Father at dcs school...

[bitzy12]

So I'm friends with a guy on Facebook that I used to go to school with. It so happens that his daughter goes to my dcs primary school - she's in the year below my dd.

Anyway, he posted something on fb the other day and it's really pissed me off. Him and the mother of his daughter are no longer together, they've been separated ages now and don't have the best relationship - I only know this as he plasters it all over Facebook all of the time. Constantly slating her as a mother and how she never puts her dd first etc etc....

His latest rant was about the fact that there was a Father's Day event going on at school last week and the his ex failed to inform him and now he won't be able to go as he can't get the time off work at such short notice.

I'm sorry but imo, why should she inform him? Our school is great at communication and there have been 2 emails sent out about it and posters put up around the school (he regularly does drop offs and pick ups so surely he would of seen it). Someone asked him if he got the emails about it and he said he doesn't receive any communication off school about what's happening etc but that's not the point apparently.....she should of told him.

I just feel like commenting saying 'why don't you act like an adult and register your details with the schools communication system, then you would miss anything.....instead of slagging the mother of your child off all over fb....'

I can't say I know the mother well, in fact I don't know her at all so I can't comment on what she's like but yeah....just pisses me off that he has this view of how it's up to the mothers to inform the fathers of everything.

It's 5 days later and he's still banging on about it now. Clearly he still has feelings for her but I just want to comment and say 'Shut uppppppp' but I won't. Im defo gonna delete him though.

Does anyone else think the mother should of told him? Tbf, maybe she's just as bad and she purposely didn't tell him....if that's the case then I feel very sorry for this little girl.

Just unfollow him - he sounds like a knob.

But no, I wouldn't be commenting or getting involved!

Why can't you say anything to him? Someone needs to!

Unless there's a lot more to it, YANBU.

DS2 had a class assembly last week. I didn't mention it to my ex as he says he checks the school website and gets emails from them (yet doesn't seem to know most of what is emailed out). It's his responsibility to check - we have discussed and agreed this, I'm not being snarky to spite him. Surprise surprise, he hadn't known anything about it (as it was he couldn't have come anyway). Not my fault and he certainly wouldn't be posting bile on FB about me over it!

I think i would post in a ‘helpful’ way that this type of thing could be avoided by registering his details with the achool, then unfriend

Cannot bear people who go into detail about their relationship breakdown on fb. Fair enough a ‘in case anyone didn’t know me and so and so have separated, but everything’s ok’ status or whatever but i’ve deleted people before now who do the ‘it is so hard being a single parent esp when SOME MEN are USELESS’ type updates. Factually these statements are correct but save it for when yr in the pub with your inner circle thanks love.

He does sound like a knob. I'd probably unfollow although I would be tempted to tell him how to get on the school mailing list. Facebook can end up as a bit of an echo chamber and he might get the impression everyone agrees with his stupid rants.

Send him a link to the school calendar/ newsletter.

Yeah, my ex is the same. It has been a long haul but he is (almost) there now. He thinks I'm his secretary and should organise his life for him. Ermmm....nope! No longer married!

For what it's worth, the school has a legal obligation to share information with a person who has Parental Responsibility (often the cry of 'just ask the school' is met with 'she told them not to communicate with me') and will simply add you to e-mail and/or texting lists if required.

Our school only contacts one email address/mobile number per child. So my husband never receives comms from the school. This is the case even if the child has separated parents. I know a dad at the school found it really frustrating as he needed to rely on ex for comms. They had a good relationship so it was ok but he still found it really annoying.

Have no idea if your old friend is generally a bit of a twat but I think he has a point on this. His ex will know he doesn't receive comms so why wouldn't she pass on the message - it is the child who misses out.

I just feel like commenting saying 'why don't you act like an adult and register your details with the schools communication system, then you would miss anything.....instead of slagging the mother of your child off all over fb...

Do that. Then block the dick.

