Scales and mirrors

[roseblossom75]

I haven't dared step on scales (I don't own any) since just after the birth of my first child 19 years ago.
I gave myself a massive shock as I had put on 3 stone! (Previously been super slim with a stomach as flat as an ironing board).
I have since had three more children (youngest is seven) and put on baby weight with each pregnancy (when I say I put on weight I'm just going by assumptions but actually have no idea as I didn't step on scales. I refused to be weighed in any of my subsequent pregnancies).

To give a bit of background info, before I became pregnant with first baby at age 23 I had previously suffered from an eating disorder (pattern of starving myself all day, binging at evening meal and then rushing to the bathroom to make myself sick).
I have never once made myself sick since having my children but this fear of scales and mirrors has stayed with me.

I have currently started a new diet and am doing really well. Eating sensibly with a combination of salads and slimming world meals (cut out all rubbish completely and not snacking between meals).
I am guessing I need to lose about 3 stone but as I say if I ever stepped on the scales I am terrified that I would get the urge to make myself sick again.
I am finding myself feeling low and convinced I haven't lost any weight at all and that I still look grotesque.

The fear of mirrors started when I was a teenager and has just stayed with me.
I can't look in shop windows in case I atch a glimpse of my reflection.
I put make up on in a tiny compact mirror so I only view a small part of my face at any time.

I have noticed that these feelings get worse at difficult times in my life (currently going through a sad time).
It's difficult for me to talk about in real life.

I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time, OP. I really have no practical advice to give you as I know nothing of eating disorders but it does sound like you might need some professional help.

I just wanted to suggest that you request your post to be moved to mental health as I’m sure you will get a lot more meaningful support there maybe from people who have been through similar.

Take care, OP. X

It's going to be very hard to lose weight when you don't even know how much you're aiming to lose. Another issue you might face is that without measuring yourself in any way it's going to be very difficult to measure your progress. This could become a problem when you're a couple of weeks in, you hit a plateau and you won't be able to motivate yourself by reminding yourself of how much you've achieved.

The only thing I can think of is do you have a very close friend or could your husband help? Let someone else measure or weigh you. That way the information is being recorded but you can take a massive step back from it. I know this might sound like a terrible idea - if you're not comfortable knowing your weight you might find the idea of someone else knowing it horrific - but I thought I'd throw it out there.