When does a story become my story too?

[SlipperTastic]

So I am about to start a blog, purely for fun and for mental health reasons.

Up until now my semi estranged mother has been my biggest rah rah rah supporter for me to get it started since the stories I have to tell are actually rather funny at times.

But, now that I have sent her the first entry which starts of with explaining how I became to be half from a different country i.e. How my parents met; she has turned around and said she does not want me to write about that at all.

I have been very complimentary about her in the sketch that I have written. Because it is a sketch in which my parents are more portrayed as cartoon characters - her as the innocent young beautiful model and my father with the throbbing red Jaguar E-Type with the registration number spelling out VULTURE in her language sporting a pornstar moustache.
Her version is obviously very different and includes years of heart ache and I do understand that.

But what she must understand is that my version also does exactly that. Her choices affected my life and it was the choices that she made after the divorce that caused our estrangement. So the fact that she did not bad mouth my father has no baring on that.

And the next chapter she will most definitely not like either then will she? Because that will be Husband number two and he really was a mean old bastard.
But once again my intent will be to skate over the bad bits and make light of it without exactly hiding the truth.

Who is she to edit my life? She already asked me to unfriend and break contact with a cousin because it linked back to her sister, and I did, no problem.

After the first two chapters she will disappear anyway. I left her and the country behind. And I very much doubt that anyone in her home country would ever bother reading a blog in English. I'm not that bloody clever!

So, my AIBU is this - am I being unfair to my mother to write a funny story about how she met my father when it led to divorce and made her very sad?

Oh and I said the car was Red - the car was apparently White, it only turned red later etc etc etc etc etc

My daughter also thinks that she's funny and that she has the right to tell all and sundry details concerning my life before she even existed to gain an audience of like minded people.

She's not and she doesn't. That would be like me going around telling the oh-so-funny story about how she met her first equally not-so-funny (but also thought that he was) boyfriend. Not that I would, because... I actually have respect for other human beings and their right to be in control of whatever they want shared on social media...

So are you being unreasonable? Yes. Does your mother have the right to be upset/pissed off/hurt? Oh, yes. Do you have to like that? No. Do you have to respect her wishes? No, but you should. How would you feel if you had a child who, one day, decided to tell the oh-so-funny story about how you thought you had the right to dissect their grandparent's early relationship, prior to your (their mother's) existence? And please don't say that oh, you wouldn't mind one little bit... because I think we all know you would.

And if you left your mother behind... why does she have access to knowledge about this blog? If you left her behind, how does she have access to your "funny sketches"?

How your parents met is not YOUR story, and you are very unkind to make a joke out of events that will make your mother upset. You won't even born when they met, so you are just imagining the whole thing anyway.

This. I think YABVVVVU and have no right to publicise your mother's life.

@SlipperTastic

And I know you won't want to hear this, but I don't think many people are going to be massively interested in your memoirs, (which sound a bit OTT to me to be honest .)

And further to what @contrary13 says above ^ I think you believe that you are much funnier than you actually are.

it's your story.
end of.
but you've got to live with your mother, it depends if you want to cause a rift or go on happily as is now.

Jeanette winterstone wrote about how her novel affected her mother in her memiors. it was very interesting and I don't think for a minute she would have held back on her award winning novel for anyone.

Wow. So you’re sharing your mother’s story against her will for an ego boost from strangers? You sound like such a great person, OP!

I think the only way to do this is to be totall anonymous. Tell your mum you’ve dropped the idea and then make a blog and don’t tell her. You will only edit it if you are putting her in a good light as she is reading it- this needs to be honest. The best work is always totally truthful.

You have a right to tell your story. Keep it anonymous and tell it your way.

Right, I want to stress that the idea of the blog is not navel gazing, finger pointing, victim blaming or anything of that ilk.

Shit happens, and in amongst that shit sometimes there is a funny little kernel. It's the way my brain is wired.

But my life has not all been poop - it has been really great and Monty Python seems to have dodged me every step of the way.

It all started because of a thread on here (I have name changed for this) where some people asked me to start a blog, and asked me for a quick biography.

Anyway, thought I'd add a pic of a screen shot of what I am no longer going choose. It does not mention my mother. Not too scandalous I don't think?

I'm afraid I don't get it.

I know you say you are finding it cathartic and so on, but what is the actual purpose of it?

Is is supposed to be funny?

It's not.

And if your MOTHER doesn't want you to do it (for public viewing,) then DON'T.

I'm afraid I don't get it.

I know you say you are finding it cathartic and so on, but what is the actual purpose of it?

Is it supposed to be funny?

It's not.

And if your MOTHER doesn't want you to do it (for public viewing,) then DON'T.

I have accidentally joined a fake football riot whilst DH abandoned me, I accidentally lied to the President of Peru in front of the International Press whilst my best friend the Punk Rocker did a curtsy in China just to mention two.

Sorry, this all sounds a bit ‘I’m mad, me!’, who do you think will read it?

If you’re putting your writing out there, I’d have hoped you’re able to understand how to use apostrophes. The screenshot you shared doesn’t bode well for your literacy

As I said above, I do this all day, every day.