Well I suppose I could but I don't really want to get involved. A couple of mums (surprise surprise there with the mums!) have told him that he should register with the school but no one has told him he's being an absolute knob. He just said he will look into it.

There maybe a lot more to it, I don't have a clue. He's making it out to be the fact that she hasn't let him know but the way he's gone on about it alllll weekend suggests there's maybe more to it. I just feel for this little girl, I can just imagine him saying to her 'sorry I missed Father's Day celebrations at school, your mum didn't tell me about it'

But yeah unfollowing all the way 👍🏻

Make your life immeasurably better by just deleting facebook entirely.

I would just comment "Did you know that if you register your e-mail address/mobile phone number with the school they will message you about what's on? rather than expecting your ex to be your social secretary

I have this weird problem with builders/plumbers etc where they seem to all start slagging their wives/ex wives off to me and expect sympathy. I used to listen, but now I just smirk and say "I'd like to hear her side of the story" then walk off.

I'd post a link to the school newsletter online and then unfriend him.

Our school only adds one email address per child, is that the case in your school? But I agree that he would have seen the posters around in any case or asked the teacher / reception staff.

Pretty shocked at schools who will only allow one address or number.. Its pretty common these days to have separated parents. It doesn't cost more to add an extra address to an email and completely removes the onus from the RP to act as secretary to an ex.

Make your life immeasurably better by just deleting facebook entirely.

^^this

Although I've done a modified version of that. I've unfollowed all friends and just see the school FB page and two local selling/discussion sites on my newsfeed. They're quite handy.

No, at our school, you can have both parents email addresses....also we have an app where you can check everything that's happening....

But honestly, the posters were enough to give it away anyway. I think there were up at least 2 weeks before and he's done regular drop offs/collections in that time.

Like I say, I don't know the mother so I can't comment on what she's like. But I do know she works full time and probably has enough on her plate as it is without being his secretary.

Anyway I've unfollowed now so I won't be seeing anymore of it. I would of said something if others hadn't, hopefully he will sort it out but I bet he won't....that gives him one less reason to moan about the mother of his daughter then :-/

Unless you're in the situation you don't know the reality.

My family is blended. My DH and my sons father are both registered with DS and DSS schools for communications.

However neither get nearly as much communication as I do, nor as DSS's mum does. You are completely dependent on the competence of the person sending the emails, messages or letters to know/ensure that split parent families get two sets of communication. The systems they use just don't seem to cope or cater for these scenarios.

Five times in the last 18 months. Yes five times my DH has been into school to discuss/register/complain that he hasn't been getting all of the messages. That doesn't take into account that many letters get sent home in the school bag and go to DSS's or DS's respective other parent, depending on who has contact that particular day.

It's totally dependant on both parents regularly communicating on school events. And not all parents have that quality of relationship. It's fine to take the moral high ground and say it's his responsibility. But that high ground comes at the expense of a child missing out and being isolated from his/her peers at these events.

In the situation you describe that little boy will be sat watching his friends with their dad whilst he is alone. Heartbreaking. All because his parents didn't communicate.

Our school also only added one email per child when mine started and we made a big stink about it. (It's a problem as it assumes parents are together and that there is only one carer.) Apparently it does cost to add more than one set of contact details as they use a service that will send emails and text messages, but when pressed they accepted it was a cost they need to budget for.

He's an adult, it's his responsibility not his exes.

YANBU but why do schools insist doing 'father days' or 'mother days' things?! in this day and age with so many family set ups it is bound to make children and/or parent(s) sad

All these School saying only one parent can have the info are not going along with the doe guidance

Just unfriend him and block him. Then you won't have to put up with his BS. Don't give him any more headspace.

@FrenchJunebug totally agree. My dcs dad lives 2 hours away. So they had no one there, it really can make things quite difficult and awkward for some children and can cause them unnecessary upset. But anyway....like I say, unfollowed. It just frustrates me that there are parents out there (not always the fathers I know) that just expect everything off the other parent. Rant over :-)