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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner has pictures of exes

24 replies

soyoutooksomepictures · 20/06/2018 18:57

I have found naked pictures of his ex girlfriends. Along with emails of him requesting them. I found them by accident at first but then I started snooping. I found he did this with quite a few women before me. He had some in a private album on his laptop too.

That doesn’t bother me. He said he forgot he had them and he’s happy to delete them. What bothers me is he’s never asked me for one. Not ever. I feel a bit hurt by this.
Aibu? Is it normal? If you are in a relationship does your partner ask for them or want them? Why would he always want them with others and not me?

Yes I know I shouldn’t have looked but I did. Yes I regret it because now all I feel is insecure and can’t get the images out of my head.

OP posts:

Babyroobs · 20/06/2018 18:58

maybe he's just outgrown the habit ?

OhBabyNoName · 20/06/2018 19:01

Is this a serious question? Yes, YABU. Maybe he has a little more respect for you than that. Maybe he sees you as relationship material rather than someone he wants to sit and have a wank over. I would be more annoyed that he still had the photos and whilst not a deal breaker I would ask him to delete them. Those poor girls would be mortified to know that their decision to send him a personal photo lead to you, a total stranger, looking at their naked photo!

Original poster

soyoutooksomepictures · 20/06/2018 19:03

So do men stop asking when they get older? I know it would be more so at the start and not so much further on Into the relationship?

OP posts:

OhBabyNoName · 20/06/2018 19:06

Also it always strikes me as bizarre that people manage to find themselves reading emails of their partner and their ex partners in discussion which must have been from a fairly long time ago 'by accident' - that doesn't wash with me at all.

I have no idea if men stop asking when they get older. Some men may, some men may not. All men are different and it's not possible to generalise like that. People just change, full stop. Maybe he just doesn't have the time or energy for it because his priorities are different.

Honestly OP I would forget about this whole thing. You're going to drive yourself nuts. Most of us get by without knowing anything about our partner's previous relationships and maybe that's for the best, for this very reason!

Original poster

soyoutooksomepictures · 20/06/2018 19:12

Thank you for replying ohbaby. I was asked to search for an email to print something off for him. It came up in the searches. it was definitely by accident initially. Obviously not the snooping afterwards.

I wish I hadn’t looked.

OP posts:

Namechangedname · 20/06/2018 19:34

Why would he keep them, as trophies?

Original poster

soyoutooksomepictures · 20/06/2018 19:59

He said he forgot. Now I’m thinking he probably didn’t. Would you feel insecure over this?

OP posts:

SugarIsAmazing · 20/06/2018 20:05

My husband has pics of me in lingerie, and I feel more insecure that I don't look like that now. When he looks at them (I don't know if he does) I feel like he's comparing skinny, sexy me then to fat me now.

But in answer to your question he asked me for pics but says he didn't ask his exes (not sure I believe him).

busybarbara · 20/06/2018 20:10

I wouldn't dwell on it, it will wind you up as someone else said. There could be all sorts of reasons, he's grown up, he gets to see you naked frequently so doesn't need them or maybe he's with you for your personality.

Original poster

soyoutooksomepictures · 20/06/2018 20:20

Yes I must have a great personality but a crappy body.

OP posts:

Thisnamechanger · 20/06/2018 20:22

My ex kept his ex's nude pics and said the same thing (forgotten them). It was not an accident and I discovered much worse subsequently

OhBabyNoName · 20/06/2018 20:26

At the end of the day OP what are you actually going to do about this? End the relationship? Give him the silent treatment? Carry on like normal?

My guess is that you will continue as normal, feel insecure about yourself (you sound like you are quite insecure from your posts) and mindlessly compare yourself to his exes. You're doing it already.

Ask him to delete the photos. Tell him with authority that you appreciate that he has a past, you don't want to be reminded of it. Ask him to delete anything else he may have similar whilst he's at it. Then move on.

ShirleyPhallus · 20/06/2018 20:26

I’ve got old cock shots of ex-boyfriends which I requested at the time. Christ i haven’t thought about that for YEARS and would be mortified if DP found them lurking on an old laptop, and also pretty pissed off that he found himself “accidentally” looking

letsallhaveanap · 20/06/2018 20:27

My husband had a few pics of his exes naked...im not sure if he asked for them or not... I never really thought about it!
I wouldnt like to send naked pics of myself anyway tbh I took a couple in some lingerie on our wedding.. but that wasnt requested I just did it.
I dont think im less attractive than any of his previous girlfriends.. Just people have different relationships with different people dont they? I mean maybe he just doesnt think youd be up for doing that or like it? Or it could just be something he did because he was younger and he sort of felt that he should do it? Or he wanted to see if he would really like it? who knows....
If you have a good relationship with him now I just wouldnt worry about it tbh!

Ive done sexual stuff with exes in the past that I was just trying out... or that appealed to me at the time but wouldnt now... and that has nothing to do with how attractive or how much I loved those individual people.. more to do with where I was at in my life

OhBabyNoName · 20/06/2018 20:27

shirley Your name and post combined aren't doing you any favours only kidding. I agree with you wholeheartedly!

Original poster

soyoutooksomepictures · 20/06/2018 20:38

It’s really more that he has never wanted any of me that makes me feel insecure. Like the others were better.
These were women he was in relationships with not just flings.
I guess I am being unreasonable to feel this way.

OP posts:

Original poster

soyoutooksomepictures · 20/06/2018 20:40

Thanks for the reply’s ladies.

OP posts:

Butterflykissess · 20/06/2018 20:43

i had this exact thing aswell. must admit i did wonder why he never asked for them aswell.

MyKingdomForBrie · 20/06/2018 20:44

It would never occur to me to be offended by that I don’t think! Maybe he respects you more? Do you live together? Requesting pics by email sounds like they didn’t live together so he didn’t always have the real thing?

letsallhaveanap · 20/06/2018 20:45

its not because they are 'better' its probably more to do with him being younger and curious to see if he could get them to send pics/how it would make him feel... its about him, not them or you!!
Maybe he just tried it out a few times and realised its a bit boring/doesnt really turn him on that much in general and so no longer asks for nude pics

Original poster

soyoutooksomepictures · 20/06/2018 20:51

Butterfly did you ask him?

Yes he lived with them. They were taken by him in their home. And some he had requested in emails.

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 20/06/2018 20:57

I have never asked DP for cock shots, despite sexting with others in the past and having them

Why? Well I’m much more secure now. I love and respect DP FAR more than any of the others, I love having sex with him on a far deeper level than the others - I suppose now I just don’t want / need the validation of sexting cos our relationship is much deeper. If he ever thought like you do I’d be mortified. I’m just older, bit wiser, more secure plus..... let’s face it, there is absolutely zero sexy about a photo of a penis!

busybarbara · 20/06/2018 21:08

let’s face it, there is absolutely zero sexy about a photo of a penis!

What were you getting out of the sexting then?

ShirleyPhallus · 20/06/2018 21:10

Errrr friskiness at the time. Weirdly I don’t find penis shots of people I’m not sleeping with any more so sexy

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