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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this too much for a snack?

301 replies

SingingOutOfTune · 21/06/2018 17:02

My 12 years old gets home from school and has 3/4 Krisprolls with lots of honey and peanut butter and 2 small glasses of milk. This is around 4 pm. We have dinner around 8. Is this too much? I know he is growing and his weight is fine but I am a bit concerned. Can mums of teens on Mumsnet give me some perspective? Told him off today for having a second glass of milk and hated myself afterConfused. Don't like controlling what he eats but it seems excessive for a snack

OP posts:
marymoosmum · 22/06/2018 23:12

Not RTFT but my 4 year old can eat that and more, she is classed as tall and thin and is very active. Let him have that second glass of milk, at least it's milk.

OnlyAmy · 22/06/2018 23:33

Bedtimes aren't for children. Bedtimes are for adults! It's the couple of hours you get to be the person you always were, and if you have a partner or husband, it gives you time to maintain your relationship, too.

mathanxiety · 23/06/2018 04:23

I find that compartmentalisation very intriguing.

'The person I always was' doesn't exist, for me, as a static entity. I see myself very much as a work in progress, and part of that work in progress involved incorporating my children into the arc of my life and my consciousness of self.

massivelyouting · 23/06/2018 06:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oblomov18 · 23/06/2018 06:55

Doesn't sound like a lot. My 2 are always starving when they come out of school and DO eat a full dinner at 6pm.

ralfeesmum · 23/06/2018 10:36

Quantity-wise it seems OK, but lots of honey AND peanut butter? That's very generous on calories.

ExeterMa · 23/06/2018 11:09

If that's what suits you, then fine but it doesnt mean it's what works best for everyone.

Before ds1 started school, he would have gone to bed 9.30 ish and we would still have had time together. On school night's we now have to change our routine and eat at 7ish and put 3 yr old to bed for 8, 7 yr old for 8.30.

This thread is full of people preaching what is 'appropriate' for other people's kids. Different families work different ways. To me, sitting down as a family is one of the highlights of our day and the idea of giving the kids their tea early (before dh & I get home from work) just feels sad. That's not what works for everyone but there is no right/ wrong way!

ExeterMa · 23/06/2018 11:09

sorry.. was replying to @onlyarmy

mathanxiety · 23/06/2018 19:52

Shaking my head at the calorie counting. This is a boy of 12 who will be growing taller than his mum and possibly his dad in the next three years. Boys of 12 can absorb all the calories you can throw at them.

Ohyesiam · 23/06/2018 20:00

If it was too much he’d be overweight

Ippydippyskyblue · 23/06/2018 21:04

In my experience kids of that age are generally good at self regulating what they eat and it sounds like your son is doing exactly that.
I most definitely wouldn’t limit his milk intake. Quite the opposite. Rather that, than drinking loads of glasses of highly undiluted squash.

Heatherjayne1972 · 24/06/2018 18:05

No where near enough
My two get in at 4 and we eat at 6-6.30
They eat toast/ sandwich. Juice
Ice cream ( at the moment not everyday). Fruit sometimes and/ or a couple of biscuits
They’d faint with hunger on only a few crisp rolls!!

And yes they eat all their dinner

Original poster
SingingOutOfTune · 24/06/2018 19:00

Couples of points I'd like to make:
If kids naturally self regulate there wouldn't be obesity among teens. They overeat specially if they are bored and there's a cupboard full at their disposal. They will eat out of boredom and cravings as much as adults do. They might not put on much weight due the amount of calories they burn while they are growing but
They also need to watch fat content and sugar content in food. They can take more than a middle aged person but it doesn't mean that there won't be consequences later in life.

OP posts:
bananafish81 · 24/06/2018 19:01

All those horrified by 8pm dinner, insisting that families should eat at 6pm...

...6pm finish for is the norm at every office I've ever worked in. Would need some serious teleportation and instant cooking skills to be sitting down to eat at that time!

bbqseason · 24/06/2018 19:14

OP children are more likely to be able to self regulate if they are given some control and practice over what they eat and when. Maybe the obese teens are the ones whose parents micro managed what they ate when they were younger?

magentastardust · 24/06/2018 21:42

I can't believe there is so much outrage at a later eating time, especially as the child is 12 not 2! My children often eat at 7 or 7.30pm as its the only way we could eat together as a family which to me is pretty important.
I don't know that many people that work and get home earlier than 6pm/6.30pm so what does everyone do -2 sittings of dinners? I do this now and again or to fit in with afterschool activities , but for the majority of evenings we will eat late so we can all eat as a family.

