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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sailing boat

54 replies

LovelyBath77 · 19/06/2018 09:05

DH is into sailing. He has done up a little Lysander (kit boat from the 1960s). It looks lovely, we go sailing on it around Poole and Brownsea island, which is fine and the boys love it too.

Now, he is thinking of getting another one. This time it is a Folkboat en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nordic_Folkboat which is a bit bigger. Which I think is nice, it is not expensive either as he plans to get a sound one and do it up like the other one.

The thing which worries me though is he seems to have quite ambitious plans for us going e.g. across the channel, to Guernsey, the Isle of Wight and Holland! I am stressed about this, AIBU?

I'm happy enough pottering about on the small one and feeling really stressed about it.

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Motortrader · 19/06/2018 11:20

He can go doing risky things himself but not with the children unless he is qualified and even then not sure if would agree.

So learn yourself. You don't need to be brilliant, just competent enough to keep the DC safe in coastal waters is he goes OB.

And, yes, I think the DC learn learn to enjoy risk.

Original poster

LovelyBath77 · 19/06/2018 11:21

Seriously thinking of telling him not to get it, now. With the Lysander it is smaller and would need to stick to the shore. I don't think he is experienced enough or aware enough of the risks. Wonder about those things you attach yourself to the boat with to stop people falling in.

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Original poster

LovelyBath77 · 19/06/2018 11:23

But maybe could do a day skipper course. We'll see. I need to trust him more perhaps. But the incident with the Poole ferry scared me.

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Taytotots · 19/06/2018 11:25

We are the other way around. I am the sailor and my husband is reluctant. Ultimately we sold our 24ft boat as he just wasn't happy going away in it and I didn't want to just potter close to shore. What I would suggest is sone training for you rather than/as well as DH. Then you might feel a bit more confident. You could do a family course with the boys. You can start with small trips and then build up to going further away. Another way for DH to get experience would be to volunteer with a sail training project - I recommend the Ocean Youth Trust - their south office is close to you. Really good for getting experience with channel crossing etc under supervision. Folk boats are great boats but will need a lot of maintenance so factor time in - although sounds like that is part of the fun.

Motortrader · 19/06/2018 11:29

Wonder about those things you attach yourself to the boat with to stop people falling in.
You mean a jackstay, or any anchor point. I am the first person to clip on if I I think there is a risk. I don't want to go overboard, especially if if think that I am leaving a distressed relative or friend behind me.

Original poster

LovelyBath77 · 19/06/2018 11:30

Thanks Tay

Glad to hear it sounds like a sound kind of boat. it looks very pretty.

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FairfaxAikman · 19/06/2018 11:30

VHF is your basic radio. GMDSS stands for Global Maritime Distress and Safety Signal, which is another radio qualification.

Original poster

LovelyBath77 · 19/06/2018 11:30

Thanks Motor, that is a good point. I will look into those.

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JerushaAbbott · 19/06/2018 11:34

I don't think risk is a bad thing - we face it every day in our normal life, after all. It's the appropriate skills, experience and equipment that's the thing.

We sail as a family and our children have grown up sailing. They're adults now; they still love it, and we've had some really memorable, enhancing experiences on our boat (both fantastic and not so fantastic!).

I was very much an anxious non-sailor in the beginning, and I used to get desperately seasick. I also had a concern about our children seeing me as dependent on my partner, and having to take instruction from him. Learning to sail with other people rather than with him changed everything for me, and my children saw that I overcame something which I found challenging and frightening; I love it now and I think it's empowered me.

Original poster

LovelyBath77 · 19/06/2018 11:36

Thanks Fairfax

Jerusha, that is good. Can I ask, where do you sail in the boat, out to sea in it?

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Motortrader · 19/06/2018 11:36

Lovely,

Honestly, you'll be OK. Check your life insurance, but otherwise, relax.

Uncreative · 19/06/2018 11:42

You are sorted for birthday and Christmas presents for the next few years - get him to pass the ICC (international certificate of competence - think it is required for sailing in some parts of europe). That should give you more confidence in him.

However, in sailing, the key is experience. You are always learning about the conditions of the boat/sea/weather. Doing the RYA courses will give him the experience.

Save Guernsey until the last - the waters can be surprisingly tough. The other places, I would consider ‘safe to sail’ after complete a day skipper course.

I’m a little out of date but I think that Yacht Master is sufficient to captain commercially. If he has that, I think you will be reasonably safe (assuming he isn’t a massively crazy risk taker with a death wish).

JerushaAbbott · 19/06/2018 11:43

Similar places to you at weekends, and various places in the Solent. Longer trips around the IOW, across to Brittany/Normandy, Channel Islands, northern Spain, Cornwall, Channel Islands etc. We've also chartered in the Med and the Adriatic. Haven't tackled further afield though - maybe when we retire!

