AIBU to expect an ex boyfriend

[PollyMollyWally]

to delete intimate pictures of me after we've split up?

Well they're on his phone and you gave them to him....

As long as he doesn't use them against you.
Really sorry, never been in the situation. My ex lost all his pics just before we broke up...

I wouldn't be happy, but unsure what you can do. Meet him, nick his phone and delete yourself?

I wouldn’t necessarily expect him to delete them but I would expect them to remain completely private.

There's literally nothing apart from good will and decency to police this, hence the oft repeated advice not to do it.

Yanbu to hope that an ex would, but yabu to expect that it definitely would happen.

Well, he said he would delete, but the reason I know he hasn't is because someone I work with who knows him says he has seen the pictures

I would phone the non emergency police number and about your rights.

He's shown them to people, if he sends them to people or puts them on the internet, even worse.

They are clamping down on the 'revenge porn'

But if he's only showing people, is it still revenge porn? He hasn't put it online or on Facebook

Showing people can be classed as revenge porn.

I wonder why I ever let him take the pictures in the first place!

Do you have photos of him? I’m not saying show them to people but you could gently remind him of the fact that you have remained respectful etc

Just have a word with him about the law and if he continues to share with others you'll report him.

But yes no legal right for him to delete. Avoid in future

I believe it comes under the revenge porn laws from last year. It's illegal to share explicit photos without the consent of the person who is in them. I am not an expert but a quick trip to the police station to ask them to have a word might be the answer. Alternatively just tell him you're calling the police and he might behave. Sorry you're going through this.

If contact the police if that's what he's doing. Nasty bastard.

But what constitutes revenge porn? How explicit do the pictures have to be?

Don't take pics like this problem solved

I know of someone who sent pictures of his ex to her boss. The Police were involved.

@Whatshallidonowpeople that's extremely helpful

Urgh, my now boyfriend got sent pics like this from a guy a few months back, i went ape shit and made him end their friendship, he sent naked pictures and videos of his ex, no idea how long he'd had them but his ex was now married so quite a while! I would never, ever send a pic like that which is identifiable, i made the mistake of a pic in my bra ONCE, but my face wasn't in it so i had deniability if anything went bad. These days however, i just wouldn't do it, at all.

How can anyone go from respecting someone to the point of loving them and being intimate, to sharing around those kind of pictures, how can you end up disrespecting someone that much, especially if they didn't do anything like cheat etc.

I'm no expert but I'm sure having pictures of you even half naked and showing them to people constitutes as revenge porn. It's a vile thing for him to do and of course yanbu to expect him to delete them as soon as you split. Try not to beat yourself up about it, what's done is done but I would speak to the police.

To be honest, it wasn't my bf who took the pics. It was his mate, who persuaded him to persuade me to get undressed so the pictures could be taken while I was pissed. So probably nothing I can do

Drippppppo feeeeed

Drippppppo feeeeed
Sorry, but do you want all the graphic details?

Phone the non-emergency police and speak to them. Nobody here can help you. Ignore the victim blaming above.

Nah I’m good.

Well done on ensuring he is an ex. Creeps.

I would be going to the police and talking about revenge porn with them with regard your ex and his friend who took them - he might have given them to your ex but who knows where else he will have shared them...

Don't know if he will have put your real name with them or any other details but might be worth googling for them yourself. Do you have a copy of any of them that you could do a google image search on them to see if they come up elsewhere on the internet?

Sorry, but if there was a 'friend' involved that was the one who had the idea to do this, then I would bet there is a good chance that he did this because he wanted the images for himself to do stuff with - including posting elsewhere.

would your mutual friend be willing to say to the police that he had been shown then images?