Doing stuff is such a faff, isn't it? Or am I missing something.

[RantyMare]

I mean, I always end up lugging so much stuff about and It's so involved!

I am speaking about generally, but an example is, me and DP went to a party at an old friend's last night (friend had won a competition to have entertainment and was putting on a local band).

So we're to be there early evening. It's warm here yesterday so I am wearing a maxi dress. It isn't going to be warm later so that's a change of clothes to take. I couldn't face an hour's drive there in warmer clothes. We're staying over at a different friend's who's also attending the party, so I need another change of clothes as well as other 'staying over' stuff like make up and wash bags, toothbrush, hairbrush etc etc. All goes in a holdall.

We're trying to save money so don't want to eat out while away. I pack us some lunch, I don't know if the host friend is providing food and don't want to ask as it seems a bit CF.

So we're driving there and stop off at the supermarket. Get some flowers for the host (I would buy wine but given It's a party Id worry someone else would drink it). Also buy myself some prosecco and DP some beers. More stuff.

As we're staying a different friends (and will be drinking) I wonder if we should put the car there and get a taxi to party or drive to party and get a taxi back to friends and then have to go back to collect car in morning. If we dump car where we're staying It's paying for a taxi whereas we could walk to the car following morning if we put it at the party.

All such a faff! And lots of bags and 'Stuff' to lug about. But I never hear anyone else talk about things like this. In my head, other people would just arrive at their destination breezily in the correct clothes with everything they need and its all effortless...

It was a lovely fun gathering though. It's not a complaint, just wondered if I am doing something wrong or if anyone else ever feels like this!

MadeleineMaxwell that’s so funny 🤣

Pp says 20 toys?!

Mental load innit doe?
(Sorry, the plumber's been round. Sarf Lunnun, the words that aren't innit are doe.)
As in, drop it or go mental.

Pp says 20 toys?!

We were meeting friends (and somehow we all bring toys for all the babies, in case no one else does and god forbid they have to share), and sometimes my kid likes the Lamaze leopard, other times she's a bit indifferent to that but quite likes her rattle, but if I bring her a rattle I better bring another rattle for another kid, and then something to clip onto the pram, and then the thing she was playing with when we needed to leave the house which she refused to put down... You get the idea.

Of course when we got to the park she mainly ate leaves and played with my sandal.

I’ve found my people!
The faffing is a royal pain in the arse!

I had to go to the shop earlier because we ran out of milk. This involved

• Getting twins into suitable clothing and shoes, change two nappies
• wrestling the double buggy into the front garden (can’t open it in the hall, too wide)
• load in screaming, wriggling, grumpy twins
• realise one twin has done a giant poo - take him out and change him again. Get shoes back on
• Pack giant nappy bag (nappies, wipes, drinks, snacks - it’s a 15 minute round trip but I go nowhere without breadsticks these days)
• find handbag and realise a child has hidden my keys. Oh, and my shoes

It literally took me 30 mins just to get out the door. I’d kill to only have to pack for myself every time I leave the house.

Oh, I agree. Holidays can be a bit like that as well - so much organising, so much packing (and I am a light packer), getting there, spending too much money... life is easier when you can just stay at Home!!!

Oh god I agree! Which is partly why I go out leas now I can’t be bothered.

However! It is all bloody easier without children, and it is also easier if you have your own car! So I’m grateful for that at least (years of doing all the above but in London public transport).

Do also agree about just throwing in a jacket over the maxi dress though.

Soo much stuff to remember to take anywere phone keys Tampax phone charger make up deodorant money cards mirror brush spare bags paper and pen plasters medicine purell

Yeah I can't cope with this either. I can't seem to do one simple thing without having to go to Tesco to pick up a load of stuff (pre made formula etc) trip to the dump because our bin didn't get emptied this week, stop at the chemist to lift a script etc. Argh it is never ending.

