals for the end of year concert. She went today and all was well, she knows the pieces as they've been singing them all year. The music director has just sent an email saying she isn't allowed to sing at the e d of term concert as she's missed some rehearsals. Dd is in bits

I'm not an "emailer" and I'm usually happy for the school to do whatever it thinks is right in most situations. But dd loves the choir and is really committed to it. She swears there is nothing new and she's sung these pieces all year.

Shall I email? If so can you help me with what to write as I'm hopeless at confrontation

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MrStarkIDontFeelSoGood · 22/06/2018 22:25

Having been in a number of choirs I can tell you this is fairly standard. And they were hobby choirs. I took some time off but said I hoped to come back for Christmas events and was told I hadn’t attended enough rehearsals.

Whether or not this is fair at school age is debatable but it’s standard practice

Greendayz · 22/06/2018 22:26

I'd email if your DD is happy for you to do so. I wouldn't completely try to challenge his decision, just to tell him that DD feels she does know the music well and would very much like to sing if he'd be willing to reconsider it.

He may be operating a blanket rule stopping anyone who's missed more than a certain number from singing and feel it's a problem to make an exception.

I have a Y10 DD too and might also consider whether to help her write the email herself, though I'd still step in if she wanted me to at that age.

Don't email the teacher without DD's approval. I did that once when my DD was really upset about something and she never forgave me

TeenTimesTwo · 22/06/2018 22:28

Dear X,
I am writing to ask you to reconsider your decision for DD not to be allowed to participate in the end of year concert. I realise she missed 4 rehearsals between datesA-B, however you may not be aware this was because she was off school ill during those dates so her absence was unavoidable.
DD is very disappointed, and says she knows the pieces well. As you will be aware she is a committed member of the choir, having been attending since year Q.
I do hope it is possible for you to find a way to let her participate as this means a lot to her
Regards

MissMarplesKnitting · 22/06/2018 22:29

Every choir I've been in you have to attend a certain percentage big rehearsal or you cannot sing in the recital.

It's fairly normal. Annoying, but standard.

AmazingPostVoices · 22/06/2018 22:29

I’d email very politely asking them to reconsider as DD’s absence was due to illness not lack of commitment to the choir.

If they say no, there’s not too much you can do but it’s worth asking politely.

Original poster

Jorah · 22/06/2018 22:30

That's a good email thank you. I would normally encourage dd to write herself but she wants me to. I think the director of music is quite scary.

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Fuckwithnosensesauce · 22/06/2018 22:30

10 days off school is just long enough for a 2 week holiday. That may be what they are thinking!

Original poster

Jorah · 22/06/2018 22:32

Yes I can understand not wanting people who have missed lots. It seems unfair if it was only 3 rehearsals due to illness. I've told dd it really doesn't matter (she loves me coming to listen to her sing in church) but she's beside herself. Thank you.

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Original poster

Jorah · 22/06/2018 22:34

"10 days off school is just long enough for a 2 week holiday. That may be what they are thinking!"*

No they know she was ill. She had a week off, went back and had a relapse so had another three days off (after being back at school for a week iyswim)

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CherriesAndLemonade · 22/06/2018 22:39

That's rotten as wasn't her fault. I'd prob write a gentle email saying that you understand that she's missed them but would he/she reconsider as yr dd was upset at missing rehearsals but obv couldn't attend for xxx sickness. That she loves singing in the choir and she's devastated at not being at the end of year concert. Also that she's confident that she knows all the songs they will be performing. Something maybe about taking her previous exemplary attendance at choir into account? I would make sure I put "your choir" in that so as to butter them up a bit and acknowledge their authority. Obviously jiggle it a bit or see if any other MNers come up with something better? Good luck. Really hope she gets to sing.

roisin · 22/06/2018 22:41

In the run-up to a concert, the rehearsals are not about the notes, or the words, that your dd knows. It's about the interpretation, the dynamics, the mood, the tempo, the endings, maybe even which people are singing which bits.

