Can I have some help please?

[buddhasbelly]

Just seen a photo online showing dad's dad has a new baby.

He has not seen her in nearly 3 years. He was arrested for harassment and breach of the peace, was very abusive throughout before he left. He has never paid child maintenance. He was up in court again last year for trashing the mother of his new child's house. She obviously took him back.

I have no feelings for this man. I bent over backwards to enable him to see dd but he wasted every other opportunity.

I just feel very protective of dd right now. Is this normal? She has a half sister. I knew this would happen one day but the feelings associated with it have come as a shock.

Ffs dd's dad

Dd has her dad's surname also despite us not being married (told me when I was in the midst of prenatal depression that he would leave if I didnt do this). For some reason this makes me feel more... Something about it.

Sorry OP - but why would you bend over backwards for him to see your dd!? He sounds awful - I stay well clear if I was you and just concentrate on you and your dd?

(have you looked into a name change - can be done)

You are well rid. Delete anything that lets you see content showing him. Leopards don't change their spots .
Be thankful you have a lovely daughter and enjoy your world together without him in it.

This might be more about you than her? (though I understand why)

Address it & move on asap. If she's old enough to understand then explain to her that Dad now has a new family and maybe it will help him be a better person, maybe not; either way she's loved by you enough for 2. If not, leave it.

never an easy thing to address, good luck.

I don't know the full details but I know you can start using a different surname and then change officially when she's 18. Why not do that?

I wouldn't worry about the half sister. It's sad your DD won't know her but best her dad is out of her life. Perhaps when they are both older it will be possible for them to make contact.

What is it that you would like to happen now?

Just breathe a sigh of relief that he's out of your lives, and feel sorry for the OW

Thanks all for the replies.

To address a few things - he had court arranged contact prior to police charges. I was advised to be as amicable as possible prior to the final court arrangement being arranged. He would constantly change times, accuse me of harming dd, not show up, bully me on every drop off etc. When he was charged I drew the line that I had made every effort and it wasn't in dd's best interests to continue to do so.

I can't change her surname. I tried but in Scotland and they do not allow until 16 even in cases of abuse.

I think it's that it took a long time for me to accept that his behaviour was unacceptable and his treatment of me was horrendous. I thought it was all in my head as this is what he would tell me. I think seeing happy families being played out has made that rise up again?

I think this is more about me than dd as one PP said.

Yes I am very happy he is out of our lives. Life is much more peaceful now. Sorry I'm not sure why I'm posting I just feel odd.

And yes will make sure that any more photos will not be seen.

I think I just want to forget that I know tbh which isn't a healthy way to deal with thing a I know.

I think as well part of me is scared that he will try and walk back in with some sort of demand that dd meets her new sibling. I know this is unlikely but he was always so unpredictable in his actions.

I think it's normal to feel protective of your DD at this time. Us parents think so carefully abut the environment we want for our kids and it's hard when things like this happen and they're completely out of your control. It sounds though as if you've done a wonderful job or protecting her. Him being out of her life sounds by far the best outcome you could hope for.

I also don't think you need to worry about this right now (hard not to I'm sure). When your DD is older she'll have the choice to try to get in contact with her half sister. Right now there's nothing you can do and things will just go on as before.

Thank you