I’m a major faffer too, to go for a swim and shower after exercise at the gym takes two (large) bags. I have a friend who goes overnight with a handbag, it fills me with twitching horrors. I take so much shit everywhere and faff. I need to be prepared !
As a young one I was much more casual an non faffy.

Nancy weather definitely has its faff factor! In a warm country, clothes you wear that cover the essentials, cardigan/jacket for later, job done!

Jelly Tammy girlfriend dont have my own,DPs are all now grown up but were teenage age when we met, so I can only imagine how much more of a faff having them to deal with as children is!

Sunny That's the exact type of situation I am talking of. I find it really annoying! Of course It's a 'first world problem' but sometimes it seems ridiculous.

YayImaLlama yes again, that's the sort of thing I mean.
'Right I'll go do this.But then, to do it I have to do this.And that means doing that.And that means I might as well do tha..Ah sod it'...

Kiss it was a lovely night, I really shouldn't complain.

Margaret I didnt think you sounded unkind don't worry.However the rest of my life really isnt easy at all, I have a lot of really stressful situations at the moment-maybe you have a point by means of because of that, I expect 'fun' things to be the opposite and involve no effort, to counteract it!And that just isn't the case

nosquirrels nope I never beleive anyone who says things like that. My Mother is the elite with it 'Do it like I do, only takes ten minutes!' does it feck

Essential

Diddl I am SURE I had those days once.

To all those saying a cardigan would suffice, nope. my change of clothes consisted of thick tights with boots and socks, skirt, two tops layered, a jumper, a jacket and I was still cold outside later on. NW England for you. I would have perished in a maxi and cardigan I am sure!

Good tips maybe , thank you!

Lighthouse can you imagine if we all did that.
'Sorry I can't come to your wedding/engagement/birthday/general do. It's too much faff. Thanks, though'.

dressinggown I do need to learn to travel lighter and have an already packed 'overnight bag'. We moved away from a lot of our friends so, this type of thing is quite a regular occurence. I always use an electric toothbrush but I could cope with having a 'normal' one for a night or too. It was so hot here yesterday though, I'd have sweltered all day in order to not freeze at night.

AntiBi you are probably right in many cases from what I've seen of other's situations. However I'm gay,so not in this one.

tammy thank you for that,lots of sympathy!All relative I guess.

Notcontent yes, am I a curmudgeon? Will it come to a point such as 'No point going anywhere you only have to come back again!'?

I used to be very 'breezy' when I was younger. I say 'younger' - in early thirties now but my energy levels and stamina for everything have changed with chronic illness in the past few years. I used to be able to lug around everything under the sun (club clothes for goth festivals etc). Go to a different city for a gig or even a club night. Was never much of a drinker or partier, just liked dancing and socializing, never tired or felt like I was dragging half the world with me.

Now with health problems and overall tiredness it's really difficult. Plus sometimes just can't be bothered! I enjoy picking out outfits for every day because I like clothes, but it's rare I will change for a house party or something now (unless I am hosting or it's fancy). I used to overload on weekend events too when I was working full time.

One memorable weekend I was meant to go to London for a friend's house moving party. That was a two hour journey and then some with Tube etc. Original plan was going on the train Sat morning. Then we found out our mate's band was playing a London venue on the Fri night and said 'hey, why not?' So instead we got the coach straight from work having packed a bag on Thurs night. Got into London Fri evening and got pizza. Met band at a pub. Turned out they weren't on til midnight. Hung around with them for hours and went to UCL because their friends' art degree show was on. Went to venue late, saw band and a couple of others play. At 2AM exhausted. We had agreed to stay at mate's house but he had a house share and we just wanted a proper bed. So we booked a last minute Premier Inn! Shower in the morning and brunch somewhere. Shopped in Oxford St. Went to friend's party. Stayed over. Got half train half rail replacement back home on Sun. Back really late. Work on Monday, wrangled a half day on Tues, we had a trip to Paris planned on the Wednesday! Had my hair done Tue afternoon. First thing that morning grabbed train and Eurostar. Probably the most ridiculous long weekend ever. Now just thinking about it makes me want to binge watch Netflix. I also definitely don't triple book events over a weekend, one event is my limit! One a week preferable. Actually I just want to sleep.

