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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I over reacting?

55 replies

Lurkingnow · 19/06/2018 16:42

I've named changed because this could be possibly outing.

Sorry for the essay Blush

Last week some who I work with caused me to have a panic attack.
He basically blocked my only exit & placed a lot of heavy cages (in warehouse) around me & locked them together so I was unable to get out/move them. I thought he was just joking but then he actually left me there & didn't come back so I was stuck! I ended up quite upset (as claustrophobic) someone managed to get me out afterwards.

His manager had a word & although I didn't make a formal complaint he told him he could have been in serious trouble if I had.
He apologised & said he was mortified that he made me cry but it was actually really funny.Hmm
We made amends & it was a joke that went too far.

Yesterday the 1st thing he said to me was "I thought about buying you a rape alarm, but forgot" then laughed.

I told him that it was a pretty insensitive thing to say & it wasn't funny.
He KICKED OFF! Swearing, saying I was being dramatic & I was just too delicate, didn't know how to take a joke. Then he told me to fuck off.
Bear in mind this all happened where customers are present. So someone could have over heard everything.

I feel like quitting my job, I'm dreading going to work tonight because he'll be there. Sad

Was I right to have called him out on what he said? He's literally making me doubt myself.

OP posts:
Cabbages97 · 19/06/2018 17:21

OP WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN (everything he has done to do)
Date it
Keep your own copy
and hand it into your boss first thing tomorrow morning and REPORT HIM - PLEASE!

Poor you, this is outrageous

Notevilstepmother · 19/06/2018 17:21

Speak to hr. This is past joking it’s bullying.

CremeBrulee · 19/06/2018 17:23

Approach HR and make a formal complaint through them. If your managers can't cope with this s, take it out of their hands. What you are describing is a campaign of harassment and it is escalating.

Knittedfairies · 19/06/2018 17:24

What happened to you is not a joke nor banter. Report him.

Cabbages97 · 19/06/2018 17:26

Also, if you are uncomfortable about your immediate line manager then go to their boss / direct to the Chief executive or head of the company. If you write a formal complaint they WILL have to take it seriously and that includes protecting you from repercussions or feeling embarrassed.

Believe me you will feel so much better when you have told them.

Ps in this line of work is there a union? If so phone your local branch out of hours number tonight and seek urgent advice, before submitting your complaint in writing tomorrow morning.

Be strong OP, you are 100% in the right.

TERFragetteCity · 19/06/2018 17:27

You absolutely have to report his; write the whole lot down including his verbal abuse yesterday.

LoveProsecco · 19/06/2018 17:28

How awful. This is not jokes but he is cleverly trying to disguise it at this to continue harassing you. How behaviour is escalating and your employer has a duty to protect you from harassment.

As someone suggested up-thread, write this all down and log a complaint tomorrow

Allabitmuchisntit · 19/06/2018 17:29

He’s a right dick. And he’s saying all the right things to make you THINK you’re over reacting. Do not take his shit a moment longer. If you can get a witness willing to stand with you and back you up, all the better. Report report report.

EndOfEternity · 19/06/2018 17:30

You need to formally report him.

worstmotherintheworld · 19/06/2018 17:30

I don't think you are overreacting at all. The man who is doing this sounds vile and the workmates who thought it was funny sound ignorant and stupid. You should report this as it goes much further than acceptable fun or banter.

timeisnotaline · 19/06/2018 17:30

You are UNDERREACTING to being unacceptably bullied. Formal complaint to hr, where you describe these two incidents and say you have realised there is an escalating pattern of bullying behaviours making you increasingly uncomfortable in your job and list events and approx dates. Then notify your manager you no longer feel safe in the workplace and have had to formally complain to hr re x, cc hr.

Original poster
Lurkingnow · 19/06/2018 17:31

Thank you for all your advice, I've taken it all on board & I'll pluck up the courage to discuss it with my manager then go from there. He'll just move on to the next person if nothing is done, & I don't want to let that happen.

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 19/06/2018 17:31

He sounds dangerous. So sorry you have to deal with this, how awful. Yes report him. And get support. Flowers

maskingtape · 19/06/2018 17:32

Formal complaint. I'd have been massively panicking if I'd been trapped in.

Candlelight123 · 19/06/2018 17:33

Report both incidents formally, he is victimising you.
If he ever loses his temper with you again, lose yours right back at him and shout you will not tolerate his bullying and victimisation of you.
Also if there is a laddish culture start looking around for a new job Flowers

Moononthehill28 · 19/06/2018 17:35

I agree with others you need to make a formal complaint. This man sounds seriously unhinged. It’s absokuteky not acceptable. If you don’t report him he will do it to someone else. Don’t be a pushover.

Cabbages97 · 19/06/2018 17:35

Well done OP. But do make sure you formally record this and don't just speak off the record or casually to your manager. If it gets worse or happens again you need to be able to back everything up with evidence, and your manager needs to pull their finger out and do something, which they will have to do if it is formally noted.

So email them formally to request a meeting, and outline your concerns and the incidents in the email.

CanuckBC · 19/06/2018 17:35

You are definitely under reacting. If you reported the locking you up with cages incident to the police I am sure it would be taken seriously. What if there had been a fire? Or other incident in the work place that had required you to evacuate? You couldn’t have! He illegally restrained you🤬.

He is harassing you and you are fearing for your safety. He is controlling and trying to put he fear in you. He made it so you couldn’t move and is now saying you should have a rape alarm, WTF!!!

Report report report. If your work doesn’t take it seriously enough take it higher, outside of your work place. In Canada we have outside places that will investigate workplace harassment if needed. You have to have something similar there?!?

Takethemdown · 19/06/2018 17:36

Write it down. It looks awful written down and there is no way it can be taken as a joke then.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 19/06/2018 17:37

I would freak the fuck out if anyone trapped me ANYWHERE!!!! I am also claustraphobic, but even aside from that, imagine if there was a fire?
He's taking it far too far with you. Record everything. As a complete and utter last chance for him, what about telling him that your willing to draw a line under it & work together civilly as long as he plays no more pranks? If he reacts to that with any negativity whatsoever or reneges on it then take him to the cleaners!!!

Original poster
Lurkingnow · 19/06/2018 17:41

It's retail so we're all a mix of ages, majority very early 20s even management. Trying not to out myself but probably done that already, I'm late 20s & he's 10 years older (& a father) so should know better really.

OP posts:
Jimmers · 19/06/2018 17:44

Agree with previous poster... don’t have an informal chat with manager. As scary as it may feel, this needs to be written down as a formal complaint & discussed as such. Include any “banter” from others about how hilarious they found you being trapped (health & safety breach as a minimum there).

Be strong. You are in the right here. You might perceive the majority to be joining in the “banter”, but it might be that they are caught up in this knobhead’s bullying ways & just join in for a quiet life. Or it could be that they’re all entitled twattish knobheads. Either way, no-one should have to put up with their behaviour.

Union rep if you have one for advice, or ACAS if you don’t.

Good luck x

crapp · 19/06/2018 17:44

it sounds terrible.

i agree with cabbages.

it all needs to be recorded and noted down formally in case anything happens in the future. i wouldn't speak off the record to the manager or informally either, i think it needs to be done formally.

good luck.
for what it's worth i think ur doing the right thing.
x

crapp · 19/06/2018 17:45

lol that's weird almost like a jinx with us saying the same thing! good luck either way :)

timeisnotaline · 19/06/2018 19:17

Don’t go off the record. If you have verbal conversations you send an email summarising what was discussed. And don’t engage with him at all. If he approaches you just say I think it’s best we leave this to he, it’s too late for us to talk it through.