Mil rant

[Stepmum3]

Hi,

Together my partner and I have six children we all live together. And tbh we rarely get a moments peace or time together. We are currently trying to do diy around house garden and kitchen so most weekends are busy with kids, diy or our parents.
Regard the diy I am constantly having to motivate my partner and basically be a nag. I end up doing a lot of it during holidays etc and then waiting for stuff that’s beyond me. But I manage to do most of the diy whilst also watching our kids etc.

I have two issues I am sick of my partner always fulfilling any requests his mum puts in like tip runs,fitting lights and the next thing on the list is build her a shed. This wouldn’t piss me off so much if our own stuff was in place. I am currently waiting for fencing to be replaced and every time I mention it there is some excuse. So far my neighbour and I are sharing a garden since January.

The thing that pisses me off most is mil knows we are constantly busy and she also has a daughter who has no real commitments who lives with her. Now she is expecting us to do a bloody tip run. Even though there is a 40 yr old living with her with a car.

I just feel like my partner and his family are taking the Mick out of me. Here I am at times on my own trying to get our house in order so he can be off doing stuff for his mum. Whilst I do practically everything for the kids, our home and on top of this I work full time.

I feel so frustrated I could cry. I really needed to vent x

He needs to realise that his family should be his priority, and learn to say No to his mum.

To quote an oft-used phrase on MN - you have a dh problem, not a MIL problem. Her behaviour is selfish and demanding, but he is enabling it.

you have a dh problem, not a MIL problem
A cliched phrase but in your case, it’s absolutely true.

She can ask if she likes. He can say no.
He’s the one obligated to your family home, not mil. He’s the one letting you down. Your mil can ask her son for help whenever she wants. The fact that he chooses to help his mum while neglecting his own home is on him.

Don’t rant about your mil. It’s not her fault you have six kids. That’s on you.

Talk to your dh.

Usually I avoid cliches like the plague !

I agree it’s more on him. Unfortunately, he just sees me as moaning. My eldest step son is the same if I mention we are doing chores he slopes off down his grans as she has asked her to do something. I feel very unhappy and just feel I was a single parent of three prior to this and that life is looking more appealing

I think you need to SHOW him what he's doing. Honestly, he's probably doing it for a bit of peace and quiet. I'd personally be saying 'my mum needs this/that and I'm going out.' Just as often as he does and then maybe he'll see how he's acting.

Straight out ask him:
why is building your mothers shed more important than giving the children as safe, private garden?

I had the same problem with my dp and mil.
I often posed these questions and he has finally clicked ourhousecomes first.

Hi,

Tried something similar last year when he went to his mums to do something I went to Wales for the day on my own as my children were with their father. My step children don’t see their mum. It back fired the house was a tip and I was chasing my tail with the washing.

Xx

I actually love that threeisacharm. I am going to try that.