AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have to defend this?

[larrylion]

As part of the financial settlement of a divorce I have been requested to write a statement of why I only work part time. I actually work 75% of a full time job, ex wants to pay hardly any child support.

His argument is if I could care for the children and work full time then we can live on barely any maintenance for him. I am solely responsible for a 4 and a 6 year old during the week, ex has them every other weekend. AIBU at being fuming about this.

Why don’t I work full time? Because I am raising two children single handily, that’s why! Female judge also agreed that I needed to provide a list of reasons why I don’t work full time. Was considering submitting this;

“As everyone generally agrees raising children is one of the easiest tasks in the world, this is especially easy if you are doing this as a single parent with two children under 6. Dropping two children off at two different locations for school/child care at 8 am before driving the 45 minute drive to work is always easy. As the traffic is non-existent between 7.30-9am. The children of 4 and 6, of course, easily get themselves ready and never lose essential items, argue or hurt themselves just as you are trying to get out the front door at 7.40am.

Of course there is an abundance of child care provision available that opens before 8am. However I choose not to use this as I enjoy the adrenaline rush of a busy weekday mornings. Then after a long day at work, the 90 minute round trip of driving home and collecting children from various locations before heading home for homework, bath and dinner is a breeze. The added joy is that on alternate weekends I get to drive the two hour round trip to take the children to their fathers. As I do all the running around during the week, this is completely fair that on the weekends I have to share the driving with my ex. Even though he does not share any the responsibility of caring for the children in the week.

Having reduced my full time job to a part time job on having children, I can of course instantly return to full time work at the click of my ex’s fingers. Full time jobs between 9am to 3.30pm, term time only are widely available but I choose not to apply for any.”
Of course I wont send this. I will smile and write a factual statement but AIBU to think that I shouldn’t have to defend this??

Surely his CMS contributions need to be based on his income, not yours?

Do you work shorter hours or fewer (full time hours) days or a combination of both? I think unfortunately it's a legitimate question and would answer it factually without any of that (arguably) emotional response. That's how the Court look at it. You need to say you could (subject to finding a job) and what that would mean - is there an after school club? If so, does it have places and what is the cost? What would you be left with after additional commuting costs?

Could you say yes you could subject to your ex having the children after school / collecting them from school say 2 days a week?

what Penggwn said!

Now that sarky version is written down, you need to write a sincere version, OP, that details how your time spent as a parent will happen. You can lay it on thick with a picture of expecting your STBxH to have no contact at all with the children and to do nothing for them on any sort of regular basis, since he believes he shouldn't pay for them; logically the amount he pays can be expected to be in proportion with the amount you expect him to be involved with their lives.

so, you have logistical reasons why working fulltime doesn't work.

just lay them out factually and leave it there.

you don't need to write up a sarcastic story - just explain why it's not possible with the commitments you have, and leave it there for their consideration. you might want to ensure you're covering alternative options and timings just to avoid the "but have you tried looking at XYZ" automatic pushback, but that should be fairly straightforward too if fulltime working logistics and childcare commitments really don't balance out.

His CMS contributions are based on his income but he is trying to make me sell the home we owned together. This would mean increased living costs for me and the children which I cant afford with my current job.

I wont of course send the above but it is annoying that looking after two children is seen as nothing. I have stated that I am looking to go full time but it would need to be no further away from my current employment. Otherwise with increased child care and commuting costs I would be worse off. My ex refuses to help during the week. He has moved too far away for this to be practical.

Right, well, it is more than reasonable for them to ask about part-time versus full-time, in that case. Hopefully it will still be a fair split.

If he has moved too far away to be able to help with drop off/ pick up during the week then that is your rational argument. List the cost of care, including holidays if he doesn't have them half of the time in the holidays. Talk about your options for emergency care - is he willing to stay home with a sick child or leave work to pick one up? If not then how would it be in the best interests of your children to not have an available parent. Good luck x