Mums with depression

[Housequeen101]

Not a “AIBU” posting for traffic.

I think I need to go back on my anti depressants, would like your opinions please.

I had a baby 5 months ago, thought I was doing okay. I had postnatal depression with my first and it was left undiagnosed for 8 months, was a horrible time.

I hate myself, I’m over weight, can’t look at myself in the mirror, I question every decision I make, I have no energy and I just can’t be bothered with simple things like house work.

I see mums post things on social media about how their kids are up having cuddles at 9, that their bedtimes at 9. My kids go to bed at 7, I couldn’t manage without an evening to myself, why can’t I be like these mums that spend every waking minute with their kids? My kids are wonderful. My 5 month old cried tonight after I put her to bed and I left her to cry for 8 minutes, I feel like complete shit for doing this but I needed a break. Is it normal to feel like this? I kind of feel like the walls are closing in. I have the most amazing children and they deserve so much better than me. My youngest child has a very severe allergy amongst other things, so I had to give up breast feeding and I feel like we’ve missed out on the close ness. She’s happy to go to anyone, shouldn’t I be her “favourite” my friends kids won’t go to anyone else. I feel like a complete failure.

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to vent without judgement.

Housequeen my ds was and still is very much a go to anyone kind of child. My mil used to gloat about it also which I always found difficult.
The way I try to see it now is that he must be secure, as he can comfortably go with another adult he knows well, and must know I’m coming back for him.

Postnatal depression is horrible, seeing the negative in everything , and if you feel as if you are slipping back into this, then see the gp and have a think about counselling/going back on meds.

for you motherhood is hard

My 11 month old goes to bed at 7. I personally think it's the best thing for them. I also stopped breastfeeding at 5 weeks. My little boy is happy to go to anyone, but deep down I know he loves me. It doesn't change that. You're doing an amazing job. Trust me. Your baby missed out on nothing by stopping breastfeeding, isn't missing out on anything by going to bed at 7 and is only building social skills by being happy to go to to other people. One of my friends has a 16MO that's has never left her side and she is desperate for a break. We have the good end of the deal. ❤️ in regards to the other things, not being able to look in the mirror etc I do think it would help for you to speak to someone. You deserve to be happy, and to be content with your parenting choices, and with what you see looking back at you. Speak to your GP, x

Childten who have a secure attatcent to their primary carer are usually happy to spend times with others, it’s a good sign.

Personally, the idea of spending every waking night moment with my child sounds like hell.

Go to your GP for help.

I have five children, and each one was different re bedtime, clinginess, affinity with other people and so on.
Perhaps make a GP appointment to see if you need some help with antidepressants or similar.
That said, I have always put my children to bed asap and that was "it" they were in their own bed, and expected to stay there, with minimal input from me, from as early an age as possible.
Do NOT beat yourself up, do what works for you, you and your child are not the same as anyone else. Find your own way, you obviously care or you wouldn't be posting! Every child is different, and you are doing your very best, so cut yourself some slack!

First of all, I breastfed my ds3 until he was 4, and he went to anyone!!!! I didn’t feed my ds 1 at all and he was so clingy! I’m all kids are different .

I’m sorry you’re having a shit time. Will you please go and see your Gp? They are there to help xx

I adore my daughter but come 6pm I'm ready for silence.
I had PND which manifested as anxiety and intrusive thoughts. The anti-Ds really helped, don't hesitate to use them. I think I ended up with PND partly because I was so exacting and punishing towards myself. Perfectionist if you like. It's ok to be "good enough"
Maybe avoid those social medias which make you feel bad.
You defo need to get some time for you to do something for yourself what do you enjoy?

Chickenme I can sympathise with the intrusive thoughts, I’m always worrying something terrible will happen to my kids. I don’t really know I like to do, which sounds ridiculous. I enjoy watching TV series with my husband, but anything that involves leaving the kids makes me so anxious that it’s not worth going out. When my baby is older I think I’d like to train in something, I used to work in finance and procurement but haven’t practiced in awhile.

I’ve looked at nurseries for my older child as my husband thinks it would be good to get her use to a school in Environment in preparation for school but I don’t want her to go, she gets upset everytime we discuss it (I’m careful, I always talk about nursery in a positive light) I have attachment issues, I want them with me all the time

I will make a GP appointment next week.

Thank you all for your responses and kind words