AIBU to think you don't tell people what birthday present to buy you?

[SirHubzALot]

Name changed as could be outing.

Friend has milestone birthday coming up and his DP is arranging a party via Facebook group invite.

He has stated on the invite that as gifts, guests should give cash or vouchers for driving lessons as friend has not yet learned to drive.

He has also stated that guests who can't attend the party should still buy vouchers as their choice of gift.

DP of friend has just updated Facebook invite to request that guests now message him with the amount they are each contributing.

I can barely tolerate this kind of grabby behaviour on wedding invites but I don't mind as I understand that newly married couples don't need a lot of stuff.

AIBU to think that this kind of request for a birthday party is a step too far and:
a) it's grabby to just presume guests will be buying a gift (even though they probably all would!)
b) it's even ruder to tell people what to buy as said gift
c) telling people to give cash as a gift is beyond rude?

Yeah that's pretty poor behaviour

May be ok to suggest IF you want to get a gift for x, he would love money/voucher towards driving lessons. But to ask you to tell party organiser how much you are ‘contributing’ !!? That’s rude and nosy.

Rude. I would do it to immediate family and ask what kind of present they would like but wouldn’t dream of dictating to friends or guests

How many flipping lessons is he planning? And what vouchers?

He has also stated that guests who can't attend the party should still buy vouchers as their choice of gift.

hahahaha

FFS I've never heard such nonsense.

I was wondering if I'm out of touch and this is how birthdays are done now. Glad to know it's not.

How many flipping lessons is he planning? And what vouchers?

Good question! I don't think he's though about this. Hence he's now asking guests to tell him how much they've contributed.

Many of these guests are casual acquaintances and even friends of friends that are attending. People who would probably bring a card or bottle of wine at most. The minimum driving lesson voucher is £10.

It would be ok if someone asked you what you want. Other than that, no. I don't like birthday parties for myself, but if I were to throw one, is just be happy for people to some and celebrate with me. A gift would be appreciated but not necessary.

Rude rude rude

I’d just give a card on principle and buy them a drink on the night. Really close friends and family if they ask yes but that’s just bad taste.

Maybe tbey thpughy it was a helpful thing to do for both sides. But i can see how it comes across rude

I can just imagine your friend’s face when she finds out what her dick DH has done! 😲 😳

Not rude if it’s presented as a suggestion , but in this instance seems a bit too presumptuous and does fine across rude.

If I know someone well enough to be buying a birthday pressy (or if they are family obviously) I always ask "what would you like for your birthday?". If the answer was money to pay for driving lessons then that's what I would probably do - and depending on person maybe a small joke present like a Hot Wheels car or a Ladybird Book of Cars or something.
However the way this is being requested sounds odd.