To think no matter what I do, it's not enough

[bigbluehouse]

I just feel SO fed up.

Everything I do seems like it's wrong or it's not enough.

Work are asking so much of me. Then when I'm not at work, everyone wants to talk to me about work.

When I'm at home, my partner complains I don't show him enough affection.

When I'm not at home, or childminder tells me our son is spoiled because he won't hold his own bottle or feed himself at 11 months, whilst the 8 month olds are doing it all themselves. He also still wakes 2 times a night so I'm tired. The health visitor is telling me I'm giving him too much milk.

Where do I get a break. Surely one fucking thing in my life must be enough to please someone.

I’d be looking for new childcare for starters.

Why are people trying to talk to you about work all the time after work?

Your partner wants affection. Does he show you affection?

Why does the HV think your son is having too much milk? Do you agree?

Is your childminder really saying your child is spoiled. In a serious not jokey way?

You sound awfully passive. You can tell people to go away you know. You can ignore people.

If your baby is bottle fed why on earth is it you getting up twice in the night? Why not take turns? One night he does it, one night you do it, so everyone gets the odd good night's sleep.

You sound like a new mum who is exhausted and is trying to please everyone except herself. That's no way to live. The art of not giving a fuck is liberating.

He does help on a weekend but he starts work at 3am in a dangerous job throughout the week so I get up.

I thought I was a first time mum doing an ok job but apparently not!!

And the milk thing, I don't think he's having too much, but he DOES rely on it to fall asleep

Your childminder sounds awful

11-month-olds can't be 'spoiled' what bullshit! Honestly, if you have the option to find another childminder do, then that's one less person making you feel crappy.

I agree you need to think about what affection DH shows you, and also is this an ongoing thing or him having difficulty adapting to you having a baby and you giving baby more attention?

It sounds to me as if you're doing a great job of "pleasing" the most important person- your baby

While I can't comment on your work or relationship, I do want to say that HVs talk a load of rubbish, imo. Advice seems to be anecdotal, usually contradicting and often blanket/one size fits all regardless of what's in front of them (sorry to any HVs here), and your childminder needs to keep that kind of opinion to herself. Your son is hardly going to be hand fed when he's an adult, is he?! As long as YOU are happy with things, ignore everything else.

Sounds like everything is just getting on top of you, which is completely understandable with a stressful job and sleep deprivation. Try not to pile everything together in your mind (as I often do), as the result is always worse than the sum of its parts! If that makes sense...

I feel you, I really do. I could have written this post myself. Nothing I do feels good enough.

Look for a new childminder, she does not sound good!

I bet you are exhausted! I remember feeling that way, I felt awful all the time. Your dp needs to be enabling you getting some sleep, at some point. Weekends or days off maybe?

Just do your best at work and try not to be too down about it. Things will look up when you start getting more sleep.

I’d be looking for new childcare for starters.

This. Your childminder sounds awful. As for work you just had a baby under a year ago you must still be settling in and getting back in your swing (and they don't sound very supportive). Have you spoken to your partner about how you feel?

sounds like you're doing a grand job without a lot of support.

Thank you all for your kind words.. feel like everything's just got on top of me.

I could run away! 😩

Agree with the 'get a new childminder' comments, that was a ridiculous thing to say about an 11 month baby and especially and first time mum.

Tell work you will not be anaswering calls outside of 'office hours'. Switch your phone off. Or do an my DH does and temporarily block the work number.

Tell your DH how you feel. Tell him you feel overwhelmed and pulled in all directions.

Is it possible for you to take a few days annual leave. You don't have to go anywhere, but just recharge your batteries.

Do you have a cleaner, if you can afford one. Just anithrt thing off this list and an instbat 'zen' feeling when you walk through the door and see a clean place.

Lastly, don't be too hard on yourself. You have a new baby and a demanding job. You are doing great. Tell yourself that sometime.

How long have you been back to work? You sound exhausted/low and I think that is actually normal for someone who isn't getting regular sleep.

Do you have family around? Sounds like your childhood wants your baby independent so less work for her!!

Yeah your childminder sounds crap. My dd is 11 months and has only just started to use a cup but there's no way I could just give her one and leave her with it! You're not doing a bad job OP x

Babies do everything at their own pace. There's no rush d it's n9f a competition. My dgs was probably 3 before he gave up the milk, andmy son would never hold his bottle himself.

Anyway she should be pleasing you not vice versa. She's the hired help.

And you need a holiday. Can't your parents or ILs help out?

I think it's really normal to feel like this sometimes. I know I do!

Yes, what everyone else said about the childminder. My 8mo isn't sitting totally yet and has only just started eating food really (obviously he's been offered it for a couple of months), wonder what she'd make of him! He's my third though so (and I don't mean this to be patronising at all, just supportive) it's all water off a duck's back when people comment!

Totally agree with NoLonger about HVs. I have had one good one, the rest were exactly as described!

I think things will feel better when you are getting more sleep. I'm finding things hard myself at the moment but I do know that some of that is sleep deprivation. for you.