I’m sorry if this is long but our family is at its wits end over this and I want to paint a clear picture.
My brother is going through hell at the moment and I am so frightened that he (and the rest of the family) is going to lose any access to his DC. Moreover, I am desperately worried about my nieces and nephew and what is being done to their little lives.
Has anyone had such a terrible experience of CAFCASS as this? What did you do? Currently feel like we are living in a nightmare....
Long, murky background story but DB’s wife is a nasty piece of work. Controlling and nasty to DB, hated our entire family and all of his friends from day one when we were nothing but nice to her. I found her very hard to be around - manipulative, a liar and self-seeking - but smiled and bit my lip over the years for the sake of DB and their three lovely children.
DB confided to me that the marriage was in trouble about 18 months ago, largely due to the fact that his wife had become an evangelical Christian and it had put an increasing distance between them to the point they weren’t agreeing on anything anymore. He said that they had decided to separate and that he was saving up to move out of the flat to somewhere nearby so that he could share care of the D.C. (DB very active in their lives - does the school run 3-4 days a week, takes the older ones to their clubs and classes at weekends, supervises homework, cooks, irons uniforms etc - very devoted).
In December, DB came home to find wife and kids gone and all stuff removed. Since then it has been a complete nightmare and he hasn’t seen his kids at all. Wife has claimed domestic abuse, that DB is a drug and alcohol addict and (most upsettingly) made an allegation of sexually inappropriate conduct from DB towards one of his children.
DB has been to court to seek access and then had to wait for a CAFCASS assessment. The CAFCASS report is unbelievable. Really distressing reading. Everything his wife has alleged has been pretty much stated as fact. DB is painted as a violent abuser, which is not the placid, easygoing, family man I recognise. Few of DBs opinions or observations have been recorded and his role in his children’s lives has been minimised to the point of being erased . The report is factually incorrect in several places over simple things, as well as the big allegations. Initially his wife had said that the inappropriate sexual conduct was that’DB had an erection while his DD was sitting on his knee’. The report then elaborated on that to say that DD (6) said that daddy looked at her privates. DB believes wife has been coaching his DD, but how can you say that? I have always grown up to believe what a child or potential abuse victim says...but I just do not think my brother is a paedophile.
It feels like the social worker has deliberately written something that portrays DB as a dangerous monster and his wife as a victim. The recommendation of the report was letterbox contact only (!?!) with consideration given to supervised contact potentially in future IF DB does a domestic abuse perpetrators course, a parenting course and drugs and alcohol tests. It seemed like the most severe sort of recommendation, and we cannot believe it’s happening.
DB has just been back to court (with a solicitor and barrister this time) to refute the allegations made and question the conduct of the CAFCASS social worker. The court has ordered another social services assessment and will reconvene in 8 weeks time to decide whether DB will be allowed SUPERVISED access to his children.
DB was originally hoping for a 50/50 arrangement, and having not seen his children in almost 7 months is understandably devastated. We just don’t know what else to do?
How can this be happening? What recourse is there? DBs wife has also blocked access to us (me and uncle and cousins, grandparents) and court have agreed temporarily. Distraught 😞.
Any advice?