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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My Fiancé has been sectioned

56 replies

MummaSeahorse · 22/06/2018 11:43

Good morning all, I hope you all had a good night’s sleep...better than me anyway!
Yesterday I had to call 999 as my fiancé and daddy to our six month old daughter was having a breakdown. He had one last year while I was pregnant and quickly recovered, but there are clearly ongoing MH issues. We have recently moved nearly 500 miles from family and friends for a new job, so I don’t have much of a support network here and don’t want family to worry as they are so far away. My fiancé has not been violent, in fact almost the complete opposite, his MH state causes him to become over protective, constantly saying ‘I love you’ to me and daughter, pacing, paranoid checking of door lock and that no one is there to ‘get us’, worrying that we will leave him. Yesterday he paced with our little M in his arms for over two hours, constantly saying ‘are you alright my love ‘ and kissing her head. Although he knew she needed feeding/changing/a nap he just couldn’t break the cycle. In the end I had to call 999 and the police came and took him to hospital. He is currently awaiting transfer fro our small local hospital to a larger one with a specialist MH unit. They said this morning that due to his agitated state they are sectioning him. I’m now waiting for him to be transferred so I can take through some things for him as he only had the clothes he was wearing yesterday.
I’ve just had a call from social services as with police and a child they need to check on situation, someone is coming to see us in an hour or so. Hopefully they will be able to offer some support for us as very isolated out here.
We’ve got one heck of a journey ahead, last time he was sent to a unit on the south coast, we are now up in the Highlands so not sure where he is going to be!
Long post I know, thank you if you’ve made it to the end! I just need to ‘download’ some of this...a problem shared and all that!

OP posts:

Goldmonday · 22/06/2018 12:28

Well done OP for making the difficult decision to call for help, this is best for you, him and your baby. Pleased that he is getting the help he needs

Redland12 · 22/06/2018 12:31

Well done for taking the situation firmly in hand, you really did the right thing. I’m sending a massive hug and hand hold to you. Good luck🌷🌷

Laidbackorlazy · 22/06/2018 12:37

Oh OP, you poor loves. I have been where you are, and I know it’s so scary. You have absolutely done the right thing. Things will get better.
Please call your family, you need support to support your partner. This is not a time to be brave & struggle on, this is a time to ask for help for you as well as him. Huge hugs to you xxx

Tinkobell · 22/06/2018 12:49

Thinking of you OP. That must have been a very tough call but it's the right one. You did the right thing by him. Good luck 💐

KitKat1985 · 22/06/2018 13:07

I know it's really hard OP, but well done for getting him the help that he needs. I work as a mental health nurse on an inpatient unit and it's scary how long some families go into denial about the fact a loved one is really mentally unwell, or want to try and 'cover up' the issues to try and protect that person. It usually does more harm than good and stops people from getting the help they need. By calling the police you have made a decision to get him help and support before he deteriorates which is a great thing. Remember to look after yourself as well at the moment.

overpressure · 22/06/2018 13:12

Well done op. I know how scary times like this are and you've done the right thing.

Lalliella · 22/06/2018 13:13

No advice just a hand hold from me OP hope he gets the help he needs, sounds like he’s in the right place and you did the right thing. You sound like a great mum and partner.

liminality · 22/06/2018 13:16

Totally you've done the right thing if that is what is required. But PLEASE DO 'worry' his family. This happened to my brother a few years ago and I would have been devastated to not find out from his partner. He needs his families support too, your family need to know what is going on too so they can help in any way they can, even calling him up and what not. Unless they are really toxic, please do tell his family too xx sending you support

TokyoSushi · 22/06/2018 13:17

Well done for getting help so quickly OP

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 22/06/2018 13:25

Goodness me, you sound amazingly together, that must have been so stressful.
Well done for being so decisive in that situation. Please don't try and carry the burden yourself though, you need your family.
There's always someone here for an unmumsnetty hug when you need it too.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 22/06/2018 13:46

Sorry to read about his deteriorating mental health. Admission is best thing
Ok,is he informal or detained under MHA?
Are you in Scotland or England? Different MH laws
Who is the nearest relative or named person?have they been contacted? This is important
Will he detention appeal under mental health tribunal

Re SW visit, it’s routine. Police liaise with SW dept to inform of a call out were children were present or potential Safeguarding

WTFnnoh · 22/06/2018 15:10

Scary for you and him but you did the right thing and he can receive treatment and hopefully begin to move towards recovery. I hope that he won’t be placed too far away. You don’t say where in the highlands you live. Chances are it won’t for for long anyway. An assessment period, a treatment plan in place and hopefully he will be discharged for care in the community.

concretesieve · 22/06/2018 16:10

Another hand hold - you did the right thing and your DF is getting the help he needs

TeacupTattoo · 22/06/2018 16:14

I'm sorry you're all going through this, it sounds like you are a great support but it must have been very scary. Please carry on talking about it, here if nowhere else, to help come to terms. If possible, if there are no places in Highlands ask for him to come to Argyll and Bute as it is still very near.

