To not go on a work team 'holiday'.

[awayintheclouds]

Some colleagues who work in my department have planned a trip abroad over 4 days next month. The job I work in is primarily remote based, with little office time, so their plan is to go to Italy for a long weekend, and work remotely on the Monday and Tuesday.

I was told about this yesterday, and am feeling pressurised to go to. The company will not pay, and if I was to go I would have to pay for it out of my own pocket. I have tried to make an excuse that now is not a good time, but everyone else seems on board, and I'm worried if I don't go I'm going to look unreasonable/unsociable.

Do I go and use money I can't afford right now, or just appear boring and stay here?

Insane. I wouldn't feel in the slightest bit embarrassed to say, 'Money's tight at the moment and we have some planned expenses coming up, so this doesn't work for me. Have fun'.

Surely they have to get management approval for any of this time away to count as 'work'? Otherwise it's holiday! If I was their manager, I'd be keeping a close eye on this.

But they can work remotely 3/4 days. As long as they have connectivity there would be no difference between working at home and working in Italy. Might be quicker with some f2f chats for some projects. Obviously not though if just a booze fest planned.

In some ways you might miss out, and it is worth working out if it is just the cost 'oh shame I don't have the money right now and it is Uncle Earnest's 70th in Bunbury that weekend, if it goes well maybe we can get a cheap deal off peak next year sometime.' If you don't think you will ever want to do it then Uncle Earnest's birthday again and 'It's not really my thing anyway.'

YANBU. If you have children, surely they wouldn't expect you to be able to go anyway??

Just say you and DH have plans ( to spend time together and enjoy being married, but you don't need to say that).

Say you have commitments at the weekend but can join them on Monday. Not at your expense in those circumstances?

I would feel terrible lying to colleagues and making excuses, and I feel embarrassed using money as an excuse if they can all afford to go

You don't have to lie or use money as an excuse. Just tell them a long weekend in Italy doesn't really appeal and you hope they all have a good time. It's not an "excuse" it's how you feel. Anyone who actually thinks work colleagues are obliged to go on holiday with the team is utterly bonkers. But I think more likely most of them just think it's a really great idea and haven't even conceived of the possibility you don't actually want to go. All you have to do is let them know it's not for you without making out you think they are all a bit odd for wanting to.

If you're still going to monthly social events then I don't think there is any great potential harm in skipping a pointless holiday that you can't afford.

Just say no.
Or no thanks if you're feeling polite.
And (this is important because it puts you in the driving seat)
do not give a reason.

If you are mostly remote based, getting together like this can be a good idea. However, given that it is an exercise that is primarily for the benefit of your employers, obviously they should pay for it. Also, of course, they could achieve the same simply by sending you all off to a hotel in the English countryside. Also, since you say you already socialise monthly and know everyone well it doesn't seem that necessary.

As for the suggestion that you should travel to Italy in the height of summer only for all of you to sit in the hotel for two days working remotely ... words fail me. Why on earth would anyone pay for a hotel room to work in when you could all presumably work much more conveniently from your usual workplace?

I'd suggest that you also don't cover for them. After all, they're going to be working as normal on Monday and Tuesday, aren't they?

Er, no thanks.

I would just be honest and say I was sorry but that I genuinely could not afford to go and hope they all have a lovely time.

It's not an excuse - they are all single while you have a family to support (although I wouldn't be spending my own money on a work thing even if I could afford it - if I was going to Italy, it would be with my family!)

I would just say I couldn't go - but point out that you won't be feeling left out as someone has to stay home to man the office, so you hope your efforts won't go un-noticed as a vital part of the team.

I would say no and don't worry at all about why, you still go to socials
But if you want to never go, I'd say so now. Otherwise while they're away they'll cook up a plan for another one with more notice. It's easier to just say no, this kind of thing isn't for me - otherwise you'll be needing an excuse for next time.

Somebody needs to stay back as back up in case there's an issue (wifi problems, flight delays, mass hangover food poisoning etc).
Or pull the expired/no passport thing.

Management has approved this. They have a strong emphasis on team building because we primarily work remotely, but as I say, I suspect a certain amount of leniency will be granted for the two working days.

So, basically, they're having a holiday without using any leave but have sold it to management as remote, flexible, team-building? . No work will get done. Just say no and work remotely from wherever you fancy on Monday and Tuesday.

Thanks for all the input and I think these comments are very true. I am genuinely not wanting to be unreasonable or unsociable, but at the same time, I feel this is very different to the monthly social, and right now I am not even budgeting to eat out, nevermind flights and a hotel. I will try and be firm and say I can't go tomorrow, but am worried about the reaction, but it'll have to be I guess.

I worked somewhere where everyone was only in the office a day or so a week; if that - we were all almost entirely remote based. They did travelling "holidays" like this to bond the team and explore new places.

They weren't forced though - as long as you didn't say you'd go and then pull out, which upset the costs for everyone else, there was no pressure. Hopefully it'll be the same here if you just politely decline.

I've worked remotely for a while now, AND I really like my colleagues, but this still sounds really weird to me!

I'm a big fan of the phrase "Unfortunately there's no room for that in the budget right now". You're not exactly saying you can't afford it, and it doesn't invite too many questions (unless your colleagues are completely nosy buggers of course).

I am genuinely not wanting to be unreasonable or unsociable

But you weren't consulted!

I don't get the angst. You don't want to go, you can't afford to go (what does your DH think?)

So don't go!

Anchor, did people pay for themselves?

I'm so glad I planned early retirement from 18! workplace culture gets crazier by the minute.

Ask one of them for a report back on progress for absent team members.
Skype on Monday and Tuesday so you haven't missed out?

I don't bother with work events and this fills me with horror. Unless I was getting paid lots to attend this I wouldn't bother

Just smile and say no, no one will care

I wouldn’t do this, and I wouldn’t worry about it, and I wouldn’t lie. I’d say oh no thank you. And if pressed I’d say I just don’t fancy it, even though I really love spending time with you guys, it just doesn’t suit me. But I hope you have a great time.

I'd book a 9am skype on both days to go through what they are covering and what needs to be covered back at base.

9am local time, I'm not that mean

If it's a work thing, work pays.

If not, and you can't afford it, just say you are not going. No need for explanations or justifications, just say "it doesn't work financially for me at the moment" and repeat.

You never know, if it's considered to be that useful work-wise, your employer might agree to pay at least something towards it at which point you can reassess if you want to.