Ours is a bit bigger though - 36' - as I like a bit of comfort :)

Uncreative · 19/06/2018 11:43

Forgot to say - I would do the Isle of Wight and Holland before Guernsey.

BarbaraofSevillle · 19/06/2018 11:45

yes I do feel much safer when in sight of land

It's not just sight of land that makes it safer, if you're in a sheltered bay, the sea conditions can be massively different to out at sea 'proper'.

I scuba dive and have only a passing awareness of the rules and behaviour of the sea, but one thing I do know is that just because it's all calm in the estuary or close to the coast, it doesn't mean it is in the open sea.

On the last trip we did, we had to stay close to the coast - the first dive we did was just out into open sea before the conditions got worse and it was horribly rough, despite it being flat calm in the Sound, because the headland provided shelter from the wind and there was protection from the breakwater.

I certainly wouldn't want him going sailing across the channel without properly understanding how to assess sea conditions, decide when it is and isn't safe, how to navigate and how to know where you area, how call for help if necessary, or how to deal with other marine traffic (I think the English Channel is one of the busiest shipping lanes in the world and is used by very big ships who won't see tiny sailing boats and won't be able to move out of their way either).

Motortrader · 19/06/2018 11:46

No, these days the Yacht Master is exchangeable for the ICC. You need something else to captain a commercial vessel (I've forgotten what).

Original poster

LovelyBath77 · 19/06/2018 11:51

Ok, yes he is on about Guernsey as he has family there, good to know about the rough seas. Isle of Wight sounds a better option. to start with Thanks.

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Original poster

LovelyBath77 · 19/06/2018 11:52

Yep Barbara that is my gut feeling about open sea and the Channel too, glad to see it is not just my anxiety.

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Original poster

LovelyBath77 · 19/06/2018 11:53

I read his beginners book to sailing too and it said sailing boats are only Ok in quite calm waters anyway, might rule out too much out to sea action (thinks hopefully)?

can you take them on ferries to go places to avoid the channel issue perhaps

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specialsubject · 19/06/2018 12:02

if you don't even know what VHF is then you are in danger if something happens to him. If there is more than one person on the boat then more than one person needs to be competent.

there was a well publicised case when Chris Evans and his mates were on a boat. The skipper was knocked overboard and no-one else knew anything at all about sailing or even how to operate the radio. Fortunately they were in mobile phone range and were eventually rescued. Except the skipper who died because the rescue came too late.

this isn't a matter of anxiety, it is basic sea sense. You get trained or this trip doesn't happen. If your husband is fit to sail he needs to understand this.

or take another sailor along.

JerushaAbbott · 19/06/2018 12:12

I agree with SpecialSubject - someone else on the boat needs to be competent in case something goes wrong, even if you're 'just' pootling around Poole, especially since you have kids with you. I really think it's worth you getting yourself some training, and then you'd also be able to have a more informed conversation with your husband about it - you'd have a better idea of what's reasonable and what isn't.

Uncreative · 19/06/2018 12:33

I agree with the previous advice - if he is serious about this, you should spend a weekend doing a competent crew course so you would know the basics if he were to have a heart attack etc. It may also make you have more confidence in his ability as you learn about it yourself.

Eddierussett · 19/06/2018 13:09

Agree with others that you should at least do competent crew yourself. If you look at flotilla companies they always insist on one day skipper and one competent crew minimum (at easy resorts) in case something happens to the skipper. You need to be able to take basic safety actions in case of crisis.

Full ocean master a bit overkill but coastal skipper for DH seems sensible.

And have the boys done any courses? At their ages they could easily do rya youth sailing courses in dinghies which would mean they understand more about how sailing works (and they are fun to do in their own right as a week of summer holiday!!). The older one could even do powerboat level 2 (technically so could the younger one but fewer places do them under 12).

scaryteacher · 19/06/2018 13:55

OP Not diving in terms of wetsuits no- think more in terms of a black tube powered by a nuclear reactor!

I sailed with dh a couple of times - once cross channel from Plymouth to Lézardrieux in a yacht race with a team who knew what they were doing. I swapped night watches and pulling on a kicking strap (whatever that is) for being in charge of the galley. That suited me far more. I did not enjoy the experience, and would now only venture onto a yacht that had a stewardess, didn't tilt at odd angles, and where the heads didn't block so I had to pee in a bucket for the passage back to UK.

Original poster

LovelyBath77 · 19/06/2018 14:18

OK- I will definitely considering getting him to teach me or doing a day skipper course myself. I can see my anxiety might make things worse, it would be better to be trained and then maybe be less anxious. And yes the boys have done a bit with school and there is a sailing club on the way into Bristol where we used to keep another boat- they can go there for some lessons. Thanks for the advice, it is helpful.

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