to not want to talk to my mum?

[PrimaBollie]

Ready to be told IAU. MP and I had some potentially worrying news about our unborn baby and we are both terribly worried. Sent my mum a text explaining that it's likely ok and not to worry. We find out more on Monday. My mum is the type of person who Googles and gives me medical advice which is not from a reliable website. She comes up with all sorts of weird and wonderful solutions (drink this tea, sit in this position, do this breathing technique) - it's sweet, but incredibly irritating. I've told my mum I will give her a call after we have heard more about the well-being of our baby on Monday, that I'm not really in the mood to chat but will let her know as soon as I know. She is not annoyed with me and thinks I should be giving her daily updates.

Who is being unreasonable here? I just don't want to think about my potentially sick baby until I have to. Of course it's in the back of my mind but I need to get through the next few days without totally falling apart! Any advice?

*DP not MP

*she is now annoyed with me

Bloody auto correct!

Bump... struggling with guilt of having upset my mum but really can't deal with talking about this right now...

You need to take care of yourself. And the same goes for your mum. She's old enough to look after herself, and her feelings are her problem. You don't need to be worrying about her too, you've enough on your plate.
I hope you get better news on Monday.

Please take care of yourself. YANBU
Something similar happened to me and my DM reacted by finding the tiny percentage of stories where it was all fine.
I broke down crying and eventually got her to see that her telling me about what happened to other people wasn't helping me feel positive, it was making me feel not listened too and dismissed. That she could tell other people it was going to be ok, but I needed to be able to cry and talk about my worries without being shut down.

She was a bit put out, but did see eventually that I was still sorting out my emotions and didn't have any energy left for hers. She apologized years later.

Put your own emotional life jacket on.

Sorry, posted too soon. Put yourself first, a normally good relationship can weather this and she should understand that she can take a step back.

I had a friend who catastrophised everything. I stopped telling her about bad/ worrying times in my life for this reason.

I agree with PP. You matter too. You deserve to put yourself first for the next few days.

Sorry but she doesn't get to make your pregnancy and worry all about her. I get that she's concerned but she needs to let you cope however you need to. Honestly I would avoid telling her anything she doesn't have to know in future.
And I really and truly hope it's good news on Monday.

To be honest, you're both partly responsible. If you know your Mother is like that and won't change, then you should learn to manage her.

That's what I do with mine and why we didn't tell her about the 4 days I was being induced before labour began until 5 weeks after the fact.

leigha I understand but if I hid this from her it'd just make things work. I think she should learn to manage herself as a grown woman. She asked to be kept updated, so I updated her. I've not got a further update and really don't want to talk about it and just can't see why that's so hard for her. Maybe I need to stop telling her things.

Don't tell her anything until you know for certain. Protect yourself - and look after yourself and your baby

Thanks baking - I tell my dad everything and he just gets it. He's in medicine and knows exactly how to deal with things like this. How ridiculous that my baby might be poorly and I'm worried about my mum!

Your Dad being 'in' medicine means his reaction is going to be different anyway. I can see why you're annoyed, truly I can, but speaking as one who has lost her mother I would say try and look at us as she is worried about you because she loves you, and asks for updates because she is worried about you and he grandchild. Having a Mum who doesn't care or isn't here to maybe change her ways a bit is far far worse. Just calmly say you don't have anything new to discuss but will let her know when you do, and yes as PP said "manage" her, or your expectations of her. I hope all goes well for you and your baby.

I agree with Teacup. 👍🏻

Thank you teacup - it's hard sometimes to not let someone do your head in.

Now is the time to be selfish. She should be there to support you, not be making demands.

It isn't all about her, she has no right to demand daily updates.

I would be furious and tell her I won't be updating at all if she puts any more pressure on you at an already stressful time.

hope all goes ok.

There is a very simple diagram you can do.

Draw a circle in the middle. That is your child.

Draw another circle around that- that is you and your DH

Draw another circle around that - that is your parents, family etc

Draw another circle around that - your close friends

Draw another circle around that - your extended family and friends

Your child may be ill - everyone leans on and gets support from people going outwards - from smallest circle to the biggest circle.

You get support from everyone outside your circle - your DM gets support from everyone outside her circle - so she does NOT lean on you for support. She has to get her support from the outer circles.

And so on, and so on. Too many times the person who is ill, or has difficulties, is comforting and supporting other people who are upset that this person is ill - which is a complete load of bollocks and should NEVER happen.