To ask if avoiding pregnant friends works?

[ApplesTheHare]

Currently struggling following and now coming to terms with the fact we probably won't have another dc. We are incredibly lucky to have our DD, but it breaks my heart to think of her as an only child as she's constantly asking for someone to play with. I'm really struggling to spend time with friends and family who are expecting, and a friend has recently got in touch to say half the people going to her (v. small) wedding are pregnant and she'll understand if I can't face it. I'm really not sure what to do.

I don't know if I'm saving my sanity by avoiding all the pregnancy chat or just slowly pushing people away...

That must be incredibly difficult for you but it sounds as though your friend is very understanding of how you feel. I think you are putting off the inevitable, you will be around pregnant people at some point and it would be a massive shame to miss your friends wedding. However that's easy enough for me to say when I'm not in your situation. If you feel like it's too raw for you right now, it sounds like your friend will understand

I'm in a very similar situation to you, but it's my friends who are all pregnant. 6 of them who I see all the time in fact. I can't avoid them but it does break my heart. I just smile and go home to have a little cry in private. I don't want them to want to hide their happiness for me, but it's a horrible situation with no right answer.

Grumblepants it's awful isn't it. So sorry for you being in this horrible situation too. It sounds like you're being incredibly strong. I'm ok around random pregnant people at work, etc., but in close proximity to friends and family I start to shake and my heart rate goes through the roof. It feels like a panic attack is unavoidable and I have to leave. I'm on a waiting list for counselling atm because obviously this can't go on forever.

I think that once you start avoiding your pregnant friends, it’s a very slippery slope. I say this as someone who desperately wants to get pregnant, hasn’t yet and so many of my friends and family are on to their second or third. Regardless of whether or not you have a child, don’t lose good people from your life because they have something you want.

dinosaursandtea I've been wondering about the slippery slope and where I think it's 'right' (?) to draw the line. In my case I don't want what other people have, it's that being around them brings back vivid and invasive memories of the miscarriage. Unfortunately I was 14 weeks along and developed complications. Tbh I had a mc years ago, before I had my daughter, but it was very early and straightforward and didn't get to me much at all. It's weird how your reactions change with time.

for what you're going through.

I think it's both fine and maybe even healthy to withdraw from upsetting situations for a while, but it clearly can't be a permanent solution, so if you feel it has been an issue for 'too long' (how long that is is completely up to you - there's no right time) then it may be time to think about counselling.

It's your call. If your MC was recent then take the time, if not then still do what you need but maybe consider counselling. With a young DD you are going to be meeting a ton of pregnant women in the coming years and for both your sakes you need to be see pregnant people socially.

As she gets older she will also see the benefits of being an only child - she will get so much attention and more opportunities, and if you are able to face up to going to events like this one, she can have many children who she can grow up - and play with. - with without all the stress of having to share all the time. Hope things improve for you.

I'm so sorry, I somehow missed where you said you were waiting for counselling and so my post just repeated back what you've already said. Arranging counselling seems like a really good, positive step - I think you should do whatever you need to to get you through in the meantime and if that's avoiding pregnant friends then that's fine - I doubt any of them would want you to put yourself in such an upsetting situation.