Just because things happened, it doesn't make a book or even a blog. That is what people get wrong all the time. Memoir writing is a skill - in fact I'm starting to think that even keeping a diary is a skill, as so few people do it. Everyone wants an audience, everyone wants validation.

I really would urge you to think of the good advice you've had here (there's been a lot of nonsense too) - and get your apostrophes sorted .

Oh shit!
You are absolutely right.
And I too hate that kind of person!

Whatever was I thinking?

Close call. Thank you so much for the reality check.

Onwards and upwards!

I'm not LimeCheesecaker - my comment just took a while to post . . but I agree with every word she says.

I think it would have been fine to just write your blog and put whatever you want in it, that is your prerogative and I can't see how your mother would know if you didn't tell her.

As you have consulted your mother that means you have engaged her in the process and you need to take her view into account, otherwise why ask?

I think what you are doing is possibly not legal - you have painted her as though she was a vulnerable young adult in the description you have given. In many cases it's actually illegal to share identities of people who have been abused.

I agree with your mother on this. I think, from what you've posted, you have actually shared her story, not yours.

Hi @SlipperTastic

Sorry, I just reread my last post and it sounds short at the end!

I didn't mean to be rude at all, I'm really sorry that it comes across that way.

What I mean to say is, I wish you luck and joy in finding and developing your voice, which I am sure you will! I was surprised to read mine. I had never written anything creative before, only academic work. I couldn't believe I had written it, it was quite beautiful in places! So that was me finding my voice, it happen as I wrote, not before and it's a really interesting experience. That is what I was meant when I said I hoped the same for you.

Journaling is wonderfully therapeutic and having memories and stories in a collection is a wonderful thing.

Note from me to me, don't give writing advice when not reading own drafts:)

I'm just going to read your text now, I'll send you a private message with bits and pieces of info that probably everyone doesn't want to hear but may be interesting or helpful, even the practical things:)

You're welcome to take a look at mine too! Sometimes you can get ideas and feelings for what you do and don't want to do by glancing through another person's work,

Lu

Op what was the point of blanking out a word in the first line of the photo but leaving s and h visible...when if we read the next line we know it's swedish

I'm not sure on this, even your revised version is about a parent, it's not about you.

Is there a reason you're struggling to write about you?

Ok, hold up here all.

So we started with OP who is starting out in journaling and has asked for some advice.

Advice and opinions were shared on a personal aspect, with different viewpoints to think about. We had some practical advice on writing from others who write and a professional join us

... and then for some reason a few posters have jumped in with very bitchy comments.

May these people should try journaling, it can help get out anger without throwing it at random strangers!

OP, journaling is wonderful and yes, very therapeutic. You have every right to write what you want, to share publicly you have to consider a few more things as we are all discussing. It is your choice and your voice and a pp noted.

Also, it is for you. You will learn as you go, from writing well and writing things you look bag at and think are rubbish, from deleting Sweden only once and not twice , from discovering what feels right for you.

You will also learn that you can write many posts, you don't have to publish them all! So if it's just one or two that may be touchy, have them but don't necessarily share them if you think there will be trouble!

It is very therapeutic and I encourage you to go ahead, find your style and find your voice. Sometimes by writing we find our story and ourselves too.

Thank you so much @LuMarie for your very kind words, they meant a lot.
I appreciate the time and effort that people have taken in replying on this thread.

I think it's a great idea to write a journal, very cathartic. However, the fact you are writing it as a blog, and not a private diary, is because you are possibly hoping others will read it and enjoy your humorous take on what sounds like an off-the-wall life. In the process of writing about past events, you are going to hurt people, inadvertently or otherwise. So convert it to a work of fiction and anonymise everyone, or keep it for your eyes only.

@Emmageddon

I just change all names, including my own, as I didn't want to be googled!

On online blog is a really easy way to keep a personal journal. Editing, organising, adding photos, working on formatting etc, it's all part of the experience. There's nothing wrong with others reading it, it's interaction. It's not the primary purpose. The interaction is not a huge audience, it's just anyone may want to share with.

Unless I actually share the link, people don't come across mine (and oh my have I been googled!).

I like that I can easily share a particular story of something with someone if it happens to come up, maybe they are having a similar experience or wondering about something. It's not often I do that but if I locked it away I never could.

I am not planning on telling anyone in real life about the blog
But you already have - your mum. And she doesn’t like it.

I write, and so do a lot of my family. My aunt is quite a successful author. Her and my mum used to competitively and bitchily get novels published that attacked each other and randomly used each other's children as pawns. Like, I turned up, identifiably me in one of my aunt's books. I was killed by terrorists in the first few chapters. As in, blown to pieces, only identifiable by my jewelry (FYI, the book was also shite).

Um, have to say, I'm in the don't do it camp.

Besides that, I just think other people's lives aren't fair game. Sure, I use my experiences. There's part of me in every character good and bad - I don't have anyone else's experiences to go by. But I have a policy of no one real, no score settling good or bad by book.

Don't do it publicly. Join a writing class to scratch this particular itch. Doing so might also help you with your SPaG.