Plus I always carry a bag with me but it gets smaller and smaller over the years. I don't like big cumbersome bags. I have a little backpack thing and fit everything I need. I want hands free. I like my winter coats but I also love mild weather because it means I don't have to wear something heavy or carry extra layers or feel weighed down. I hate feeling like I need ten million items in order to leave the house.

If the rest of your life is stressful that explains why anything extra is just a pain, not enough time to actually relax and have time to look forwards to the treats (trip to your friends).

However the rest of my life really isnt easy at all, I have a lot of really stressful situations at the moment-maybe you have a point by means of because of that, I expect 'fun' things to be the opposite and involve no effort, to counteract it!And that just isn't the case

Ah, I get that, and I'm sorry you feel that way. When you're feeling generally overwhelmed it can easily get to a point where absolutely everything feels like a mountain to climb even if it's an objectively small task (I get that with work sometimes). Take care and keep an eye on yourself - you might just be a bit rundown, depending on how bad things are, but for me I've learned that 'everything feels a bit much' feeling is one of the first signs of depression.

The fuff multiplies with kids, especially when they are 6 and under.
But I found some ways to counteract the fuffing a) get your Significant Other to do half the jobs. Get his packing in order and do the kids on alternate trips. If it’s his friends’ party, it’s his job to short put thank-you bits.
B) have a small toiletries bag (like the airline freebies one) ready at all times, I throw samples in there and a travel toothbrush.

C) if it’s the kind of party or you can afford, send flowers/present to arrrive the day or so before, (plenty of vouchers around, it takes 2 mins online and you don’t have to waste a trip to supermarket and wait in the queue.)
D) keep a jacket in the car. I have an old leather one that goes with everything.

It’s a mindset thing

To me, things like get togethers are what life’s about so I’d put up with extreme amounts of faff!

Katzen I felt absolutely knackered just reading that! But , although not to that extreme, in my college days I did similar. Worked three jobs, partied, buses here there and everywhere. There were more hours in the days then because rest wasn't a thing!

biggreen margaret you're both right I think. Not the thread for it but think family members with MH issues,constant worry about them and travelling to visit them and take to appointments etc coupled with longer working hours (thankfully temporary),so yes maybe what would have been a joyful road trip otherwise feels like a chore. The party was great though, it is important to make time for leisure and relaxing with friends no matter what.

Note taken to look at things more positively!

I still hate faffing though.

I agree sunny. It was definitely worth it :)

going out is hideous. the reward is not grapes enough for me.

Fuck yeah. Totally agree and glad you have posted, because you're right, no one really talks about it. I swear every time i get home from anywhere i have to do about 3 trips lugging crap from the car back inside.

@Diddl

Yes, I recall those days with fondness and slightly grim cringing. Mainly fondness and gentle nostalgia.

Hmm I’m not a faffer. It’s not uncommon for me to work in four different cities in four different hotels in one week, and then of course there’s dinners out as part of the team blah blah blah.

So it’s gym kit, and swimming cossie, trainers.
Wash bag, I keep one ready packed.
Work bag with chargers and the like.
My “away kit”. Mix and match clothes, ie for four days it would be two skirts, two jackets, four blouses/camisoles. One pair of jeans, maybe two. Wear the blouses or camis with jeans in the evenings, and mix with the skirts in the day. I only wear high heels, so two pairs and alternate. Two bras, four pants.

Every Friday night and chuck the contents of the hold-all in the wash; stick with a colour theme and don’t separate. I dry them all, and put them all back in the bag on Saturday and back in the car.

Probably ten mins packing each week? Plus ten mins to pack a swim bag, a pe bag and a spare clothes bag for DC.

It’s a mindset and practise thing :)