SIL and 'friendships'

[LovelyBath77]

I'm a bit unsure about this and whether being U or not. SIL has a thing about friendships. First it was about the DC and us getting them to see one another so could be friends. It's a bit tricky though as find they are different sexes and ages and it is not that easy. But I try with this. Then, she found out about an old friend of mine living nearby them and got in touch and befriended her. Which I thought was a bit odd but they are closer together and she had moved so kind of thought, well she might be a bit lonely. Over time I find this a bit odd though. Now, SIL tells me I had told her in the past that I would still be friends with her (SIL) even if my brother and her split up. I have no memory of this and just said i can't remember saying that .

I'm a bit stressed with it all. AIBU or does this sound normal.

Sil wanted there to be a relationship between your children, eg between cousins, and she’s keen you both have a friendship together? That sounds normal to me, I would find it strange if she preferred you didn’t have a relationship, you are family.
With regards to your friend, yes she could have been lonely and now has company with your friend. Do you feel you now can’t also be friends with this person because your sil is? I honestly can’t see any issue and I am baffled as to why you think she has a ‘thing’ with friendships.

I just find it a bit intense, especially the bit about me saying i would be friends even if they split up. For me, friendships are more built up over time with people I get to know well, rather than something that just happens...and is agreed to...

Is she is a new relationship with your brother?

No, they have been married a while. I should have explained a bit more. She's quite controlling and bossy with my brother, and my mum was the same. So I think that is putting me off. Some people can use relationships to control others. I find her quite domineering and dogmatic as well.

But I hardly know her,

Well you can choose who you want to be friends with. If you don’t want a relationship then just make that clear to her. From your OP there wasn’t anything jumping out which would make me think of her as odd for wanting a friendship with you, but then again you know the situation and you know her.