Feeling invisible as a SAHM....

[winterwonderly]

I'm currently a SAHM although not really planning for it to be a long term thing. It works for us all for now, but ideally I see myself getting back into employment next year when the youngest is around 18 months.

I don't know if I'm just being overly sensitive but I'm starting to feel really invisible in my relationship with DH and like my opinions don't matter, and I've never felt like this with him before. It's really silly and somewhat insignificant things, like I put on the heating for an hour this evening because it was cold, and got a really patronising remark when he realised it was on, because of course it was not cold enough to have the heating on.

It's not easy looking after 2 kids under 2, and some days can be a complete disaster, but on a day like today where we had a lovely day, managed an outing without any meltdowns, got home for naps, tidied up and made a nice dinner for DH and I, I was actually feeling pretty elated for the first time in a while....... and then get some stupid remarks from DH about the heating and it just brings me down, wondering why I bother, feeling unsupported and undermined.

This probably all sounds ridiculous to anyone else reading it, but I just feel like he's lost the respect for me and my decisions (however insignificant they may be) that he used to have, and I'm wondering if this is all because I'm now 'just a mum'?

Can anyone out there relate?

Yep, totally get you. My DH can be a patronising arsehole sometimes and he did not used to be. Luckily I can still take him down pretty easily (am better at arguing!) and don’t let him get away with it, but it’s still bloody annoying that he does it.

I do feel like quite a different person since becoming a SAHM and think I feel a little social shame almost in having no profession at the moment, so I could be picking up on comments or moments that feel patronising where before I would just have found them annoying.. maybe.

But if I think of myself like that then it wouldn’t surprise me if he did too. I know it’s a wrong view by the way.

Whose decision was it for you to be a SAHM?
That's not clear from the OP.
And put a sweater on.

I can't see any basis for you feeling he doesn't respect you.

Loads of people would think today wasn't cold enough to have the heating on. Unless he followed it with a comment that you were wasting "his" money, he wasn't unreasonable to air that opinion.

He told you that he realises how difficult your "job" is.

You want him to come in from 8/9/10 hours of work all excited that you feel positive and happy - what about his day?

It sounds like you're projecting because you don't value yourself as a SAHM.

The thing is if you were working and came home and put the heating on, would he have made the same comment? I'm guessing it's fairly likely, well if he's like my husband that is, it's just a heating thing with some folks.

So if he'd have said the same thing if you're working, then it means their is a bigger issue, why are you so sensitive and feeling unsupported or down in general.

Could you have some mild depression, or maybe staying home isn't for you, it would personally drive me nuts, so can you go back to work sooner?