Should I ditch my friend?

[dadshere]

I have a very good friend, who has recently joined my worplace. My DH cannot stand her. I know she cheats on her DH and she has suggested that we go out for a few drinks and 'pick up some guys'. With me, she is fun, generous and intelligent and excellent company. Her other side, I have seen is not so nice. She has stabbed other mutual friends in the back at work and trash talks about them after a few drinks. My dh thinks I should distance myself as she is 'bad news', but I really enjoy unwinding with her?

Cheats as in how? Flirt, snog or more.......who told you she is a cheat?

If she is such a good friend you could stick to not going out with her to party

I tend to agree with DH. Why on earth would she suggest that you both go out and "pick up some guys"?

Should I ditch my friend? Yes. Obviously.

If she's actively encouraging you to "pick up guys" and has form for stabbing "friends" in the back I'd get rid asap.

Encouraging you to pick up guys shows she has no respect for your partner or your marriage.

Sounds like she likes seducing people and getting kicks from the ego boost - with men and with friends.

It will only be a matter of time before you are trashed too.

She has been very supportive of me when we had some marriage trouble, and I know that her and her DH are arguing a lot, but she is actually my only friend, I haven't been able to make many since moving here.
I appreciate all of the advice above, thanks.

Quietly phase her out

Wanting to go out and pick up guys when married is not a friend.

Does your DH know she supported you when you had marriage troubles? That could contribute to him being against her. She doesn’t sound like a nice person tbh, and if she stabs friends in the back I’d be very wary.

No, dh doesn't know about her helping me, only that we are friends. He has warned me that she will do to me as she has to others, but if I shut her out I literally have nobody

You have your husband, I’d say he has your best interests at heart and you should listen to him.

Also you may find if you aren’t as chummy with her other people will be more likely to be friends with you.

Or just tell her straight you don’t agree with the cheating and you won’t be enabling it - so no nights out and see if she still wants to be friends

She has been very supportive of me when we had some marriage trouble

I bet.

Supportive when you and dh were having problems, or revelling in the drama? She sounds like someone who enjoys drama.

Don't ditch a friend on DH's say so
Make up your own mind

Probably supportive when you had troubles as felt it was a good time to shag your DH.

Maybe she has tried it on with him and that's why he doesn't like her.

I'd distance yourself from her. I'd rather just have DH than vile people who encourage me to be vile like them.

*She has been very supportive of me when we had some marriage trouble

I bet.*

^^ this

She is bad news

I think you should focus on making new friends. It's always nicer to have a few and then you won't have to feel like she's your only option, especially if she has form for stabbing friends in the back. I would not mix friendship groups with her either as that could be a recipe for disaster. Are there any groups or anything you could join? Something hobby based or a running club or something?

If she trash talks others to you, you can be sure she is trash talking you to others.

She may well be a hindrance to you finding new friends too. If people know she’s a backstabbing biatch they might tar you with the same brush.
I feel for you. It can be hard making friends - don’t let her scupper your chances.

Tbh she sounds dreadful. You are keen to hang on to her as she is your only friend, but you have set the standard very very low and I can see this friend turning on you.
I really think you should ditch her and get new friends with a higher moral compass. Take up a hobby that involves meeting like minded people, volunteer, join a ladies only gym, there are loads of ways to meet people and build friendships.

Thank-you for the advice, I need to really think about this, one of the problems is that since I was promoted, all of the people around me are male, and all of the other women work under me, I seriously have tried to make other friends but don't seem to be very good at it. I think the advice about joining a group or gym is something I need to do. Thanks

A woman who cheats and encourages you to cheat is not a friend to your marriage.
If she can hurt other ‘friends’ she would and could hurt you too.
Don’t trust her.
I’m talking from experience

Joining some things, like gym, that you are interested in, is a good way to make new friends, and when you make some new friends, you won’t need this one, and will be able to reduce the amount of time you spend with her.

Also, if she is really a friend, you ought to be able to be honest with her - not unkind, but clear - that you don’t like the fact she is emotionally unfaithful to her dh, and wants you to do the same, and that she stabs people in the back. If you can’t be honest with her, is she really a friend?