Can a man child change?

[Need4change]

Just that really. Can someone who’s ever changed a nappy despite having two primary school children, sleeps a lot, never helps with housework or kids and let’s you deal with it all. Never got up at night with the baby, always thinking about himself and what/when he will eat, never the DCs. Sorts his own food out sometimes, and let’s me deal with the DCs. Thinks nothing of going to Wales or Brighton for a few days with the lads while you stay at home with the children, and without discussing with you first. Always leaving dirty clothes on the floor, his mother babies him and has done everything for him which is why he’s turned into a big man child.

Can someone like this change if they got into a new relationship, or will they always be a man child?

Ime always a man child. ..

Get rid. You deserve better. No one should ever walk over you and take you for granted

Do they want to change?

I should add - always playing on his PlayStation or games on his phone

@Mamamiaherewegoagainmymy I'm getting rid, just wondering if he got into a new relationship would he be the same with the new partner?

In short no. But what they can often do is expend a lot of energy declaring that they will change only for the wheels to creak and fall off in a matter of weeks if not days. Many are exceptionally successful at keeping up the 'I'm trying' charade for many years.

Yes he would be the same, perhaps even worse, with new partner. Honestly think the Peter Pans like being that way and have little intention of changing.

Nah they don’t change. He’ll be the same with every partner that gets lumbered with him. Glad you’re getting out though.

Not likely when they're allowed to behave like that.
But even if you didn't put up with it, I still don't think they're likely to change.

Nope. A leopard doesn't change his spots.

Generally people only change if they want to change.

I wouldn’t hold out much hope personally.

He will never change with you. The dynamic has been established.
He may step up to the plate next time, after one failed relationship where he has broken the home of his two children.
Or he may meet someone who (foolishly) takes it on as her mission to ‘whip him into dhape’...

Apart from you and the kids leaving or kicking him out, has he any other motivation to change?

Sounds like his life is pretty good at the moment...

I have one.

He wont change

Im trying my best to ensure that my son grows up in a house with 2 loving parents, but im getting towards the end of my tether.

Not likely but I have seen it happen with new partners. I'm totally different with new DP for example. Don't see why ex might not be different with his new DP too. Maybe depends on age too? At 25 you can have primary kids.

@VladmirsPoutine exactly. I spent 7 years thinking he will change. We'd have a big row, he will say he will change. Everything's great for a week or two. Then he slips right back into his old habits. And the cycle continues.

He won't change but he could meet a woman who was bought up with this dynamic and therefore thinks there is nothing wrong with it.

Death of a parent can prompt changes. But only if they had a bit of substance to them to begin with.

He won't, and I expect if he finds a new woman and she does not put up with it, she will be crazy or a psycho

DH was a bit like this when we first moved in together. His DM did everything for him at home, including ironing his underpants. Within the first month he was asking me why the living room wasn't hoovered. For context, it was 2 of us in a 1 bed flat. Both worked full time. No DC's.

I was . I asked him, "When did you think that it needed hoovering?" Him, "About 2 days ago?" Me, "So, why didn't you hoover it then?" Him, "But, you are the WOMAN "

Me "What the fuck makes you incapable of using a mechanical instrument aka a Hoover?"

Him

Me. "Look, if you love me, and we live together, we need to share a space. I am not your mother. I am not responsible for your mess. EVER. (I might have shouted at that point) I showed him the hoover, told him how to work it and left for work."

He hoovered, dusted, and cleaned the cooker before I got home. He had obviously watched his DM and picked up tips, as he is now the best at cleaning, washing, ironing, hoovering and everything else.

His DM thought I was terrible for making her darling DH WASH HIS OWN CUP But, you know, our DS's saw DDad and now their partners say they knew that they (The DS's) know how to actually do housework. And, if you live in a house or home, you are just as responsible for keeping it clean, hygenic and as tidy as it can be.

And do your own ironing.