NoIWontDoWhatYouSay · 22/06/2018 16:16

The Police have no power to remove someone from their home to a place of safety for psychiatric assessment.

Idratherbeaspider · 22/06/2018 16:17

I didn't want to read and run. You're a wonderful woman for being so understanding of his MH and fingers crossed he has a swift but decent recovery.
When SS turn up can you ask if there is any support for you or anywhere nearby you can go just to have some company whilst this is all going on? Something like homestart (not sure if they would have anything near to you) would be a good idea. If you haven't heard of it they're a family charity and you can have a DBS checked volunteer sent to you once a week to have some much needed adult company.
Remember to consider your own MH and self care at this time as well as DH. Obviously it can be very stressful so you need a good support network even if it's a video call with family every few nights or so to catch up and vent.

rainbowruthie · 22/06/2018 16:20

Sending you kind thoughts, offering a hand to hold and wishing you continued strength to deal with this situation

YummySushi · 22/06/2018 16:22

Op you have a sweet fiancé and you are so strong, and caring. May god bless you

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 22/06/2018 16:45

So sorry you are all going through this. Especially as you have no support. At least there will hopefully be some supports kicking into place now that he has been sectioned. Can you contact some local advocacy agencies like Mind / GP. and talk about what you might need too?

It’s a stress looking after someone with MH issues, and you are more at risk yourself of becoming overwhelmed. Practical things like are you getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, talking to others? Having any childcare? It’s really important you look after yourself, then your kids, before your partner. It will all collapse otherwise, too much on your shoulders.

Work out with hospital what the plan will be when he comes out, and be insistent you get as much care for DH as possible. Good luck

dangermouseisace · 22/06/2018 16:51

Sorry this is going on for you OP. A previous poster said kids aren’t allowed on MH wards (in England). This isn’t completely true- the one I was in had a family room where kids could visit parents. I expect this is the norm.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 22/06/2018 17:21

The Police have no power to remove someone from their home to a place of safety for psychiatric assessment Well..actually that’s not true. In planned assessment with AMHP and Dr, the police can and do remove people from their home. In planned assessments, police have a s135 warrant or s294 warrant and they can remove an individual to hospital

in this case sounds as if there was an ongoing dialogue and he consented to being conveyed to MH hospital by police no warrant required

KitKat1985 · 22/06/2018 17:37

The Police have no power to remove someone from their home to a place of safety for psychiatric assessment.

You are incorrect. I work as an inpatient psychiatric nurse and have on many occasions had patients admitted with police escorts having been sectioned under the mental health act in their homes and refusing to leave.

NoIWontDoWhatYouSay · 22/06/2018 17:48

Lipstick- it's completely true in the example given in this case and I'm sure you understand I was referring to this situation as posted. I was going to add 'unless under these circumstances' but those circumstances don't apply here so it wasn't necessarily important to list them IMO.

No HCPs were involved here and no warrants issued by courts.

I agree it's likely the DP wanted to go to hospital.

I don't want people reading this thread to think you can call 999 and express MH concern about someone who is posing no risk to themselves or others and the Police can come round and remove them to hospital rapidly. Because they can't.

Nor do I want posters struggling with MH problems to think someone can call the Police and have them carted off to hospital.

One of the reasons MH legislation was changed was to prevent the abuses by family members in the past (not at all the case here).

LakieLady · 22/06/2018 17:49

My brother was sectioned at home and the police had to come and take him in.

You sound really calm OP, all things considered, and you did the right thing for your family.

Hopefully, they'll soon get him stable so he can come home and the community MH team can look after him long term.

NoIWontDoWhatYouSay · 22/06/2018 17:53

KitKat - I'll do it for you too. The Police have no power to respond to a 999 call for a situation where someone is posing no risk to anyone and committing no crime in their own home and remove them to a place of safety for psychiatric assessment. Thank God!

No such power.

I should obviously have ended my previous post with 'in these circumstances' but didn't think it relevant as the thread isn't about a situation under those circumstances.

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