Original poster
SingingOutOfTune · 25/06/2018 07:30

@bbqseason I don't micromanage. I manage. I look at the overall picture and call upon details when I think necessary. I am not watching every spoon they eat. At this very moment they are happily chatting downstairs having the breakfast they chose without any input from me. I come here to ask if he was eating too much for a snack because I noticed a pattern that I wansn't sure about.
I have a good relationship with food. Never been on a diet to lose weight. We as family eat everything. My kids love food and help out in the kitchen every now and then. I am not a crazy person counting calories they eat. But I like to know how much they should be eating so I can guide them if it's too much. I learned from the website another poster sent. And looking at examples menus could see they are about there so, that is it. No need to think about this anymore.

OP posts:
SparkleMotions · 25/06/2018 09:56

OP you are right to be concerned with your Children's health in regards to what they eat, but it is coming across as more than a concern, more like an obsession - asking your Son to spread his peanut butter sparingly and having a go at him for having a second glass of milk..I mean really? It's important for children to grow up with a healthy attitude towards food, but yours doesn't sound healthy, you're over the top. Do you not think that the way you're behaving is going to affect how your Children view food? Because unhealthy views on eating habits can also cause damage OP!

Original poster
SingingOutOfTune · 25/06/2018 12:19

@SparkleMotions,
Things presented out of context can become a bit distorted. If you knew personally you would see. I showed the thread to my husband and he laughed. Because he knows me. And I don't have much time to be obsessed with anything to be honest. With a job, kids and house to look after. Husband doing most of the cooking anyway last few months. I am more worried that I should probably stop replying to this threadSmile and go do some work.

OP posts:
PickwickThePlockingDodo · 25/06/2018 12:42

Sorry but the fact you "hated" yourself after you told him off, it must have been quite a telling off for having a second glass of small milk Shock It also suggests you do micro manage his eating.
Anyway, hoping it was a one off and he is free to drink as much milk as he needs.

SlothSlothSloth · 25/06/2018 12:52

OP I haven’t RTFT, but just to say unless he is getting fat you should let him eat lots and lots (of healthy food obviously) and not curtail his intake at all at that age. Even if it seems like he’s eating a lot to you. My parents really underfed me as a child/teen (part ignorance, part negligence, part stinginess with money) and I am now exceptionally short, despite most in my family, including my parents, being tall. Let your son eat until he’s full at this crucial age, or you’ll stunt his growth.

Original poster
SingingOutOfTune · 25/06/2018 13:06

My boys are very tall for their age and not skinny. Broad shoulders strong and beautiful. I get that people will think what they want to think and maybe what I unwittingly led them to think with my post. I am bowing out of this thread.

So no more replies from me on this one.

But thanks again for all the advice. Smile

OP posts:
Pinkclouds80 · 25/06/2018 21:22

My god, this woman has asked for feedback from other mums to sense-check her feelings, and even said she hated herself for telling him off, and STILL gets sworn at and told off! Food really presses people’s buttons but shaming someone looking for a steer is SO uncool. @singingoutoftune I hope the nice messages in amongst the “outrage” have been helpful and you don’t go away feeling like a monster! Everyone worries about something, the fact you’re wondering and getting some other views to check your own out probably means you’re a great mum xxx mine is only 2.5 and swings between hunger strike and Homer Simpson, it is what it is xxx

mathanxiety · 26/06/2018 05:43

A bigger than average 12 year old with broad shoulders will need more than the suggested number of daily calories than the link I posted shows, @SingingOutOfTune.

Please don't take the upper limit as a hard and fast rule.

lottiebear69 · 23/07/2018 23:20

Merryoldgoat I think 8pm is a normal time for most adults to eat in a family where people don't get back from work until after 7pm. Maybe outside London where you drive home you might be back earlier but generally those working in London won't finish until earliest 6pm and then need public transport home, its not unusual to take an hour door to door. Eating together at 8pm is much better surely than them eating a separate meal early on and then snacking through the evening. Its a time to chat too when eating together. With my teenagers they are also out doing clubs until this time anyway. Teenage boys have hollow legs so would eat constantly which as long as they're not over weight isn't a bad thing in my opinion