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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being precious??

65 replies

codswallopandbalderdash · 19/06/2018 22:11

OK - DS starts primary school in Sept. Just been given loads of forms to complete over summer including one about giving consent for photography etc. No problem with giving consent generally i.e. for school website / school photo etc BUT have just realised local paper does a supplement containing pictures of all school starters which are also published online / for sale

I am really uncomfortable with this as think it is exploitative and simply a way for the paper to sell more copies / make money. Expect there is some sort of deal in place with LEA to allow access for photos. But I feel I am being forced into an impossible position. Give consent and my child's photo is published in a newspaper / online or don't give consent and my child gets upset because they are not included in group activity / treated differently.

Am I being precious? Over-thinking this? DH says I should't make a fuss. I wouldn't mind so much if DS was able to make an informed choice himself or there seemed to be a general reason for this (i.e. celebrating particular success). WWYD??

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 19/06/2018 22:32

Op, what is your concern exactly?

Original poster
codswallopandbalderdash · 19/06/2018 22:33

Anyway good to hear so many views. it helps get a perspective on it all. I just think its a weird thing to do and a bit out-dated to be honest.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 19/06/2018 22:33

It’s not weird or outdated at all.

BewareOfDragons · 19/06/2018 22:35

I think you're being precious.

But if you don't like it, don't let your child be in the picture. Job done.

EstrellaDamn · 19/06/2018 22:37

You're going to love school in general then!

In ours it's still 1986 - computers haven't been invented and they don't seem to realise that most mothers work.

This is a pick your battles situation!

swimmerlab · 19/06/2018 22:38

Our local paper is free.

I really don't see a problem with it.

Nicknacky · 19/06/2018 22:40

I love looking thorough the local papers and catching sight of them when the local photographer has been in for a school event.

Original poster
codswallopandbalderdash · 19/06/2018 22:41

Estrella -thanks - that made me laugh. I suspect you are right!

OP posts:
Blaablaablaa · 19/06/2018 22:42

Not weird, not outdated. Just a lovely thing to do. You're seriously overthinking it. It's just a picture so unless you have specific safety concerns I really wouldn't give it a second thought.

Thesearepearls · 19/06/2018 22:43

I read the thread title and I thought "I bet the answer to this is yes"

And so it transpires

Emmageddon · 19/06/2018 22:44

If you're uncomfortable with it, don't consent to it.

I love the various press clippings I've got of my DC over the years at various school events. I have them all in a family scrapbook and (all adult) DC love looking through their moments of fame.

But don't fret if it's not for you.

peoplearemean · 19/06/2018 22:44

That's weird I have never heard of this. My school won't even bloody email me a photo of my own child that I asked for because they aren't allowed to email photos. Ffs.

Durianfruit · 19/06/2018 22:45

I think it’s weird, tbh. My son’s school — ordinary village school — does nothing like this, and is in general very cautious about circulating photographs of the children. A child in my son’s class is a former LAC, and I gather thought to be at risk from his birth family, which may be why the school is particularly cautious.

JaniceBattersby · 19/06/2018 22:45

I had responsibility for organising the new starter photos at my paper for many years.

Fuck me, what a ball ache. The coordination involved was unreal.

Anyway, we sell about 100 extra copies and a few hundred photos so yes, there’s a few quid in it for us but not enough to compensate the photographers and reporter for the time it takes to organise it. We do it because we’re the local paper and we should record this stuff.

One year we didn’t do it and the backlash was ridiculous. I must have taken 100 calls to the newsdesk asking where it was.

Honestly, I don’t understand your vitriol towards the local press. We don’t hack phones, we dont doorstep people, we don’t make a shit load of money (the average reporter is in about 21k) and we try to improve the communities in which we live and work. There’s no big fat cats sitting there in a back room with an agenda and a massive bank balance. My newspaper company is millions in debt.

Most local journalists are genuinely in it to make life better for their communities and to give people who don’t have a voice a platform. That’s certainly the case in all the newsrooms I’ve worked in during the past 15 years. Don’t tar us with the brush of the national tabloids, which make up a tiny percentage of the newspapers in this country.