If your dd is fortunate enough to be in a good choir, she needs to understand the commitment required.

PurpleCrowbar · 22/06/2018 22:46

Given she is year 10, it would honestly come much better from your dd.

She should explain that she missed rehearsals unavoidably due to illness, but she's been practising hard, knows the pieces & would really like to be included.

IME teachers organising this sort of thing are far more impressed by a communication from the student concerned, than from a parent fighting their corner.

Original poster

Jorah · 22/06/2018 22:46

She does understand and she's not expecting to change his.mknd but I think she feels that it's not quite fair as she's been ill. The email she got has been sent to about 20 girls and she knows some have just skived rehearsals for weeks, so she's feeling hard done by!!

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MaisyPops · 22/06/2018 22:47

roisin
I agree.
It sucks, but that's part of being in excellent high level choirs. It's why they are better than your average school choir.

Perhaps a brief email expressing disappointment and ask if she was to copy all notes from someone's score (I'm guessing if they're anything like my childhood choir itnwas the norm to annotate the score in pencil) and remain in final rehearsals, could there be room to reconsider.

If not, that's just life unfortunately.

Original poster

Jorah · 22/06/2018 22:50

She's emailed him herself!!

Thank you for the support and I'll let you know what happens!

Good job I checked before I sent the email from me

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Original poster

Jorah · 22/06/2018 22:52

Yes it's a really good choir and he's extremely strict so we're not expecting much.

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smithsinarazz · 22/06/2018 22:55

I've been in choirs since I was 15 and I can't imagine a person being told they can't come to the concert after being ill, unless they really, really didn't know the music and were showing the choir up. Actually, I've bloody sight-read in performance more than once.

IMHO, being in a choir shouldn't just teach you how to put on a perfect performance of something you've been practising for a term - it should teach you to be fleet-footed, resourceful and adaptable, and musically adept - in other words, it should teach you to wing it.

I am actually really quite aggrieved on your daughter's behalf, unless she turned up to the rehearsal and was crap, in which case the choir leader might have a point.

Original poster

Jorah · 22/06/2018 22:57

unless she turned up to the rehearsal and was crap, in which case the choir leader might have a point now that I don't know!! She definitely isn't one of the "stars" but she got in in the first place (lots didn't) and she's grade 7 singing.

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Muchtoomuchtodo · 22/06/2018 22:58

Good work op.

Keep us posted, I hope she's better and gets the desired outcome.

Greendayz · 22/06/2018 22:59

Well done to your DD! It's obviously an email she was struggling with whether she could manage on her own, but she has done. That's a really useful life skill, whether the verdict.

Original poster

Jorah · 22/06/2018 23:02

Yes I'm really pleased she's written it. I'm resisting the urge to ask to see what's she written.

The email he's sent sounds really exasperated so he's clearly got end of term stress!!

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Floralnomad · 22/06/2018 23:02

Is there a chance that the music director doesn’t know that she’s been off sick and not just skipping rehearsals , it does seem very unfair that she’s being lumped in with people who just can’t be bothered to turn up .

Original poster

Jorah · 22/06/2018 23:04

Yes definitely a chance he doesn't know that. Dd should have let him know she realises but I think she assumed it would be on some sort of list somewhere or her tutor would have let him know.

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gillybeanz · 22/06/2018 23:10

I can see both sides to this. It's a good school choir but obviously not outstanding when you look at the professional children's choirs
If you miss more than 3 of these you can't join in, but they are in top venues with professional leading orchestras and famous conductors. They are stage managed and the final rehearsals intense with lots of direction and changes, sometimes last minute to what they have previously been told.

There is no reason why a normal school can't accommodate children who have missed a few rehearsals, especially as they have been practising all year. The 3 missed rehearsal and out usually applies to choirs with a quick turn around of repertoire, because there's limited time to learn the pieces.

Original poster

Jorah · 22/06/2018 23:13

I think that's what he is doing gillybeanz

It's a very serious part of the school.

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