Ex disrespecting me in front of DC

[AnyLondoner]

So it’s bedtime, they’re all sitting on the sofa TV. DD,DS and stbexh. DD fell asleep, so took her to the bedroom. Came back and said to DS, “it’s time for bed”, DS goes “ but I’m not tired”, then fucking stbexh says” just let him watch some more tv, it’s Friday give him 10 mins”. That just made me angry because he doesn’t help with kids or the house, and suddenly wants to get involved when I’ve already told DS it’s time for bed, felt like it just made me look like an idiot. Anyway came back 10 mins later, and said to DS it’s time for bed. DS clings to stbexh, and kept saying “ I’m not tired” 3-4 times. And stbexh just sat there with this smirk on his face, didn’t say anything and just watched the child cling to him. He then goes on to say that DS doesn’t respect me and he only listens to him etc, and DS just looked at him.

I just couldn’t take it anymore and went into my bedroom. I’m in tears now, he always disrespects and belittles me in front of the children. I can’t wait til he’s gone, I feel like my relationship with my children will be so much better and closer without him here.

I’ve always felt like DS preferred stbexh, he only plays with him for 10 mins, and that’s that. I do everything else for DS

Why is the plonker even in your house to begin with? Boot his ass back to his own place and he can have contact there. Your lives are no longer entwined and you don't have to put up with jack

My phone didn't load it properly, why are you still living together?

So I guess stbexh will be putting DS to bed then?

Why is your ex in your house?
In your shoes I'd stop that immediately- he's your ex for a reason, it's no longer part of your relationship to feed him, have him in your home or entertain him.

Just awful... It sounds like there's no chance of you being able to reason with him over this. Can you get him out of the house ASAP?

Agreed. Why is this piece of work in your house?

Why is he in your house?

If you have to live together for any reason - go out one night a weekend. Sit in a pub with a book if necessary.

If you don’t live together tell him he needs to ensure he has an adequate place to entertain/house the children on his nights.

He's moving out soon. Everything's great when he's not at home, DS listens to me and we get along great. It's just that when stbexh is home, DS won't listen to me and I tell DS to do something, he will look at stbexh to try and see if he can get away with it.

I feel like stbexh encourages DS to not listen to me, when he's sitting there smirking and not saying anything. It's like his silence is a sign of approval for DS to misbehave.

Yep.. children are so smart and when they know they can okay the parents off against each other they'll exploit it to the max. Your STBXH sounds like he has no respect for you and is enjoying the little ego trip of the children siding with him. In your shoes id just grit my teeth and get through the next period until he's out the house with the least amount of drama. If possible try not to be there at the same time as him, even if you need to just hide out somewhere to avoid him.

• play not okay

How can he say that DS only listens to him? If you tell a child what they want to hear they'd probably follow you over a cliff edge

@lulu12345 yeah that's what I was thinking aswell, just wait for him to move out.

It's just so hard to live with him, but hopefully there's light at the end of the tunnel

I was thinking about having a chat with DS tomorrow morning about his behaviour today, without stbexh in the house. Or should I just leave it?

Yeah I think good idea to try and have chat with your DC. He might be too young to understand and remember but sometimes they surprise us. Certainly no harm done. Thinking ahead, you might end up with a longer term problem here where STBXH disrespects you after he’s moved out the house ie by criticising you or undermining you with the children when he has them. I’m no expert in how to deal with that but would think better to let the children know from the start that it’s not allowed for them to try and play the two of you off against each other. And if you can, continue to take the moral high ground that you are by not doing the same back.