To feel like this?

[Canshopwillshop]

Wasn’t sure where to post but I feel like I’m going mad and just can’t work out if my reaction is normal or not. Basically our much loved family cat is in vet hospital seriously ill with kidney problems and we don’t know if he’s going to make it. He’s only 8 and it’s been sudden and unexpected.

Since he went in yesterday morning I’ve been ridiculously anxious - tight chest, palpitations, stomach churning, crying on and off (not in front of DC) etc. I’m taking Kalms and Rescue Remedy and will probably drink lots of wine tonight too!

I know some will think ‘he’s just a cat’ but can I ask any cat owners out there if they think my reaction is normal or do I need to get a grip? My friend (who only has dogs) was sympathetic but I can tell she thinks I’m over-reacting.

I should say that I’m generally not v strong in these situations since losing my mum, dad and only sibling over the last 10 years. It feels like the grief flood gates are opening again! I am an emotional wreck and I dread to think how I’ll be if the worst happens. I’ll need to get my shit together for the children who will be devastated if he doesn’t make it. Be gentle with any replies please.

You are not over reacting. Our cat who was only 6 died 4 weeks ago unexpectedly and I was absolutely heartbroken. We don't have children and our cats are our world. They become part of your family and have their own little personalities. To add insult to injury, our cat wasn't insured with him being relatively young and healthy so not only did we lose our cat but we got a very large vet's bill to boot. 😔

He’s not just a cat. Of course yam I. I hope he gets better

YANBU not yam I

you are not overreacting. They're living creatures with souls and personalities. Hope your cat is OK

Without the backstory about losing your parents and sibling in the last ten years I would have said the reaction was slightly OTT.

But knowing that backstory, I think it makes sense really. This situation is opening old wounds and perhaps your reaction is 50% about your poor cat and 50% about the previous losses.

I think that asking the question at all is a good sign that you will be able to get a handle on this. Just allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and try to acknowledge all the causes of those feelings.

I am sorry for your losses and I hope that your cat makes it through.

YANBU hope your boy is ok x

Absolutely not unreasonable. I know there will be hard hearted, dead inside arseholes out there that will tell you 'it's just a cat.' But they are wrong.
I hope he gets better soon.

I had to work from home when my hamster died because I couldn't stop crying...

You've lived with him for eight years and he's part of your family. I don't understand people who wouldn't be dreading the idea of him not making it - THEY are the weird ones.

I hope everything turns out fine

Not at all, my cats my favourite family member by a country mile. I'd be an absolute wreck xx

There is no such thing as "just a cat". They are loved members of the family. Your reaction is normal. I had a week off work when my cat died, I was 7 when I got her and had her for 20 years. No one at work made negative comments.

When I lost my cat a couple of years ago, I said to my DH that the grief felt the same as when I lost my mum (10 years ago). It's opening up old wounds for you. IME it didn't last as long, and it was easier to navigate as I knew it wouldn't last forever but it's still horrible to go through, it really is.

Thank you so much everyone. Sat in tears reading your replies.
Pintsized - sorry about your cat. Our cat isn’t insured either. It’s going to cost a fortune which of course will be worth it if we get to bring him home.
Kiss - we get the biopsy results tomorrow lunchtime so we should know where we stand then. Here’s my beautiful boy (if I’ve managed to upload the photo!).

I am a dog owner with children too, YANBU! My pups are my babies! They are incredibly loving and a huge and wonderful part of my life! In your shoes I would be absolutely devastated! You have loved and taken care of, likely slept with and spent almost every day and night (for 8 years) since you first brought him home, with your cat. He might be a cat but much more than that, he is your family! You have every right to feel whatever you feel! Love is Love! If you lose him, it can hit just as hard as losing a ‘human’ family member!

You're not overreacting at all. I lost a stray we'd adopted (or more he'd adopted us) after we'd only had him a few years. Very sudden (which I think is worse having also had to watch a very slow decline and make the decision to PTS) and I felt the same as you. Continued to feel awful for a good while after he died too.

Be gentle to yourself. I hope all turns out ok

Kiss - yes he is a pedigree Bengal.

I have 3 children. And no significant bereavements recently. I’d still be a mess if DCat was ill. All the more so if there were big financial implications on top. We’ve had ours 8 years and would be extremely upset if she was sick. —largely because she was a rubbbish pet till recently—

Thanks again everyone. Your replies are v comforting - thought I was going a bit loopy! Going to drink a vat of wine tonight in an attempt to sleep and keeping everything crossed. The hospital he’s in is a bit like Supervet so I know they are doing everything possible.

You're not overreacting, our cat hurt himself last week and even just waiting in the vets to see if he'd broken his leg or not I felt anxious. DH was in bits when his old cat was unwell and had to be put to sleep, even though the cat was 20 and his quality of life was deteriorating. I always tell DH he moved in with me and the cat, pets love us unconditionally, provide comfort and companionship, they are definitely a family member. I really hope he is ok OP xx

Mirrivan - thank you. Never thought of things that way.