OhTheRoses · 19/06/2018 22:45

Well DS was in the papers when he was a few hours old. Then loads of other times. DD's first appearance was in the Camelford something or other with The Fat Controller aged 3. DS was the face of his school's marketing in about 2013 and appeared all over the prospectus and London buses.

The kids love it and what have you to hide?

HugeAckman · 19/06/2018 22:48

I'm pretty sure that my dc's school's photo consent form has tick boxes for the different types of/reasons for photos being taken and we tick the ones we are happy to consent to.

If I were you, I would sign the general consent form but separately inform the school that you don't want your ds to be photographed by the newspaper for the YR starters photos. After that has been taken of the others within the first couple of weeks of school, your consent will mean he can be included in other photos taken by school.

Would you mind photos of ds being taken for newspaper articles in the future, if it is for achievements? At least that wouldn't necessarily be an en masse group of photos of all the schools in the area. Although, prepare yourself for the school christmas play photos that are in local papers every December!

TheGreatCornholio · 19/06/2018 22:48

Is your child some kind of celebrity child prodigy that people will be falling over themselves to buy the paper if he is in it?

AttilaTheMusical · 19/06/2018 23:05

Am I being precious?

Honestly - yes, you are just a little bit. You don't have to buy the photo in the paper. You don't even have to buy the paper. Just forget about it and don't let it bother you. Nobody is going to be buying that newspaper and be looking at your dc's picture, they will have eyes only for their dc/grandkid.

Buy the official school photo instead, that's what we did. At least we did some years, other years we didn't much like them, other times dcs would take the forms into school and forget to hand them in.

RainbowGlitterFairy · 19/06/2018 23:11

You can just ask not to include him in that specific photo, you need to do it in writing but you can give and withdraw photographic consent at any point.

I warn you though, lots of children do talk about their photos being in the paper when they come out, so there is a chance he would wonder why he wasn't in it or feel left out. Everyone had forgotten after a couple of days though.

ReanimatedSGB · 19/06/2018 23:15

It's not done round here. It does seem a bit outdated and naff tbh. There are quite a few families where having the kid's photo in the paper is a serious risk, and while it's OK for there to be a few random snaps of a handful of kids (with the no-photos ones out of shot), doing a whole lineup of mugshots with only one or two per class left out is going to make those kids who are at risk feel miserable and singled out.

Notprecious · 19/06/2018 23:16

Wow!!!! Not precious at all; well maybe a little but I can see your point.

When I fill in the forms I usually say yes as it's hardly ever that they are in social media posts but I always put a note beside saying that refuse for my child to be photographed or filmed with any political figures. I often wonder what parents think when they are watching the local news and see their child as the focus of a piece on education with the leader of a political party they would never vote for and wholly disagree with their policies. I know thats a wee bit niche and my husband thinks its daft but I still do it.

My SiL always says no to photos and pisses off all the other parents in their small village school because "what if there is a cute photo of my kid and yours is in it and we'll never see it" but she doesn't have Facebook and the school does put ALOT on social media for the teeny size of it.

Maryann1975 · 19/06/2018 23:26

of all the things that have happened during my children’s education this is honestly not something I ever thought to worry about. It’s a photo in the local press, ours also send photos of the Christmas play and the children do pictures of their parents for mother’s day and Father’s Day which are also published. Nothing major and I’ve never spoken to a parent irl who has an issue with this.

Ohmydayslove · 19/06/2018 23:31

There’s a pic of me in the Lichfield gazette in 1964 as the child born during a very difficult winter and snow drifts so mum gave birth in the car.

We all survived.

I do honestly wonder what on Earth people worry about. All of our kids have been in the local paper over the years, all good Grin it’s loveky.

So sad peope see bad or potential bad in life’s simple pleasures.

Lifechallenges · 19/06/2018 23:33

I think you are over thinking it. And you’ll have far bigger issues once they start school lol

Durianfruit · 19/06/2018 23:39

Yes, Reanimated, that’s pretty much exactly the situation as I understand it at my son’s school. I only know about the child in his class because of play dates, but I assume there are, or have been, other children at risk at the school, as the policy didn’t seem to be new last year, when DS and his classmate entered Foundation.

I’m finding other people’s responses surprising.