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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to cut my aunty out of my life?

2 replies

CarlaAngemi · 22/06/2018 09:36

I'm currently pregnant, it hasn't been the most straight forward of pregnancies. A few scares which we are still quite anxious about but plodding in because we have to. Most of my family have been incredibly supportive, checking in to see how I am, how DP is and of course, baby. I have this one aunt however who is quite a toxic personality. It's taken me until my mid 20s to realise this.

I hadn't spoken to her in a while, but did text to let her know I was pregnant. She responded with a one word answer. This is her signal that she's pissed off I haven't been in touch. Instead of doing the usual 'is everything ok?', I ignored it. As predicted, a couple of weeks later she got in touch, made a few excuses for not having spoken to me and started being nice. She started lecturing me on the phone however about how I never phone her and as my aunt it's nice to be appreciated. I get this all the time, if I don't respond to a text after 5 minutes, if I don't call her for a couple of months, etc etc.

She's text me in the last couple of days after not speaking for a few weeks telling me that she wants to stay because SHE is in a good place and wants to see me whilst she's in a happy place. I have no idea what this even means. Attention seeking maybe? No ask of how I am, how the pregnancy is going, how baby is. I happened to have just had some fairly scary news and was angry at her for making everything about her, as usual.

She's extremely high maintenance, when she comes to stay she eats you out of house and home and overstays her welcome (by weeks at a time), she throws her toys out when I don't contact her for a while, has fallen out with a different friend each time I speak to her. I'm just exhausted by her.

Is it a really awful thing to do? To cut out a family member? I'm really struggling with wanting her around and I'm not really sure that I do.

OP posts:
Giggorata · 22/06/2018 09:53

Firstly, I would separate the issue of her coming to stay from the NC element and let her know that are not well enough to have her to stay, as you are not having an easy pregnancy and you need to take care of yourself. That's it. You don't have to say any more than that

Then you can consider going NC. Her reaction to your reasonable communication might help you decide.
Or one of your supportive family members might be prepared to give her a talk on your behalf.. and things might change. Or not.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I do hope that things go well. It's all about you, now.😀

gryffen · 22/06/2018 10:24

Last thing you need is more stress.

Tell her a firm no and then move on - toxic is toxic and if she comes with a suitcase then say sorry no rooms available

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